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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Where You At?

posted by on August 12 at 14:57 PM

On the eleventh day of this month, around the sixth hour of the afternoon, somewhere near thirteenth and John, a new pleasure seizes my body. The pleasure is triggered by a sudden break in Jaylib’s track “The Red,” which is playing on my little music machine. Thirty seconds after the track’s first minute, the beat breaks down and there’s a split second of silence/emptiness. In that split second, the ghost of a beat appears. It is the phantom of the track. The phantom vanishes the moment the banging beat resumes. Realizing I’ve just heard the ghost of a beat—the sonic equivalent of a pretty face faintly reflected on a winter window—my throat expresses my pleasure with this sound: “uuuuummmmmm.”

A moment later, I notice someone is looking up at me. I look down at this person who is looking up at me. I see it is a young woman in booty shorts. Her back is turned to me. She is rising from her knees. I’m not sure if she was gardening or looking for something on the ground. I do, however, know what she’s thinking at that very moment: My expression of pleasure (my “uuuuummmmmm”) was triggered by the sight of her ass in short shorts. She gives me the look of accusation. I’ve done something bad. It’s totally rude and unacceptable. Because I do not feel like challenging and correcting her hard reading of the situation, and because men should not look spineless in moments like this, I proudly plead guilty and give her this smile: “Yes, I enjoyed the sight of your ass. It’s the blessing of the cosmos. Thank you, thank you, and have a good evening.”

Anyway, the incident recalled an old rap lyric:

the man- Can I get up all up in it?
the woman- Boy, you nasty.
the man- Girl, I’m talking about the track, now where you at?

RSS icon Comments


Well, we can plainly see where you're at, Chuckles - in your usual contortionists position of hand in pants and head up ass. Where ELSE would you be?

Posted by How obvious was that? | August 12, 2008 3:04 PM

She seemed about as convinced as Sloggers are when you try to pass off images of tennis players as a dialectic on the human condition.

Posted by Ziggity | August 12, 2008 3:13 PM


Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me | August 12, 2008 3:15 PM

did you SAY it or just SMILE it?

you should have said it.

Posted by max solomon | August 12, 2008 4:02 PM

Yeah, I know, it's rough to get caught looking.

Posted by Greg | August 12, 2008 4:36 PM

The question is, do your wife and children know what a fucktard you are?

Posted by Bellevue Ave | August 12, 2008 4:58 PM

Best thing I've read all day. Good story.

Posted by Crip DeVille | August 12, 2008 5:01 PM

Fuck all of you Charles haters, this is solid gold.

Posted by The CHZA | August 12, 2008 5:16 PM

one of my favorite albums of all time. i've worn out 2 copies of the cd and have bought it in various formats 5 times.

but you know, chuck, the version of "The Red" on the reissue isn't the original version. They were forced to change it due copyright infringement on one of the samples.

i think you can still get the o.g. version on itunes.

either way, people need to step up and support this album for the genius it us.

Posted by j-justice | August 12, 2008 5:19 PM

@9: how do you "wear out" a CD?

scratch the fuck out of it? you can grind a new surface with CD doctor, you know.

a penny saved...

Posted by max solomon | August 12, 2008 5:32 PM

She was a big woman. BIG woman. Her name was Bertha. Bertha Butt. She was one of the Butt sisters. He didn't care. He looked up at her and said:

"Sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me
sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me!

Posted by John Bailo | August 12, 2008 5:35 PM


We remove comments that are off topic, threatening, or commercial in nature, and we do not allow sock-puppetry (impersonating someone else)—or any kind of puppetry, for that matter. We never censor comments based on ideology.

Posted by Self-Hating Hipster | August 12, 2008 6:11 PM

Does C. Mudede, good writer though he may be, ever creep out real severely anyone but me?

My guess would be "yes."

Posted by LeslieC | August 13, 2008 12:10 PM
Posted by cheapticket | August 14, 2008 12:05 PM
Posted by american-airlines | August 17, 2008 10:27 AM

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