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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The 11th Most Terrifying Guide to Sex

posted by on June 10 at 15:49 PM

Hey, Cracked, this just arrived in my mailbox—and I actually don’t think it’s the 11th most terrifying guide to sex. I think it belongs somewhere in the top three. I certainly think it’s scarier than your #1 pick, A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting, and way, way scarier than your #2 pick, Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins & Outs of Enema Play. I give you… The Toybag Guide to Ageplay.

tbageplaycover.jpg

Here’s the back cover. A selection from the first chapter, “What Is Age Play?”

I get asked all the time what Age Play is. It can mean a thousand different things to a thousand different sexual adventurers or curious roleplaying enthusiasts, but there are key threads that run through it.

Age play is any interaction or roleplay between consenting adults (or enjoyed solo by an adult) involving the concept of age as a dynamic… Age play incorporates a sensual or sexual element, buy many “age players,” “kidz,” babiez,” or “littles” enjoy “pure” age play that is just about the role and not about any hanky panky.

Age play is not pedophilia, child porn, or individuals interested in playing with actual biological children. Age Players may use the props of “bio kids,” but we are into the props and trappings, not the kids themselves in any way.

I think it’s unfair and discriminatory that “kidz” and babiez” get alternate spellings, but “littles” do not. Also, if “Age Players” is going to be capped, I think “Bio Kids” should be as well. Just out of simple, you know, respect.

RSS icon Comments

1

Written by Lee "Bridgett" Harrington?

I wounder who the sassy school girl is.

Posted by Andrew | June 10, 2008 3:58 PM
2

Jeez, that's nastier than furries. This is the dudes in diapers hiring out nannies, isn't it?

I have a book that explains, among many other things, how to inflate your scrotum to the size of a basketball with saline solution, and then just wait until your body reabsorbs it. Does that count?

Posted by Fnarf | June 10, 2008 4:01 PM
3

I like to put on a cheap toupee and pretend I'm running for President of the United States. Does that count as age-play?

Posted by michael strangeways | June 10, 2008 4:13 PM
4

And I thought World of Warcraft-like games had awful lexicons.

Posted by harold | June 10, 2008 4:20 PM
5

Wait, you mean putting my hair up in pigtails, wearing a plaid mini skirt and tonguing a giant lollipop as foreplay is considered "age play?" Geez, I thought that was pretty vanilla sex.

Posted by PopTart | June 10, 2008 4:36 PM
6

God, I love the slog. Local news that I care about, national news and opinion, architecture, art, music, pigs in wellies and adults in daipers.

Slog - you are my best friend.

Posted by blank12357 | June 10, 2008 4:37 PM
7

Ewwww.

Only Furrie Age Play would be worse than that ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 10, 2008 4:51 PM
8

I still can't get over the fact that this (based on cute little children) or furryism (based on puppies!) is considered disgusting, but BDSM (based on uh, rape and torture) is okay.

Posted by Mr Fuzzy | June 10, 2008 5:02 PM
9

Wait, furries is about puppies? I thought it was about sex with people dressed as Ewoks. I can't keep these fetishes straight anymore.

@7 What is your Ewww directed at?

Posted by PopTart | June 10, 2008 5:13 PM
10

Not the plaid skirt and pigtails.

The diapers and pacifiers.

Plaid skirts and pigtails are fine if one's quite obviously very much an adult.

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 10, 2008 5:19 PM
11

It's about market share, Mr. Fuzzy.

Posted by Dan Savage | June 10, 2008 5:28 PM
12

Ewwwwwwwwwww!

Posted by Dougsf | June 10, 2008 5:37 PM
13

Market share make me very horny!

Posted by Fnarf | June 10, 2008 5:39 PM
14

@5: Hot.

Dan, did you notice that this guy "lives near Seattle, WA" ? That's the part that creeps me out the most.

Posted by Greg | June 10, 2008 5:52 PM
15

@7

Unfortunately, it already exists.

Look up "babyfurs"

Posted by Dildog | June 10, 2008 6:53 PM
16

I think Lee is rather nifty...

About the book: I'm certainly can't speak for Lee but in general I’d rather give people a safe and consensual way to explore their fantasy’s (no matter how dark and depraved) than force them to repress.

'Cus repression has such a wonderful track record…

Summer

Posted by Summer | June 10, 2008 7:10 PM
17

I have a friend who does costume design. He once described a diaper and bonnet ensemble he designed and sewed for a client who was into, well, acting like a baby. A licensed carpenter also built him a giant high chair. My first reaction was relief that this guy's sexual partners aren't going after real babies or children when they have a fully consenting adult available who is willing to crawl around on the floor and say "goo goo ga ga" after enjoying a dish of Gerber strained peas for lunch.

Posted by RainMan | June 10, 2008 7:40 PM
18

They're here.

They get off on pretending to be babies.

Get used to it.

Posted by Ben | June 10, 2008 8:50 PM
19

Once again I am confronted by the sexual "kinks" of some people and find it not transgressive, shocking or titillating, but merely depressing and, in a way, agonizingly predictable.

Posted by Hoyt Clagwell | June 10, 2008 9:32 PM
20

omfg
turn on spike tv
it's an episode of law and order (or some other crime type show) about infantalism.
I kid you not.

What a day.

Posted by law and order | June 10, 2008 10:59 PM
21

Why are “age players,” never “oldiez,” "neardeadz,” or “saggles”? If “pure” age play is just about the role and not about any hanky panky, why not employ dentures instead of diapers?

Posted by Dan | June 10, 2008 11:44 PM
22

@15 - baby furries?


NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 11, 2008 12:39 AM
23

Baby furs?..... O_o

Ya know, humanity? Ya each get ONE fetish. That's it. One. Uno. Cause dear God, adults dressing like furries dressing like babies is just... it's just TOO MUCH.

Posted by Marty | June 11, 2008 9:55 AM
24

@21 - Actually, the book does cover geriatric role playing, dressing up like santa, and other such things, as well as people in their 60s pretending to be 20 sneaking into their first bar ;) If you do have a chance to read the book, I define Age Play as anything that fetishizes or dramatizes an age dynamic between two consenting adults.



@5 Age Play for many people IS a form of vanilla sex- have fun with it!



@14 I used to live in the Seattle area, but now live in Maryland. The book cover was designed before I moved- I miss Seattle dearly.



@19 I was actually downright shocked when Greenery Press asked if I could write the book that there were NO other non fiction books on this topic published in the United States. I do not consider it tittilating either, but as you can see by this forum reaction, some folks are shocked and amazed, thus why the education needed to take place.



@16 Thank you :)



@1 I hope this info helps you know who I am.



Thanks Dan for mentioning the book (even if we disagree on formatting), and if you'd like to have a dialog about it, I'd be more than happy. You have my email address via the form here, as well as my website. I teach a wide variety of human sexuality and spirituality topics across North America, Australia, NZ, England and Europe, and would enjoy such a dialog with you :)



Cheers,
Lee Harrington

Posted by Lee Harrington | June 12, 2008 3:24 AM
25

The only sad or disgusting I find with this column is a "sex" advice guy who would consider vaginal sex to be terrifying. Please are you like the last gay guy who is still afraid of a vagina or are you just scared of something as big of a fist? here's a clue: if a baby can be just fine coming out of it, a fist isn't going to be a problem. So I guess it's not surprising that your readers have their panties in a knot about a totally harmless type of sex that even boring straight laced folks have been doing for years behind the door of their bedrooms.

Posted by naomi | June 12, 2008 4:03 AM
26

I wouldn't mind in on that dialogue myself.

I know Lee, who is an amazing person, by the way.




I've been an advocate for the ageplay community as well as a speaker and teacher about the subject of ageplay for over 10 years now. I'm also the author of "Auntie Eva's Boarder", an erotic novel about infantilism and ageplay, as well as female domination.


Your reaction's not uncommon. People often DO have a visceral reaction to ageplay. It is edgeplay, and seems to push buttons in many people. But it's just another fetish, and a fairly healthy and harmless one at that. I'd say part of being good, giving, and game is managing one's own xenophobia, and keeping an open mind.

Posted by Mako Allen | June 12, 2008 4:34 AM
27

Just goes to show that one person's hotness or warm snuggly wonderfulness is another person's complete squick. Dan's wiring clearly isn't set up to enjoy ageplay, and I see he's got plenty of company, but I'll echo Mako's sentiment about G/G/G - real good giving and game is when you're tested by something that makes you a little (or a lot) uncomfortable.


I'm not surprised by the reactions above either, but at some level I guess I think it's a bit odd that ageplay doesn't map for people who aren't into it the same way that the fur-suiters map for me: harmless, a bit endearing, and not-a-turn-on.


I'll cop though to taking a little glee in my people squicking Dan Savage. Hooray!

Posted by DaddyR | June 12, 2008 7:21 AM
28

Kudos Lee and Mako on positively educating the world on a very popular kink.

I know you both and think the world of you.

Posted by hilz | June 12, 2008 8:09 AM
29

At first this reads as though Dan is saying it is one of the top 11 most dangerous books, yet as I searched a bit it seems it was a fellow named Cracked (last name pot?)who listed the book on his sexphobic blog.

All Dan seems to be saying is that he takes issue with the word littles not being spelled with a z, because babiez is, my thought there is that littles are only ever called littles in the fetish community so therefore no differential needs be made...

Lee Harrington is a fantastic educator, In the classes I have attended I have always found him to be open minded, knowledgeable and frank.

His take on things is that, hey, we are doing these things, lets talk about them, and do them, with an awareness that not only creates more safety, but also allows for less shame and more creativity and more shared experience. win-win right?

My take on things is that anyone that has not heard or said the words "Who's your Daddy" cast the first stone.

Amy W.


Posted by amy | June 12, 2008 9:47 PM
30

Well said Amy. I've never met Lee but I'm so impressed with his ability to take on subjects which would intimidate most people.

And yes, I think that most people have experienced aspects of "little" and "Big" in their sexual fantasies whether they realize it or not. What woman hasn't had the young virgin/older conquerer type fantasy. And what guy hasn't dreamed of conquests. There's an element of Big and little to that sort of fantasy.

I think it'd be interesting to do a study love song lyrics to see how often the term "Daddy" appears.

I recently watched the movie "Black Snake Moan" which was chock full of the Daddy archetype -- both the bad Daddy and the good Daddy. I wonder how many people attended that film and found the plot healing and satisfying? I certainly did.

I've not read the book yet but I can't wait. I'm sure it will be a lot of food for thought.

Posted by xen softspirit | June 14, 2008 8:13 PM
31

Let's see:

1) Not hurting anyone
2) Not playing with minors
3) Having a good time
4) Props are usually cheaper than, say, a full dungeon...

I'm trying to see the horrifying downside here. But then, I also get pissed off when people go after the furries, for the same reasons.

Did we fight for the right to love who we want and how we want just to turn around and say, "Oh, except *you.* You're just embarrassing."

Posted by Natalie | June 16, 2008 8:27 AM

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