Slog - Comments on What Do You Do If You're the Last of the Hitlers?

Comment by Mr Fuzzy

Mr Fuzzy — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 11:49:41 -0800

It's symbolic. Plus, no one really wants to be known as Hitler's grandson, do they now? Best to let Hitler disappear and be forgotten, for the sake of the world, not because it matters, but because it's comforting.

Comment by Jay Andrew Allen

Jay Andrew Allen — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 11:52:35 -0800

C'mon, leav the Hitlers alone. (Boy, I never thought I'd say that.) No one knows the exact ways in which heredity shape future thought. They're just being cautious.

Comment by elenchos

elenchos — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 11:53:53 -0800

Shit, every time there's a story on the Slog that somebody somewhere died, half the comments will reflect Nazi genetic theories. But thanks for trying, Brendan.

Comment by bob cat

bob cat — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 11:55:02 -0800

sounds like a SITCOM!

Comment by flamingbanjo

flamingbanjo — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 11:59:36 -0800

Bet it's hard to make friends when your last name is Hitler. Maybe that's the real reason they're not "letting" their genes get passed on.

Comment by keshmeshi

keshmeshi — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:00:02 -0800

I think I would've just changed my name.

Comment by NapoleonXIV

NapoleonXIV — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:00:15 -0800

That's okay, there's still 99 identical Hitlers down in Brazil.

Comment by sorry

sorry — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:12:56 -0800

99 Hitlers down in Brazil
99 down in Brazil
if one of those Hitlers should happen to die
98 Hitlers down in Brazil...

Comment by Fnarf

Fnarf — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:13:33 -0800

They should marry Jews. And/or blacks. Gay ones, though that would preclude tainting this famous "bloodline".

Comment by ru shur

ru shur — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:13:53 -0800

What about Ted Hitler? He seems to have done pretty well.

Comment by monkey

monkey — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:15:23 -0800

Hmmm, the life of those guys and what brought them to that decision would make for an interesting movie.

They all seem quite handsome.

Comment by LMSW

LMSW — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:20:50 -0800

It doesn't take a theory of genetic destiny to justify not passing on the genes in question. Pop culture's superficial obsession with Hitler would endanger any progeny. If John Lennon could be tracked down and killed by a mentally ill person so could any nephew or relative of Hitler. Besides, it is inevitable that there are unknown direct descendants out there (does anyone really think it was just eva?). Soon there will be genetic mapping to test these undocumented descendants (once these nephews let their blood get into your average bribable medical tech.'s hands) and someone will try to cash in on their grandfather or great grandfather.

Comment by NapoleonXIV

NapoleonXIV — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:23:06 -0800

But what's become of the Schickelgrueber family line?

Comment by Fnarf

Fnarf — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:26:58 -0800

@12 -- I'd be a lot more afraid of Hitler's FANS than his FOES if I were a Hitler descendant. Nothing like being kidnapped by Aryan Nations loons and taken to their secret compound in Alabama or Eastern Washington or wherever it is and being forced to have sex with their repulsive women.

Comment by elenchos

elenchos — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:35:03 -0800

That's a worrisome possibility, Fnarf.

I wonder would they tie you up and set Olga on you with a riding crop? Would you be forced to wear a Nazi uniform? Would they sort of tie you down dressed in a Nazi uniform and Olga would come in flanked by two stormtroopers and slap you with the riding crop, then address you as Mein Fuhrer? And if you begged for mercy she would burn with rage and strike you again in earnest, shrieking that you are not worthy and she will be forced to teach you a lesson. Yes, I think that is how it would go. And then Olga would untie your hands and roughly knock you on your hands and knees, saying "Now! It shall begin!"

And then

Comment by NapoleonXIV

NapoleonXIV — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:44:28 -0800

Whoa--sounds like elenchos has been there, done that.

Now I understand why he wears that ridiculous mustache!

Comment by michael strangeways

michael strangeways — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 13:01:15 -0800

This thread just cries out for Mr Poe's avatar of Disco Hitler, which is eerily hypnotic...

Comment by elenchos

elenchos — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 13:04:04 -0800

Oh, hello I wasn't finished.

OK, first you can't possibly have seen me wearing my mustache because one, I've never done any such thing, and two, if I had I would always remember to remove my Hitler mustache and put it back in the special case that comes with it (if I had one which I don't).

I was ONLY thinking hypothetically that if you had been secretly living as Hitler's last heir and had been kidnapped by Olga -- or not Olga, it could be her identical twin Karla who is twice as cruel -- then perhaps HYPOTHETICALLY you might find yourself kicked in the gut by Karla and she would pin your hand under her heel and twist and twist and you'd be wondering if you really deserve to be punished that much and she would say "Yes! Yes you deserve all this and more you weakling!" And then Smack! Again she hits you

I mean she would probably do that because I've heard that's what it can be like. Probably what I've heard is nonsense; I wouldn't know.

Comment by Fnarf

Fnarf — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 13:14:01 -0800

Yikes. I imagine it's more like servicing a none-too-clean fat girl with serious gingivitis named Thelma May while she eats cold fried chicken out of a bucket.

Comment by Jay

Jay — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 13:45:39 -0800

12: Uh, legal name change anyone? Not too hard. Marry some nice Jewish girls and change your name to Golding. Problem solved.

Comment by Vince

Vince — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:04:22 -0800

I wonder how many people out of, say, one thousand, that given similar situations, would act just like Hitler. When you look at history and the behavior of "leaders" many acted much the same way. The genes are there in all of us, the animals we are, given a set of circumstances. What if food ran out? How would people who never were hungry act when real hunger took hold? Or water. What if water became hard to find because the world was suddenley siezed by drought? What if you secretly harbored resentments against one group or another and were faced with your very survival? Would you attack? What if there was no oil?
Would we attack?

Comment by keshmeshi

keshmeshi — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:21:14 -0800

@15, 18 & 19,

Sounds like you have a sequel to Seven Beauties in the making.

Comment by Sirkowski

Sirkowski — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:57:48 -0800

- My name is Eddie, Eddie Hitler.
- Any relation...?
- Yes!

Bottom

Comment by TJ

TJ — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 16:50:24 -0800

Last weekend there was a very intereting program on Nat Geo about the last of American Hilter's. Often they repeat those shows so check it out if it does.
One of them had tried changing his name like 4 times and people always found out who he really was anyway.
From the program, they have tried everything.
Can you imagine the nuts that would look for them? Aryans who want to worship them, etc. . .
Maybe they don't want any of their kids to suffer what they have.
The mixing up their blood lines with some other race is a good idea I think.