What Would Jesus Do?

Did you ever stop to think
about what Jesus would do
if confronted with the choice
of paper or plastic?

He would probably just make the
groceries levitate, or
teleport them to his house
or something, right?

Or maybe he would use one of those
home-delivery services;
he probably wouldn't want to be
mobbed at the grocery store.

I'm Christian and I actually like this poem. There, I admitted it and I feel better (which is one of the "goals" of poetry, right?).

Levislade's entry was awesome, though. I have such a lovely picture in my mind of Jesus walking along with his groceries levitating behind him. He's probably humming Onward Christian Soldiers.

This morning during my morning prayer time, Jesus said, "Steve, are your ears burning? Because I am inspiring Paul to write a Very Holy Poem (VHP) about you right now."

"Wow, Jesus!"

"You deserve it, Steve. And also, I've been talking to The Father about your idea to combine the wafers with the communion wine--he's into it, and will send a VHP to Pope Benedict on Friday."

"That's great, Jesus! IMHO the wafer/wine combination would save a lot of time for the average parishioner over the course a lifetime."

"Your right, Steve. In fact, the amount of time saved in 70 years would allow an average parishioner to say 2,000 Hail Marys, leading to a global increase of Catholic Holiness of .35%!"

"How great Thou art, Jesus!"

"No, Steve. How great THOU art."

"Oh, Jesus, I'm blushing!"

etc.

Because I could not stop for Zipcar,
It kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just myself
And some groceries.

I slowly drove, I knew no haste,
As that's the Seattle way,
My labour, and my leisure too,
took place beneath the gray.

I passed the school where children played,
Their lessons sexist-based;
I passed the folk with whom I work,
Their brownies all pot-laced.

I paused before a youth who seemed
A simple, average Joe;
His comment, though, was risible,
It was clearly Mr. Poe.

Since then my miseries do I
express, short-fused and sentimental,
And still surmise the car I drive
Will always be a rental.

END

Jesus was a recycler, he turned water into wine
He cleaned out the Temple
And he didn't spend a dime

He ate all his vegetables
He carried the cross himself
I'll bet he thinks an SUV is from Satan as well

Amusing.

But.

You get taken in. A lot. Do not you?

He even forgives Dan Savage
for supporting
the Iraq War

and

Going on KVI to explain why.

So Dan should be sleeping well
knowing
he won't be going south

at
least
for
that!!!

But I have to say this is the funniest goddamned post/comment thread in ages. Well done everyone.

Or something like that. But after JTC's brilliant ode @16, how can a crappy Nantucket limerick compete?

And thanks, all for the kudos -- be sure to tune in next week for Jen Graves Dickenson's "I Heard the Frye Buzz When I Died."

The first noel the angel did
Say can you see
Certain poor shepherds
By the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed
In fields they lay tending their sheeps
Last gleaming

Whose broad stripes
Saw a star rising in the east
O'er the ramparts we watched
And to the earth it gave
Gallantly streaming

And by the light of
Red Glare
Three wise men came
Bursting in air
To seek for a king
That our flag was still there

Noel, noel, noel, noel, born is the king of
The land of the free and the home of the brave