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Friday, July 4, 2008

Light Fuse, Get Away

posted by on July 4 at 19:12 PM

The US Consumer Product Safety Commission wants you to have a safe Fourth of July, so they’ve put together this handy video showing what happens when you light off a M-1000 inside your three-wall cardboard house, why you should never look directly into an aerial display shell, and some other text advice which goes by far too quickly.

Note the proper way to enjoy our nation’s birthday: Cook hot dogs, make small-talk, play ball with kids, watch pussy-ass little fireworks from safe distance, dunk in bucket.

U.S.A.!

RSS icon Comments

1

It's legal in some states to stick bottle rockets in your kid's pocket?

Posted by Darcy | July 4, 2008 7:28 PM
2

I don't thing this video had the intended effect on me - at least, I laughed at pretty much all of them but the exploding mannequin head was actually the best, followed by the cardboard house blowing up. Is this more dangerous than handguns. Where's the NRA when we need them?

Posted by chas Redmond | July 4, 2008 7:35 PM
3

Man, I bet they had fun making this one! The second half was pretty dull, though - I much preferred the first part. I mean, heck... we were careful with fireworks, but we sure didn't huddle in a close circle in broad daylight 50 feet away while Dad lit off snakes.

Now, of course, I want to blow up mannequins with fireworks, too!

Posted by wench | July 4, 2008 7:42 PM
4

I don't suppose we can get fireworks reclassified as firearms, can we? That'd make for a much more exciting country.

Posted by wench | July 4, 2008 7:43 PM
5

Priceless slapstick. I can practically hear the Benny Hill soundtrack behind it.

Posted by Gurldoggie | July 4, 2008 8:17 PM
6

Just what I needed: mannequin snuff porn!

Posted by Andy Niable | July 4, 2008 9:06 PM
7

When I was a kid, we'd run around with sparklers all the time. But mom would never let us blow up a house like that, no matter how many times we asked.

Posted by eclexia | July 4, 2008 10:17 PM
8

Watermelon with M-1000 (illegal but AWESOME)

Posted by demo kid | July 4, 2008 10:50 PM
9

How dare some states make it illegal to stuff bottlerockets in mannequins' pockets! It's protected by the Second Amendment!

Posted by NapoleonXIV | July 4, 2008 10:58 PM
10

Hey Mr. Poe, how about you come over here for a slice of watermelon...yeah, just stand right here...

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | July 4, 2008 11:38 PM
11

My fave 4th was in Olympia Wash and my friends Brian and Stephanie were just graduating from Evergreen but I was their for 4th of July so I bought an "egg laying hen". I lit the ass of the cardboard chicken and it proceed to fart egg flames out of it's ass. It was a cold july evening and many other more fascinating fireworks were being lit all around us in the dark but we were in stitches overt the egg laying hen.
Far more entertaining than the biggest forth of july explosions going on all around us.
You tube is interesting if you search for egg laying hen. You will probably never eat eggs again.

Posted by -B- | July 5, 2008 12:12 AM
12

Gallagher is just phoning in his performance. Notice he as no audience.

Posted by Miss Poppy Hussein Dixon | July 5, 2008 6:51 AM
13

What is the 4th of July without exploding mannequins?

Posted by ouzel | July 5, 2008 7:31 AM
14

I can't believe they didn't recreate the classic: M80 in a mailbox. I can't (won't) tell you how many times I did that as a teenager. Awesome fun. Somehow, I survived to adulthood.

Posted by Reverse Polarity | July 5, 2008 7:53 AM
15

Certainly hard to take seriously while listenening to the appreciative 'YEAH' and 'OH COOL' type comments coming from the spectators after every explosion. how come we never hear the mannequin death statistics after every July 4th? Why do we continually ignore the Dummy populus? especially after we keep electing their representatives?

Posted by Reverend z | July 5, 2008 8:56 AM
16

I thought this was going to be a post about Widespread Panic's classic live cd.

:(

Posted by Mike in MO | July 5, 2008 9:12 AM
17

@11, that's nothing. We'd stick M80's right up a chicken.'s ass and light it.

We also hung cats by their tails and stuck M80's in their mouths and lit 'em

Good times!

Posted by Michael Vick | July 5, 2008 11:47 AM
18

@17
We were just having fun with a crazy little firework because it was silly not displaying early signs of being a potential serial killer by killing small animals.
If you are just joking though, don't peruse a career as a comedian. You aren't funny at all.
Even as a joke it sounds like you also have the early signs of home grown terrorism, so you should really get some help.

Posted by -B- | July 5, 2008 12:49 PM
19

@18 Ummmm....did you see who signed the post @17?

Posted by Frank Sinclair | July 6, 2008 2:18 AM
20

@18 -- I love it when people get caught up in righteous indignation, only to be shown to be ding-dongs.

Oh, and @17 will "peruse" a career in comedy if you "peruse" a career in spelling.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | July 6, 2008 11:03 AM
21

@10,

That's the corniest thing I've ever read.

Posted by The Incredible Husk | July 6, 2008 3:48 PM
22

@20,

That's the corniest thing I've ever read.

Posted by The Incredible Husk | July 6, 2008 3:50 PM
23

@22 -- Hmmm....looks like I have a barnacle.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | July 6, 2008 7:18 PM
24

@19 and I am Frank Sinatra

Posted by Frank Sinatra | July 7, 2008 12:23 AM
25

@24
Well that just fizzled out and became boring.

Posted by -B- | July 7, 2008 12:31 AM

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