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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Savage Love Letter of the Day

posted by on August 20 at 14:31 PM

I met my boyfriend on a dating site and it was suppose to only be a mistress/slave thing but when we met it turned into more. This is where the problem starts. We rarely have sex and when we do he NEVER wants “normal” sex. He has to be tied up or I’m the one fucking him (anally) and I have to do all the work. Ok, so whats the problem right? I’m a mistress and I’m the one who’s suppose to do all the work. Ok, fine yeah, but sometimes, I wanna good lay and not have my partner tied up! I’ve mention this to him and he says that sex isnt an important part of a relationship! And that I’m some nympho with a crazy sex drive (he’s the only man i’ve ever met who didn’t like lots sex), but it’s honestly becoming a problem. I’m starting to lose interest which I don’t want to happen but this lack of sex is driving me nuts! Any advice? Other than self pleasure?

Sexless Mistress


And I’m sorry, Mistress, you’re totally being scammed here. You are having sex, and a lot of it—and don’t let your boyfriend/slave tell you otherwise—but you’re only having the kind of sex he wants. For him, getting tied up and/or fucked in the ass is sex. La duh. What you’re not having is the kind of sex that appeals to you. Which is hilarious since you’re ostensibly the dominant one in this relationship. Stop tying him up and stop fucking his ass and you’ll quickly see just how important a part of a relationship he thinks sex is.

And where did you get the impression that the Mistress in a D/s relationship “does all the work”? Oh, right: from your selfish, inconsiderate, spoiled, topping-from-below boyfriend. He either starts meeting your needs, you DTMFA, or you tie him up and invite someone else over to give you the sex you’re not getting from him.

RSS icon Comments


Best advice ever!

Posted by Angelika | August 20, 2008 2:35 PM

Shit, I think that might be my girlfriend.

*calls florist*

Posted by Ziggity | August 20, 2008 2:37 PM

done that.

Good advice Dan! You gave the very same counsel to me once as well. Consistent too.

Posted by beenthere | August 20, 2008 2:51 PM

Very good advice.

Stuff like this makes me glad I'm way more vanilla ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 20, 2008 2:57 PM

And she's supposed to be the D in the D/s paradigm?

Doesn't sound like she's very good at her job...

Posted by COMTE | August 20, 2008 2:58 PM

Yeah, that about sums it up. It's like she's never read your column.

Posted by charm | August 20, 2008 3:07 PM

When you dump him, buy him a baseball bat. Give him something to beat himself over the head with every time he remembers that wonderful, pegging, dom girlfriend he didn't appreciate and lost.

Second thoughts, buy him two. His sorry, unpegged ass will be regretting losing you for a long, long time.

Posted by blank12357 | August 20, 2008 3:21 PM

@7 for the win.

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 20, 2008 3:25 PM

Any partner who responds to a respectful request for more/different sex with allegations of being a crazy nympho deserves the ol' DTMFA.

Posted by hillside_hoyden | August 20, 2008 3:50 PM

Cheers, Mr. Savage.

Let's see how much he regrets the nympho comment when he has no one to peg him.

Posted by Kim | August 20, 2008 4:07 PM

This sounds like one of the easiest DTMFAs ever.

That "topping-from-below" sounds pretty exciting, though. Sounds like a classically Seattle passive-aggressive move.

Posted by Fnarf | August 20, 2008 4:39 PM


Yeah. I'm thinking DTMFA is the way to go. She shouldn't give him another chance to begrudgingly give her what she wants. He lost any and all second chances when he put the problem on her.

Posted by keshmeshi | August 20, 2008 7:04 PM

Can't you just order him to fuck you properly?

Posted by asdf | August 20, 2008 7:25 PM

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