Comments on And If Elected...
Dude the moms will run after you if you chase their kids. Just kick them. If there's a woman nearby, she will interfere and shriek at you. You can kick her too.
Why not just have Pit Bull Patrols take care of the shitty birds?
And I'll be your campaign manager -- have you ever played soccer in the large field at Green Lake, only to have a ball come at you for a header -- which you take -- only to find your forehead crusted in goose shit? Disgusting.
Those birds only look good on a Christmas dinner table. And flying in V formation...as long as they never land, they can live.
I am sadly disappointed.
Well, you are married with kids, so you got a shoe in with the voters, Dan.
Nobody likes bird poop in their water. Or on their lawn.
Please, no Seattle governemnt program to eliminate them, they will have to have years of focus groups -- including asking the geese for their input -- and coming up with a way to respond to their input by having a way to "honor and celebrate" them while they are snuffed.
On this one I'd go libertarian and simply allow folks to "harvest" them. Free range, organic, and free. Yum. The others will go away.
Darwinistically,
I will help mobilize the wheelchair-using constituency. When you use your hands to get around, and you can't step over it even when you see it, the gooseshit issue becomes a crisis.
Send them back to Canada!
If only they were Mexican geese. Then, we could just build a wall.
Darwin was a liberal, Susan.
Mmmm...yummy, delicious geese!
Gosh, I wonder why the liberals who favor the economic, environmental, and education issues have such a hard time embracing the pro-war gays.
Geese have a very predictable behavior pattern. The problem of attracting, repeat, attracting, geese, and be corrected with thoughtful landscape design.
it is only goose poop - how did you cope with the baby shit from the kid?
despite the Howard Hughes freak out, the world is organic
and the geese are here to stay and co-habit
who picks up the good shit of your shitting dog?
poor Terri
think compost and at least they are not horse piles
I'll vote for you, Dan. I hate the fucking things. Blammo.
Personally, I think it's a marvelous recovery for an endangered species. Annoying, sure, but they were down to something like one batch of eggs.
Well, when I'm at the park (whichever, in Seattle, with water) with my 6-year-old, I have a big problem with all the broken glass, trash, and cigarette butts.
Who do I kill, Dan? When's open season on assholes?
I for one am looking forward to the prospect of City Hall being staffed with nothing but young, lean prettyboys with long hair.
L'occasion parfaite pour des affaires entreprenantes de paté de foie d'oie!
One thing at a time, sara.
@11 - landscape design?
You want us to "landscape" the frickin beaches?
Wow.
What's next, armed checkpoints so we can present our papers to the McCain/Bush Freedom Security agents as we move between cities?
I suggest you fund a program for a special "Geese Lane" at the beach. This will keep their effluvia in a nice orderly line. Follow that up with a special "Geese Standing Area" at all Lite Rail stations, painted in grey-yellow with a silhouette of Gertrude in a circle.
Geese can co-exist with people, they just need to have designated areas.
Nous sommes en accord avec toi, comrade E, et nous avons les equipes equippees avec les mechaniques pour faire grasser ses oiseaux grosses.
Roast goose and rabbit stew for everyone!
@20, and the geese could join up on Fridays for "Critical Grass" demonstrations where they block grassy areas in parks from pedestrians until the main flocks can parade on through eatin and poopin all the grass they choose.
Yeah, get yourself a bunch of guns and run out and make the world a better place. Being a neocon isn't really about supporting this or that party, or a particular war, or hating a certain religion. It's the belief that every problem begs the application of force, and that force works.
And after that fails, write yet another mea culpa, and then try asking your fellow man to pick up his garbage. That's who's to blame for the vermin.
@24, hey dumbfuck, try to post your lefty whine on the correct thread. This is about geese shit, which, now that I think about it, - nevermind. You're fine.
mr. poe, i'm a woman and i would only applaud goose harrassement.
HATE the canada geese. they are not a native species and they shouldn't be here all year.
