Slog - Comments on Maybe Embalming Fluid Burns?

Comment by Balt-O-Matt

Balt-O-Matt — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:10:43 -0800

What. The. Hell.

Comment by karst

karst — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:14:24 -0800

What picture did they see? (Could be worth it, you never know)

Comment by Mike

Mike — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:14:53 -0800

Wow. You've got to be pretty desperate to get laid if you have to start digging people up.

Comment by Dan

Dan — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:18:49 -0800

@3:

Not that I'm advocating this, but it probably isn't desperation.

For one thing, I'm guessing they had some sort of paraphilia. I doubt a dead girl is a great substitute for a living, breathing one (even if the living one just lies motionless on her back).

For another, a shovel and a box of condoms is cheaper than a dinner and a movie.

Comment by eclexia

eclexia — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:19:58 -0800

Haven't you seen the "Evil Dead" series? Would you want to be remembered as the guy who's penis was possessed by a demon, and then ran around the countryside on a killing spree after being hacked off with a meat cleaver?

If you don't want to be the guy walking around with a shotgun strapped to your bloody stump of a penis, use a condom.

Comment by Mike

Mike — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:24:20 -0800

This handy website not only has pictures of object of their affection, but tells you how to find her grave!

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=15613318

Awesome!

Comment by Marty

Marty — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:25:36 -0800

I think it's just an excuse to keep these guys out of society.

Which I have no. problem. with.

Comment by Banna

Banna — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:26:44 -0800

There's no guarantee they would have gone through with it had they actually managed to get the body out of the ground; this sounds more like a case of failure to think your brilliant plan through. Stupid kids.

Comment by Mike

Mike — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:27:52 -0800

Interestingly, one of these guys is the son of a Methodist minister. Which raises the obvious question:

Was he a Youth Pastor?

Comment by Ziggity

Ziggity — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:30:31 -0800

Yeah, maybe they thought that condoms would protect them from someone matching their DNA to evidence left at the scene. I mean, they thought a dead chick was GGG, so I wouldn't put it past them.

Comment by T

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:30:39 -0800

The condoms were to prevent leaving DNA behind. Come on Dan, think like a corpse-fucker!

Comment by hmmm

hmmm — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:32:52 -0800

So apparently, it's also legal to name the (currently unliving) victim of an attempted, um, rape (?) in the news media, as opposed to that of a living victim?

Comment by Ziggity

Ziggity — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:33:04 -0800

@11: Condoms wouldn't prevent the friction that even the most frigid sex entails. They'd be leaving hair and sweat all over the place.

Comment by Fawxer

Fawxer — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:39:56 -0800

Just condoms? I would guess that sex with the dead would require lube, as well.

Comment by Will in Seattle

Will in Seattle — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:40:34 -0800

@12 - um, ok.

I blame the Pretzeldent.

Comment by michael strangeways

michael strangeways — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:49:23 -0800

oh, those wacky Grunke boys...

Comment by jackie treehorn

jackie treehorn — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:50:43 -0800

Weekend at Bernie's homage for Hump!. Duh.

Comment by Mike in MO

Mike in MO — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:53:29 -0800

I think I need to take a break from humanity for a while...

I mean, really! Fucking a corpse? Can't people just beat off for christ's sake?

Comment by laterite

laterite — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:54:34 -0800

At least munging wasn't in their plans. I hope.

Comment by Justin

Justin — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:02:19 -0800

Haven't seen that NEWS3 logo since I moved from Madison last summer. :-(

Comment by Linus Minus

Linus Minus — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:07:52 -0800

I'm not familiar with journalistic ethics, so please accept this question in the mode of pure inquiry: why identify these three by name and picture? I can see how showing pics of youth ministers accused of crimes would serve the public interest because, ya know, it would be important to spot them lurking around children. But these three? Does this identification serve to inform or titillate?

Comment by robo

robo — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:07:59 -0800

going to be sick now.

Comment by umvue

umvue — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:16:35 -0800

What brand / flavor of condoms?

Comment by BallardGirl

BallardGirl — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:22:24 -0800

oh.
my.
god.

Comment by him

him — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:23:45 -0800

She died in a motorcycle accident. Odds are decent that aside from the decomposition of her corpse, her beauty was marred by some good road burn and maybe a busted head.

Comment by saxfanatic

saxfanatic — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:36:50 -0800

"Why condoms"? Well, duh. These responsible young fellows were simply trying to prevent unwanted, undeadzombiebabies from thwarting their bright futures.

All teens should be so careful.

Comment by Vince

Vince — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:37:06 -0800

Some men will fuck any pussy. Even dead ones. EW!

Comment by Julie

Julie — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:40:29 -0800

My stomach was doing fine with this story until I got to the lube comment @14. For some reason that tipped it over the edge. Blargh....

Comment by Blame the Victim

Blame the Victim — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:42:15 -0800

Well, she WAS buried in a short skirt.

Comment by Johnny Thunder

Johnny Thunder — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:59:39 -0800

Them corpses is hot.

Comment by Matthew

Matthew — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:29:06 -0800

Isn't it possible this whole plan was just the result of drunken chicanery?

Seriously. They probably sobered up by the time they reached the coffin, which is why they "abandoned their plan" (the smell might have done it too).

I think they have to at least get her out of the coffin before potentially making them register as sex offenders for the rest of their lives, for God's sake.

As desperate and pathetic as these guys clearly are, I can only support attempted grave robbing.

Comment by Ziggity

Ziggity — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:12:54 -0800

@31: Maybe after the grave robbing, they were going to have some good ol' fashioned gay sex. But instead of being outed by the media, they'd rather accept the hetero-necro charges.

Comment by Charlton Heston

Charlton Heston — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:59:51 -0800

You can have my corpse lover when you pry me from her cold, dead labia!

Comment by yucca flower

yucca flower — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 17:13:23 -0800

"...maybe they were worried about catching the mother of all cooties."

They were afraid of catching Zombie Cooties? I don't know, ask the experts at Resident Evil.

Comment by sepiolida

sepiolida — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:37:58 -0800

@32: Nothing turns their cranks more than a gay three-way on a coffin.

Reasons to use condoms:
1. Don't leave DNA at the crime scene.
2. Since they were apparently all going to fuck her, they don't want to get diseases from each others' spunk.
3. @26, good idea to prevent those undeadzombiebabies.

Vandalizing a grave site and trespassing are the only crimes they committed here.

Comment by sepiolida

sepiolida — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:48:41 -0800

BTW, here's a picture of her:

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=15613318

On "find a grave.com".
She is pretty hot, but I'm not sure she's "dig up" hot.