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1

Thanks, Dan - this is fantastic. It's a little dicey when the kids aren't related to you by blood, and their weird fundie family is sitting right there, and the kid's talking about how great a Huckabee administration would be . . . but yeah, this is a pretty awesome response.

Posted by Ziggity | August 13, 2008 10:40 AM
2

10 bucks says the nephew is gay.

Posted by Mike in MO | August 13, 2008 10:42 AM
3

We Gravity Truthers meet every second Thursday at the Ballard Denny's, Dan. Glad to have you on board.

Posted by Fnarf | August 13, 2008 10:47 AM
4

Just start buying that kid gay porn for Christmas.

Posted by Nick | August 13, 2008 10:49 AM
5

dan, i have never agreed with you more.

Posted by adrian | August 13, 2008 10:51 AM
6

we would have also accepted "liberal vagina"

Posted by Bellevue Ave | August 13, 2008 10:56 AM
7

@2 - And $20 says the brother is gay

Posted by Mahtli69 | August 13, 2008 10:56 AM
8

Hey Dan,

I was that "little shit" when I was around 12. One day I said something along the lines of "ugh...gay people are so gross" to my best friend in front of his dad. His dad just gently replied, "I don't think they are gross at all. They are just different and there is nothing wrong or gross about being different."

I will never forget that moment. Although I didn't stop being a little shit until I was 19, that comment gave me hope on the many nights that I lied awake trying to make myself straight by repeating over and over in my head, "I like girls", "Girls are hot", "I like boobs" that if I didn't succeed there was at least one person out there who wouldn't think I was gross or wrong.

ALIY, please do the same for your nephew. And anyone else in a similar situation, please please please speak up. I can not explain how much of a struggle it can be to grow up sorrounded by people who are homophobic- when you are 13 it can cause you to think the whole straight world is, and nothing can crack that image like having a straight adult tell you point blank that they are ok with gay people.

Johnny

Johnny

Posted by Johnny | August 13, 2008 10:57 AM
9

Jesus H. Motherfucking Christ! (Oh, and right on, Dan).

If any of my son's cousins (he has five) said anything like that to him, the cousin would get an *immediate* verbal ream-out, followed by my dragging him to his father (my brother) and totally reaming out the brother as well.

Let me repeat myself, to the father of the young kid in this story: Jesus H. Motherfucking Christ, if you cannot protect your child from a 13-year-old jerk, how the hell are you going to help him through next fifteen years!

Grow a set, man!

(Background: my son, aged 8, was bullied in school this year by a pack of four little shits who used the "that's so gay" trope on him. When I found out, I spent a full day calming down; if I had gone over the parents' homes of the little bullies I would literally have broken heads. Then I took it to the school and cleared the thing up and made sure that my son would speak to me earlier, the next time something like this a happened.)

Really, I've got to on about this. I was ready to physically assault other adults about mere name-calling, simply because as a father my first instinct is to PROTECT MY CHILD! Christ, are you a father or a . . .? I don't have a word . . .

Posted by Hairhead | August 13, 2008 10:57 AM
10

I've got my fingers crossed that Dan will write a book about parenting. Please, Dan?

Posted by Rachel | August 13, 2008 11:04 AM
11
Posted by Fnarf | August 13, 2008 11:10 AM
12
Posted by Fnarf | August 13, 2008 11:11 AM
13

I think I'm going to get all existential n'shit on my kid.

Actually, though, gravity is a Law.

Posted by w7ngman | August 13, 2008 11:11 AM
14

Dan, I think you have a second calling.

Posted by Gloria | August 13, 2008 11:17 AM
15

Uh, fnarf, I think Rachel was being sarcastic.

Did everyone turn off their sarcasm detectors today?

Posted by Mike in MO | August 13, 2008 11:25 AM
16

Why not invite a gay person to dinner when your brother and nephew are there in your house. Then admonish them if either is impolite to your guest. First, let the gay person know what's up though.

Posted by Vince | August 13, 2008 11:34 AM
17

@16: I can just hear that pitch:

"Hi there, gay guy I know. Since you're all, like gay and stuff, I'd like to invite you over to dinner at my place so you can run interference for me with my homophobic brother and his Stockholm-syndrome kid. See you at 6:30?"

Posted by Greg | August 13, 2008 11:50 AM
18

@8 beautifully said. I remember the moment someone I respected said something similar and changed my world too.

Posted by Non | August 13, 2008 11:53 AM
19

Sooooooo, the other day my 12 year old Grand Nephew refered to something as "so gay."

I didn't know at the time how to respond, so I didn't, and I changed the topic.

Am I a bad person?????

Posted by Keekee | August 13, 2008 11:57 AM
20

Johnny @8,

The opposite is equally true.

