Brendan Kiley on Greg Lundgren’s Monumental Undertaking
“Lundgren Monuments will succeed or fail depending on how many people seek alternatives to the defaults and clichés of the death-care business. Lundgren’s cast-glass monuments adorn cemeteries in five countries and 20 states, but he’s had to fight, cemetery by cemetery, to get them in. Most cemeteries only allow monuments made of granite or bronze, which don’t erode like marble and sandstone. Glass, Lundgren tells reluctant cemetery directors, is as durable as granite. Lundgren argues that because the technology required to cast thick glass is only 30 years old, people don’t understand how tough it is. In his studio, he heats glass to 1,500 degrees Fahrenheit—incidentally, the same temperature at which bodies are cremated—and cools it in computer-controlled ovens, over a period of weeks, so it congeals into a strong, flawless mass. ‘Slice granite as thin as a piece of window glass and throw a rock at it,’ he says. ‘It’ll shatter.’”

Dominic Holden on Qwest Field’s Problem with Queers
“The staff at Qwest Field had every clue that gay couples would be attending the WaMu Theater on July 1. After all, that night’s concert was the Seattle stop on the True Colors tour. It starred Rosie O’Donnell and Cyndi Lauper, the stage was decorated with a rainbow and a pink triangle, and the event was billed as a fundraiser for organizations to ‘raise awareness about the discrimination the GLBT community still faces.’ But while the B-52s played a slow song, two lesbians who were sitting in the third row say a security guard approached them, shined his flashlight in their faces, and then lowered the beam onto their joined hands. He then gestured with his finger across his throat to ‘cut it out’ and told them to ‘stop it,’ the women say.”

Jen Graves on Adam Satushek’s Photographs, Eric Elliott’s Paintings, and the Most Influential Radical Idea of the 20th Century
“On the surface—in fact, especially on the surface—two young Seattle artists, Adam Satushek and Eric Elliott, have nothing in common. Satushek makes big, bright, smooth, ultraclear photographs. Elliott makes thick little gray oil paintings. But it’s even truer in art than in life that looks aren’t everything. These artworks think similarly, in sculptural terms, about the relationship between innards and skin.”

Bethany Jean Clement on the Scene at Seattle’s Longest-Running Speakeasy (Location Undisclosed)
“The bartender is hands-down the slowest in town. Protocol dictates that, after a near-eternal wait, when he asks you what you’d like, you ask him what he thinks you ought to have. The featured cocktails this evening are the bloody Caesar, the redoubtable Pimm’s cup, and variations on Jim Beam (ginger ale is a favorite addition). After brief scrutiny—his solemn gaze through owlish glasses is an apparent assessment of the state of your soul—a prescription is issued, and your cocktail is undertaken. Subjects to raise: his recent trip to London, his sartorial splendor (top hat, bow tie, striped trousers, tails). He doesn’t say much, and, as noted, he’s not quick with the mixing, but at his bar, all the drinks are free.”

Steven Blum Questions David Sedaris
“As he walks out of the elevator at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel, David Sedaris looks up, over his shoulder, down at his shoes, and then sort of spins around. He’s looking for me, but I’d rather watch him futz around than introduce myself.”

Lindy West Watches Heathers Outdoors
“Hey! Young people! I just thought of the best idea for you. Why don’t you move to South Lake Union? Seriously. Move to South Lake Union. Do it. Do it. Come on. Do it! Aren’t you having fun? Don’t you like it here? Look at all these condos we’re building! Aren’t they cool and tall? God, it’s so great hanging out here in South Lake Union and doing stuff like watching totally cool cinema on a lawn with other young people. Hey, look—the Big Dipper! The stars really are brighter over South Lake Union. Except when the outdoor movie is playing (Paul Allen has the stars dimmed for the outdoor movies). Listen. I’ll tell you what. If you move to South Lake Union, Paul Allen will personally guarantee you ONE free hug. Wait, what? Okay, if you’d prefer, Paul Allen will personally guarantee never to hug you. Ever. No hugs. Dooo it.”

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS ISSUE: Heath Ledger’s Joker; Lil Wayne’s lil problem; Dan Savage’s insomnia; what Mark Arm thinks of the music community (“Fuck the music community”); the Janus-faced marvel that is Strawberry Theatre Workshop’s Leni; what Matt Dillon did to two goats over the weekend (sewed them together, stuffed the cavity with more meat, roasted it all over an open fire); why King Cobra’s owners are selling after just six months; the ongoing looniness of the 46th District state legislature race; censorship on Craigslist; Michelle Obama; fireworks; anaphylactic shock; and more.