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Friday, June 20, 2008

This Week’s The Happening?

posted by on June 20 at 12:00 PM

Hey, remember how everybody was hating on that The Happening movie last week? Me neither! That’s because this week, everyone is hating on The Love Guru, Mike Myers’ newest movie.

The New York Times’ A. O. Scott hates the hell out of it:

To say that the movie is not funny is merely to affirm the obvious…No, “The Love Guru” is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again.

And this is, come to think of it, something of an achievement. What is the opposite of a belly laugh? An interesting question, in a way, and to hear lines like “I think I just made a happy wee-wee” or “I’m making diarrhea noises in my cup” or to watch apprentice gurus attack one another with urine-soaked mops is to grasp the answer.

But my favorite bad review of The Love Guru is Ain’t It Cool’s Harry Knowles, who generally writes atrociously written favorable reviews of movies. He once equated Blade II to excellent cunnilingus, among other things. But the best part of Knowles’ reviews is that they’re usually overwhelmingly positive, atrociously written reviews of terrible movies, movies like AI and Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Just about every bad movie, like Daredevil, reduces Knowles to tears of joy. But he hates The Love Guru. The title of his review is “If Shit Got THE LOVE GURU On It, Shit Would Wipe It Off!” and it contains one of the funniest, and poorly written, paragraphs I’ve ever read in a film review:

Reviews of this film are nearly universally grotesquely negative - and with good reason. With this film, Myers puts a shotgun in the mouth of comedy and kills it. This isn’t merely a bad film, but a painful experience that you keep telling yourself to leave. However, I have a very strong belief in witnessing the terror. People had to survive the Holocaust to hold those responsible, responsible. This film isn’t as bad as the Holocaust. Nothing could be. But in the realm of film going experiences - it’s a third trimester abortion. It is a pregnant woman smoking a cigarette and drinking a Coors Light.

Hopefully, for Lindy West’s next column, she’ll take in a marathon multiple viewing of The Love Guru and report back to us on the kinda-not-really Holocaust of this film.

RSS icon Comments

1

It's a Mike Myers flic.

Doesn't sound a lot grosser than his prior ones.

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 20, 2008 12:03 PM
2

Knowles has a job because....?

Posted by TroyJMorris | June 20, 2008 12:06 PM
3

So many terrible movies, so few knives...

Posted by Abby | June 20, 2008 12:16 PM
4

anyone catch mike myers on the daily show yesterday? it was a wierd interview. it seemed as if jon stewart was trying really hard not to mention the movie.

Posted by brett | June 20, 2008 12:17 PM
5

I thought everyone was hating on "Do Not Mess With The Zohan!" last week (or was that two weeks ago?), and everyone was supposed to be hating on "Get Smart!" this week.

Or are we allowed to hate on more than one piece of Hollywood-produced drek per week?

Posted by COMTE | June 20, 2008 12:18 PM
6

Hmm ... I don't usually point out grammatical errors but in this case it's kind of amusing to see one in a sentence that denigrates another writer's paragraph as "poorly written."

Posted by yuiop | June 20, 2008 12:25 PM
7

The commercials look painfully unfunny. Mike Myers was funny for about 5 minutes in 1999 and that was largely due to Dr Evil, (Austin Powers, the character, wasn't that great...)

Hey, "AI" is flawed but there's also some beautiful work there!!

Posted by michael strangeways | June 20, 2008 12:31 PM
8

excellent cunnilingus? i doubt he has even a scintilla of knowledge about it. if you don't believe me, google an image of him. gee-ross!

Posted by scary tyler moore | June 20, 2008 1:02 PM
9

@5: I think Get Smart gets a pass this week, because Steve Carrell is not nearly as dislikeable, and Get Smart seems to be merely bad as opposed to completely and utterly atrocious.

Posted by Abby | June 20, 2008 1:20 PM
10

Giving a hit to Aint [sic] It Cool News is akin to strangling a kitten. Friends don't let their friends surf that site.

I saw Knowles once up close, at a con and it instantly destroyed my faith in a benevolent Creator. I know now there is no God, in a universe where his "site" is referenced in movie ads.

"I CAMED IN MAH BRITCHES! -- AINTITCOOLNEWS"

Posted by Just Sayin' | June 20, 2008 1:44 PM
11

Jesus God, I google-imaged Harry Knowles. Now I want to die.

Posted by Fnarf | June 20, 2008 1:53 PM
12

There are nearly certainly really explicitly grotesquely too many adverbs in that dude's writing.

And yeah, as a matter of principle I can't in good conscience give Myers a dime of my money after he publicly molested the Cat in the Hat.

Posted by flamingbanjo | June 20, 2008 2:27 PM
13

As a wise friend told me, everything that is wrong with Blade II can be summed up by the following sentence: "She saw the light coming around the corner and ducked."

Posted by Greg | June 20, 2008 2:36 PM
14

Go easy on Harry. He's just a fat geek who writes terribly. He never hurt anybody.

Posted by Rotten666 | June 20, 2008 4:01 PM
15

umm, i know it WAS cool for critics to bag on AI, but it's been several years. it's really not relevant for critical reviews anymore, and it was actually a good movie if you have a decent attention span and the ability to understand complex concepts such as "feelings" and "emotions."

but really. let's agree knowles is not one to picture alongside the cunnilingus. eww. i get it. he likes to eat.

sincerely,
diggum

Posted by diggum | June 20, 2008 4:12 PM

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