When I was around 12 or 13, most adults in my sphere were silent on the issue of gays. Then one day a woman who was a family friend and member of our church made a nasty remark about "queers" in front of me and my friends. At that stage of my life, it scared the shit out of me, and I still remember it clearly over 30 years later. That one comment probably did more to keep me in the closet than just about anything else. For a few years anyway.

Words from certain people can have a profound effect on kids that age.

Posted by Reverse Polarity | August 13, 2008 12:04 PM
21

Yes, Keekee, you ARE a bad person.

Posted by TVDinner | August 13, 2008 12:08 PM
22

@17: He'd better well be supplying the fuckin' beer.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | August 13, 2008 12:10 PM
23

I would accept that invite in a heartbeat, Greg.

Posted by Dan Savage | August 13, 2008 12:19 PM
24

That original letter could have been written by The Uptight Seattleite.

Why are liberals, by and large, such pussies? (See also: Harry Reid, John Kerry, Jimmy Carter, etc...)

Posted by Weakly | August 13, 2008 12:20 PM
25

sad but true..
@16..many many times in the course of my short life i've been included in familial activities because i'm black and gay. i suppose it's the flip side of the coin that fosters racism and homophobia- a kind of hyper inclusion that's pretty uncomfortable. it's mostly parents that do the asking.. very very ill-equipped parents at that. some people really don't have the words or temerity to address the topic spot on ( and many other topics as well )and many many people don't have a wide inclusive social circle. i happen to have one that includes conservative people and i've lived in small towns where it turns out i'm the only african american or gay person these parents have ever befriended.
it's a very uncomfortable place to be , but at the same time i feel compelled to honor the attempt that many parents make to make their kids better than themselves.
and like others here, my life changed when a friend of my mother took me aside after she heard me talking smack about someone and said to me.. 'i think the reason you say bad things about people is you don't really like yourself. which is very sad to me because i think you're a lovely boy.do you think your'e a lovely boy ? ' and i replied 'no'. she continue ' and that's why you're sad. and that's why you make other people sad..including your mom'i was 13
my mother never knew that this conversation occurred until a few years ago when her friend passed and i told her.
sometimes it takes a village...

Posted by reverend dr dj riz | August 13, 2008 12:34 PM
26

So, "that's so gay" is offensive, but Stranger staffers have no problem using "that's so retarded."

Interesting values.

Posted by rjh | August 13, 2008 12:34 PM
27

It's too late to still be offended by "that's so gay". It's mainstream, get over it. I started out using it ironically (since I am "so gay" myself), but it just kinda works well, so I use it whenever needed.

The whole phrase has such a complicated meaning. And besides, the 13-year-old of today is the hipster of tomorrow. "Gay" will be riding all over the euphemism/dysphemism treadmill/rollercoaster. Let me be the first(?) to suggest that a decade from now, "that's so gay" will mean "that's kinda awesome", at least among the Hipsters of Tomorrow.

Posted by Andy | August 13, 2008 12:44 PM
28
Posted by onewink3 | August 13, 2008 12:50 PM
29

i know gay people who say "that's so gay". because some things ARE gay. like mazda miatas.

Posted by max solomon | August 13, 2008 1:25 PM
30

I seem to recall Dan saying in one of his columns that saying stuff like "that's so gay" isn't right, but it's not a huge fucking deal.

Unless they really hate gays.

Posted by Jennifer | August 13, 2008 1:29 PM
31

Just backhand the little whelp and tell him you'll have none of that attitude in your house, and that his father was a fuckin' pansy growing up, himself.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | August 13, 2008 2:00 PM
32

(sarcasm on)
I don't have any messy gay men lurking in my shrubbery. Are they a new status symbol? Should I get some?
(sarcasm off)

Posted by PopTart | August 13, 2008 2:23 PM
33

i agree with 9: grow a set, you wussbag! why can't those to the left of center be more assertive? is it REALLY so in conflict with being to the left of center?

Posted by ellarosa | August 13, 2008 2:54 PM
34

Of course the "messy gay men lurking in the shrubbery" are married... to women.

Posted by jhell | August 13, 2008 3:44 PM
35

Jesus Christ. Have you never heard of assertive. Where I come from, the person who's house it is makes the rules. Therefore, if your nephew is using the word "fag" in your home, you tell him that that word is offensive and wrong and not permitted in your home and he can either shut up or leave. Back it up, if his father doesn't back you up, tell them to leave. And if you are at their house and its said, YOU get up and leave. Simple pimple.

Posted by ferretrick | August 13, 2008 8:43 PM
36

@26: it's not OK to say "That's so gay" because nobody CHOOSES to be gay. DUH.

Posted by Breklor | August 14, 2008 2:02 PM

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