Oh, Bob. Someday science will find a way to give you a bigger dick that really works, and you'll never think about wanting a gun again.
But I am right about the vermin. You can kill them by the hundreds of thousands and they'll just breed more if you keep feeding them. Put some lids on trash cans and the problem will go away.
Now write some Internet Tough Guy shit about how you can fight anybody. We all love it when you do that, Bob. *Kisses*
You can unleash your frustration here:
http://gamefilez.mofunzone.com/gamefilez/damn_birds.swf
Simple but thoroughly pleasurable little Flash game. You're a statue in a park who's had it with being shit on by the birds, so while they're flying overhead trying to shit on you, you're trying to blast the motherfuckers out of the sky.
Dan,
To get elected you could try to bully voters by threatening to call each of them credulous hacks in the Stranger's blog.
But then, as a candidate you'd have to endure the jackass-ery of the Stranger's editorial review board.
BTW, who is planning to run against Nickels? Licata? Conlin? At this point, I'd vote for a tree stump if it were running. (Not that I'm comparing you to said stump, Dan.)
The goose shit platform works for me. There's plenty of it to rid from Seattle besides the park.
"Kill all the fucking geese" Dan?
You fucking war mongers are so brave. Why aren't you over in Iraq and Afghanistan making YOUR fucking war a success. You could kill all the fucking civilians you want.
"Kill all the fucking geese." If you ain't the sorriest cocksucker in this fucking city, then Josh Feit is!
Hey! Remember when good ole Dan posted that story about the obese woman who accidently killed a baby by rolling onto it when they were sleeping? Wasn't that a fucking hoot! Good ole Dan, if something bad happens to him or his it's a tragedy. But anyone else, if there maimed or killed or suffer some other great calamity, well, as one of Dan's fans once wrote to him on Slog: "it's all fair game Dan, you taught us that."
Pathetic motherfuckers!
@32
Hey, I know it is good to recycle but you posted the exact same post, what, a month ago? I know it might be a little hard to try to think up new shit but that is just a combination of lazy and whining and down right sad.
You're a little late, Dan. The city has been oh so quietly gassing the geese, addling their eggs, and employing dogs to chase them the fuck away. Green Lake is cleaner than it has been in years, thanks to these programs. We don't talk about it, because the last time the city announced it, PETA and everyone else freaked out, but after a brief hiatus, the city resumed the goose slaughter.
just chasing them away is such a waste, though.
seriously, why not harvest the suckers? we could totally get produce past its shelf life free or cheap from grocery stores and harvest the free-range canadian geese for the entree and voila! all the gutter punks of seattle could dine on roast goose. cheap!
lake union park is ruined by those fuckers
You should hire the pigeon-darters and arm them with lawn darts.
@33
That's or new hipster readers. I know except for Fnarf and Poe and a few other losers the readership turns over here at a very high rate.
Her's an oldie but goodie"
Say yes to war on Iraq-by Dan Savage
it took how many years as "editor" (yes, in quotes)? how many pro-monorail column inches? how many city council/mayoral beat writers? ...and NOW you figure out what it takes to win an election?
Merci, 17 et 21, for posting in French. I'm sure the geese, being from Canada, appreciate it.
Please run for mayor Dan.
If only we had more plastic bags in the water, maybe they'd choke and drown themselves, nature being self-regulating, and all that.
COMMENT DELETED: Sock Puppetry
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There should only be ONE goose. Penultimate-extinction is where it's at, rollios.
@38
Your post is either breaking up or just plain illegible to the point of being illiterate ...please try again.
Hey, at least you guys CAN kill the fuckers. Up here in Canada, they're a protected species. So they get to hang around and poop everywhere and terrify small children and we can't do a damn thing. Seriously, SHOOT THEM FOR US.
Former Parks Superintendent Ken Bounds DID kill all the geese... or attempt to do so. His reign of goose killing was actually incredibly effective. But people left dead roses (presumably for the deceased geese) on his porch for MONTHS. Gawd, Seattle.
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