Books Mr. Poe Reads a Book
posted by on August 15 at 12:03 PM
We’ve already gotten our first post-Slog Happy book review. Don’t blame me: Everything after this sentence is written by Mr. Poe.
I’ve never read a book in my life. There was that time in that grade at that school in that class where I was supposed to, but nobody told me how, and this chick I was always beating up already had her report done. It was pretty cool. I got an A+ and she had a straight face for a change. I decided to give reading an actual shot this morning when I realized it would grant me another chance to boost my already-inflated ego on Slog. Last night at The Stranger’s Slog party, which was totally off the hook, Paul tried to remind everyone that they’re stupid by giving out books. I didn’t want to appear stupid, so I grabbed three. I brought this one to work with me today because…I don’t know. Fuck you.So, Chapter One: The cover.
Black Pearls: A Faerie Strand. Heh. They spelled fairy wrong. Morons. What’s this I see at the bottom…Advance Reading Copy. Advanced Reading? Shit. I don’t even know how to read and I’m already jumping into college material. My mother would be proud. She’s dead, but that isn’t important right now. OK—let me read in peace.
(2 hours later)
This doesn’t make any goddamn sense.
That's nice.
best book review in the history of the universe. and your mother isn't dead. i just porked her. but that isn't important right now.
Chelsea Alvarez-Bell is rolling in her grave.
(heard in the background at Mr Poe's Eastside office/evil corporate lair)
"Gawdamnit! Who took the fuckin' dry erase board out of the Whidby Conference Room? I need it for the Fearless Pantyhose account presentation!"
followed by...
"Gawdamnit! Why is there always cumstains on the Men's Room floor?"
Looks like The Sad Literary Leavings of Slog Happy may have reason to feel relieved, after all.
I thought Mr. Poe wasn't there. He's never at Slog Happy, right?
How gleefully repellent.
Don't forget to sew it back up to make a reuseable grocery bag ... or ECB will have your head, Mr. Poe!
Goldtouch keyboard? Sweet.
Good work, Poe.
Gold star, Poe.
@9
I love it. When I'm bored, I adjust it to pass some time. When I want to look sophisticated, I crank it vertically. Un-ts!
Ewwwww, split keyboard. Tell Whoracle to buy you one of these:
http://www.microsoft.com/hardware/mouseandkeyboard/productdetails.aspx?pid=082
That MSRP is bullshit though, I got it from Best Buy for $60.
Look at his thumb! Double jointed?
It's my keyboard. Paid by me. I only use Goldtouch. I love them. Love.
@13
And FUCK THAT keyboard. Whatever happened to the 8000, the all-black design? They kept postponing it OVER and OVER and OVER again, and then BAM, this stupid shit silver bullcacka. Microsoft can such my dick and eat my shit.
@14
In every finger! I can make fun of cripples like no other. I'll show you sometime.
goddamnit, I have to admit I actually laughed at the "advanced reading copy" bit.
I see some pages missing. Have you been to the toilet today, Mr. Poe? That paper looks scratchy.
Next project is sewing a jacket out of the pages.
But do you recommend it?
This was the only copy in the world.
He SAID it doesn't make sense... Ergo, it is recommended only for Ann Coulter fans.
Shit Sandwich.
Dammit, never mind what I said in the last post, you did beat me to it, I'm an idiot.
don't blame you for what?
Your review is caca, but you are cute.
The New York Times just called, they're interested in running your review. Fucking fairies faeries.
Comments Closed
Comments are closed on this post.