Slog - Comments on I'm Not Sure I'm Allowed to Read This Story

Comment by Mr. Poe

Mr. Poe — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:44:14 -0800

This is nothing a shotgun blast to the face, a chainsaw and a grill can't take care of.

Comment by Jubilation T. Cornball

Jubilation T. Cornball — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:46:35 -0800

And Dan, don't forget she's charged with capital murder, meaning Texas runs the risk of crashing their entire electrical grid when they try to fry that gelatinous blob of homicide.

I suppose they could put her in a public swimming pool and toss in a dozen toasters.

Or they could just go the injection route: Sodium thiopental, pancuronium, potassium chloride...all washed down with a gallon of high fructose corn syrup.

All of this is moot, however, since her "last meal" will take years to finish.

Comment by bring your kids!

bring your kids! — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:51:03 -0800

Justice BBQ!

Comment by w7ngman

w7ngman — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:51:33 -0800

Are you ashamed for reporting it?

Comment by Will in Seattle

Will in Seattle — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:55:11 -0800

@4 for the win.

So, i'll bet she has a petite nose, and doesn't pick it ...

Comment by Balt-O-Matt

Balt-O-Matt — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:00:23 -0800

She weighs 1,000 pounds. One. Thousand. Pounds. Jesus Christ!

Comment by UNPAID BLOGGER

UNPAID BLOGGER — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:06:00 -0800

You sir, have condescension down to an art form.

Comment by brian

brian — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:09:01 -0800

Maybe she killed him to eat him. Did you even think of her needs before baselessly accusing her?

Comment by Bellevue Ave

Bellevue Ave — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:10:29 -0800

Blow the fucking whale up!

Comment by indieguy322

indieguy322 — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:11:13 -0800

Wow, she has to be my least favorite person on the planet right now (move over, Tyra)

Comment by flamingbanjo

flamingbanjo — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:14:45 -0800

If she can't leave her house, somebody must be bringing the food in (probably the sister whose child she just killed.) Just restrict the amount of food anybody's allowed to carry in, set a court date for six months out, and by then she'll be able to fit through the doorway.

In the meantime, while the state is constructing her special cell, she can be under house arrest -- they'll need to make a custom ankle bracelet.

She's not really a flight risk.

Comment by I know whats eating Gilbert now

I know whats eating Gilbert now — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:14:59 -0800

I say burn the place down but be careful lard has a tendency to splatter and it is fire season.

Comment by inkweary

inkweary — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:22:51 -0800

A recent news article about a thousand pound man noted that a wall of his house was removed and he was hoisted, while still on his bed, with a fork lift, then placed on a flat-bed truck in order to get him to the hospital for stomach by-pass surgery. Texans enjoy nothing more than an execution so I don't understand their lack of intiative in this case.

Comment by AMB

AMB — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:24:39 -0800

It's not her fault she's that big. I'm sure she eats nothing but lettuce, her glands are just making her fat.

Comment by Jason Josephes

Jason Josephes — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:29:24 -0800

She weighed a half ton. Of course she was going to do something horrible. You're a giant blob, you can't go outside... there's a lot of depression hidden under (and in) those folds.

Comment by max solomon

max solomon — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:38:39 -0800

@11 FTW.

restricting her caloric intake to, say, 2500/day will be hellish for her. and make it really really healthy stuff - tofu, nuts, fresh fruit, salads.

an unusual punishment, but not really cruel.

Comment by Gomez

Gomez — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:59:43 -0800

Run a few pitbulls through her house. I guarantee you she'll get mobile real quickly.

Comment by Fnarf

Fnarf — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:15:43 -0800

Ultra-fat people even find suicide-by-cop more difficult than normal-size people.

Comment by Will in Seattle

Will in Seattle — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:19:03 -0800

Are those service pitbulls?

Comment by Robot

Robot — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 18:20:03 -0800

If she can't go to prison because she needs extensive medical care - then maybe they should just keep the doctors away from her and let nature take its course.

Comment by ferretrick

ferretrick — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 18:37:11 -0800

Well, her cellmate won't have to fight her for top bunk.

Comment by Ivan

Ivan — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 19:50:09 -0800

I bet she has nasty yeast infections in all those folds, but never mind...

Some consideration should be given to tapping her corpse as an alternative fuel source.

Comment by Terry

Terry — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 20:07:45 -0800

I don't understand why you enjoy it so much, Dan, I really don't.

Comment by RainMan

RainMan — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 20:43:07 -0800

@11: They could probably make an ankle bracelet out of the tire rim from an 18-wheeler. Any junk yard in Texas probably has loads of them.

How was the kid not able to run away from this beached whale? I'm sure he could move a lot faster than she could. Then again, large objects do exert powerful gravitational forces of their own. He probably got sucked in by orbiting her too closely.

Comment by Kristin Bell

Kristin Bell — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 00:03:59 -0800

Damn! You all are so full of fat hatred! She is probably a horrible person...because she killed someone, not because she is fat. I feel sorry for anyone who weighs 1000 pounds. It has got to be a miserable life.

Comment by catnextdoor

catnextdoor — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 01:04:08 -0800

The biggest question on my mind is: who the fuck, in their right fucking mind, brings food to someone who cannot fit through their door to get it themselves? Who.The.Fuck? I want names- is it the mother of the dead two year old? The mom who left her fucking 2 year old alone with someone incapable of acting accordingly to an emergency? Two year olds are at that "I'm gonna climb, eat and hit EVERYthing!" age. It's adorable but needs consistent watching. There is so much offensive and wrong with this... But really- who brings this woman food? They must really hate her guts. All 1,000lbs of them.

Comment by a.Monk

a.Monk — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 11:35:50 -0800

"Monk: Mr. Monk Meets Dale the Whale (#1.4)" (2002)

Biederbeck: "The Internet, Monk. It's the fat man's best friend."
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0023001/quotes

Comment by Nick

Nick — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 00:19:02 -0800

These are the best comments on a Slog post, ever.