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Friday, August 29, 2008

Happy 72nd Birthday, John McCain!

posted by on August 29 at 10:28 AM


Photo from the always-jaw dropping Cake Wrecks.

A lot has been said already of McCain’s weaselly attempts to steal the limelight and bounce from Obama by choosing his VP today. I think Palin will ultimately be proven to be a weak choice—think Quayle and Kemp and other VPs chosen to make a dried-up old husk look alive again—but I think the placement of this choice is meant to obscure another truth of the day.

Today is John McCain’s birthday. He turns 72 today.

Wow, John McCain. Wow. 72! Most people in my family who are 72 spend three or four hours a day worrying if their bowels will decide to function on that particular day. Seventy-two years old! Think of it! Even though you occasionally twirl your mom around on the campaign trail to not-so-subtly suggest that you would live through two terms of a presidency, the fact is that your body—which, we are all reminded frequently, was tortured for five and a half years by [insert racist term for Vietnamese people here] homosexuals—has already been ravaged by cancer. If you had your way and you won the presidency, do you really believe you’d remain a capable and cogent human being until you turned 80? Really?

Anyway, this is not the time nor the place to be wondering whether you are losing your mind to senility and an increasingly scary temper in your old age. You’re 72 today! John McCain is 72 fucking years old! Everybody should think of you, and your 72-year journey, from the aforementioned five and a half years of crippling torture to the Keating Five scandals of the late eighties, on this auspicious day.

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I hope he fucking chokes on it. If he dies now, they're pretty much obligated to run with Palin at the top of the ticket.

Posted by Fnarf | August 29, 2008 10:32 AM

John McCain and Michael Jackson really have the same birthday?

Posted by giantladysquirrels | August 29, 2008 10:33 AM

I love the fact that John McCain is 23 years older than the State of Alaska!

Posted by kk | August 29, 2008 10:45 AM

Wow. That is really uncalled for. My parents are 74 and travel the world. They are doing quite well cognitively and their bowels function just fine, thank you.

There are a lot of reasons to dislike McCain. Poking fun at his age is just a cheap shot.

Posted by WTF | August 29, 2008 10:48 AM

Thanks for the birthday wishes. Could I just mention to you, in a moment of seriousness, that I spent five-and-a-half years in a prison cell. I didn't have birthdays. I didn't have cake. No silly hats and no one sang anything to me. And I spent those five-and-a-half years because I love this country, not because I was looking for a birthday party when I got out.

Posted by John McCain | August 29, 2008 10:49 AM

ageist piglet

yours are the opinions of defeat - screwed up piddly little boy stuff

this sort of theory defines an Obama loss - little silly guppy

Posted by Art | August 29, 2008 10:50 AM

Pick any 72 year old that you know. Imagine them in charge of everything. 'Nuff said.

Posted by Mahtli69 | August 29, 2008 10:51 AM

You know who makes him look even older? His new running mate.

(but, as others have said, age is the least of my concerns with mccain)

Posted by josh | August 29, 2008 10:52 AM

Cheap shot. I just saw a 75 year-old Willie Nelson play a great set last night. Old does not mean incapable. No more than being black indicates "insert racist stereotype here."

Posted by Medina | August 29, 2008 10:52 AM

@4 - It's one thing for your parents to make it to the airport or tour bus on time. It's quite another to expect them to handle one of the most demanding jobs on the planet.

McCain's age is a valid concern, and NOT a cheap shot.

Posted by Mahtli69 | August 29, 2008 10:55 AM

@4 We all know that there are many older people are capable of living full, active lives. My grandparents are McCain's age and live very full and active lives.

But my grandparents are also in remarkable health for their age. McCain has already suffered from serious health problems that have the potential to re-occur and/or worsen.

And really, if it was my grandpa running an not McCain, would I rely on his health (mentally and physically) to hold out doing one of the most stressful jobs in the world for four to eight years? The answer is no, it's not something we should gamble on.

Posted by Hernandez | August 29, 2008 10:56 AM

As for me and my kind... I'm voting for Stars who know how to shop HOSPITAL GRADE economic coversion table fashion assimilation tables...

And just what is that you say??

Take for example the fact that your average hospital pants shirt and jacket for surgery scrubbing is between $10.00 and $20.00 dollars a piece.

