2008 Happy 72nd Birthday, John McCain!
posted by August 29 at 10:28 AMon
Photo from the always-jaw dropping Cake Wrecks.
A lot has been said already of McCain’s weaselly attempts to steal the limelight and bounce from Obama by choosing his VP today. I think Palin will ultimately be proven to be a weak choice—think Quayle and Kemp and other VPs chosen to make a dried-up old husk look alive again—but I think the placement of this choice is meant to obscure another truth of the day.
Today is John McCain’s birthday. He turns 72 today.
Wow, John McCain. Wow. 72! Most people in my family who are 72 spend three or four hours a day worrying if their bowels will decide to function on that particular day. Seventy-two years old! Think of it! Even though you occasionally twirl your mom around on the campaign trail to not-so-subtly suggest that you would live through two terms of a presidency, the fact is that your body—which, we are all reminded frequently, was tortured for five and a half years by [insert racist term for Vietnamese people here] homosexuals—has already been ravaged by cancer. If you had your way and you won the presidency, do you really believe you’d remain a capable and cogent human being until you turned 80? Really?
Anyway, this is not the time nor the place to be wondering whether you are losing your mind to senility and an increasingly scary temper in your old age. You’re 72 today! John McCain is 72 fucking years old! Everybody should think of you, and your 72-year journey, from the aforementioned five and a half years of crippling torture to the Keating Five scandals of the late eighties, on this auspicious day.