That's $60.00 dollars a suit for me cause I wear the same clothes every day ( minus shoes of course... I have to get in the habit of wearing more than one pair of boots...)

60.00 X 30 = $1800 a month for a suit.

(less shoes of course cause I just have to get in the habit of wearing more than one pair of boots.)

So all you pundits out there who say rock stars are over paid and berate me my

I challenged him to a duel and I AM ABOVE THE LAW!!!!

can I get an amen?


this rant has nothing at all to do with John McCain or OBAMA for president.


Posted by danielbennettkieneker | August 29, 2008 10:57 AM

today is also michael jackson's birthday. jacko and mccain -- both born on the same day. that's rather troubling, no?

Posted by jl | August 29, 2008 10:58 AM

Good job making an ass of yourself, Paul. I wonder, are you just so profoundly uncultured as to think you are making some kind of substansive point here? Or are you just so profoundly uncouth as to think that you're being funny?

Here's hoping Mama Biden slaps you upside the head.

Posted by David Wright | August 29, 2008 11:03 AM

Obama should run a *Job Well Done* add in honor of McCain's birthday.
BTW is Ms Palin any relation to Michael, nudge, nudge?

Posted by kinaidos | August 29, 2008 11:05 AM

In dog years he's over half a millenium years old. ARF.

"One house/One spouse: Obama '08"

Posted by namvetted | August 29, 2008 11:21 AM

The talk shows and comedians are going to go to town on her...and after Hillary gets done whupping on her ass, she's going to crawl back to Alaska in November.

Posted by michael strangeways | August 29, 2008 11:22 AM

Indeed, McCain's age (72) is an issue but it probably shouldn't be. Consider this: Ronald Reagan and Charles DeGalle were 69 y/o when they were inaugurated as presidents of the USA & French Republic respectively. They both served 2 terms (8 & 10 years respectively). Winston Churchill was 77 y/o when elected to his 2nd Prime Ministry. And, finally the President/despot of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe is 84 y/o. He's been in power 28 years.

Age can be an issue for better of worse. But, I recommend hammering McCain and Palin on much more substantive issues.

Posted by lark | August 29, 2008 11:25 AM

His age is certainly something to consider, especially as it concerns his VP pick who might take the reigns. But 72 isn't *that* old. It's not like he's some drooling, incontinent geezer in a nursing home hooked up to an IV drip. You sound like you don't know many older people and are a young punk, who is HORRIBLE at math (or doesn't know the Constitution). If elected President, McCain would be 76 at the end of this term, not 80. (who knows if he'll run for a 2nd term AND get elected) Also, I suggest you get regular check-ups at the doctor. Sounds like you come from a fairly lousy gene pool, health-wise.

Posted by him | August 29, 2008 11:30 AM


I really wouldn't use Mugabe as an example of functioning elderly leaders. Maybe he's functioning, but he's also become more and more paranoid, power mad, and evil with advancing years.

Posted by keshmeshi | August 29, 2008 11:45 AM

If I was elderly and heard young people making fun of McCain's age it would make me want to vote for him.

Posted by no name | August 29, 2008 11:52 AM

@18: Reagan was suffering from Alzheimers long before the end of his presidency. Is that something you're looking forward to repeating? The other examples you picked were figureheads in their dotage, national symbols rarely called on to do more than get their pants on front way forward. And Mugabe, who is pure evil. So, good analogy.

Posted by Fnarf | August 29, 2008 11:54 AM

The point isn't so much that he's 72, it's that he looks like he's 135

Posted by Just Sayin' | August 29, 2008 12:05 PM

@4: do you tink the GOP won't take cheap shots at b. HUSSEIN obama? mccain's advanced age & decrepitude are a legitimate issue.

Posted by max solomon | August 29, 2008 12:30 PM

Wow, you made me spend two hours on Cake Wreck. I am weak with laughter.

72 is kind of old, if you think about it.

Posted by tuesdayharmony | August 29, 2008 1:21 PM

Your "McCain is a rage-aholic maniac" links suck. He's mildly irritated - I get more annoyed at the glacial pace of service at Cupcake Royale in Madrona. If we're going to charicature him as a pent-up pitbull of pugnacity, then can we at least get some actual video to back it up?

Posted by blank12357 | August 29, 2008 1:26 PM

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