Normally, I ignore KOMO’s resident editorial curmudgeon, Ken Schram. He’s a poor man’s Andy Rooney, but sometimes he means well. The rest of the time, the S.S. Schram seems adrift in a sea of crazy.

Not one to disappoint, Schram’s latest column again proves he’s too blustery for his own good:

Maybe it’ll happen.

Maybe it won’t.

But just the fact that somebody’s even considering the idea is just nuts. So if Tim Croll would stop digging for castaway treasure, I’d like him to come on down. Tim’s the Solid Waste Director of Seattle Public Utilities.

He’s right in the thick of it when it comes to spending about $115 million to rebuild and expand Seattle’s two garbage transfer stations.

Now, aside from the resident artists that have been hired to spruce things up; aside from the notion of opening a “used-goods” store because one person’s trash is another person’s treasure, the piece de resistance is the idea of opening up...A TRANSFER STATION CAFÉ!

Ah yes, nothing like a finely cooked meal with all the accompanying ambiance - including the possibility of watching a large TV monitor with a live feed from the disposal pit.

Special of the day waiter?

Depends on what went into the pit last night, sir.

Tim, Tim, Tim: It’s just so ridiculous, rancid, revolting and really, really dumb, which is why you should take a bow, because this “Schrammie” is for you.

And Tim, let’s not do lunch.

Well, I’m not sure what kind of research Schram did before he wrote/recorded his piece, but the Transfer Station cafe wasn’t the city’s idea.

Several months ago, I wrote a short piece about a scrap over the upcoming rebuild of the city’s dumps. I met with Tim Croll to talk about the city’s plan for rebuilding Seattle’s north and south end dumps, and he did indeed bring up the idea of a cafe.

Like Schram, I was puzzled by the idea, but Croll explained that the cafe would be several hundred yards away from the actual garbage dump, near the edge of the property, just off Highway 99 on 5th Ave South.

Croll also told me that the cafe was actually something neighbors in South Park had come up with as one of many potential neighborhood benefits to offset the unpleasantness of rebuilding and expanding the south end dump. Finally, the cafe was primarily going serve coffee, rather than the full meals Schram seems to have dreamed up.

Well, neighbors in South Park caught wind of Schram’s latest tangent and, of course, fired off an email to set the record straight:

Hi Ken, My name is Wendy, and I live in South Park. I’ve been participating on the citizens advisory board for our new transfer station. I’m saddened to see your Schrammie for the café idea at the new south end station, since I’m the one who proposed it in the first place. What neighborhood do you live in? Wherever it is, I’m taking a WILD guess that you have a café within walking distance to your house. Well, in my neighborhood, there are no cafes. There are no grocery stores. There is no Laundromat. There is no breakfast place. There is, however, one failing school. There is a bar where you can get any type of prostitute or drug you want. There is a dump. There is a river with several superfund sites on it. There is air traffic from two airports. And, we have the poorest air quality in the entire state of WA. Oh, and we are likely going to be the recipient of Seattle’s first jail. So, what’s so stupid about a café in a recycling center? Ken, I hope you are beginning to understand that if we are lucky enough to get such a thing, it will be a community AMENITY. Have you ever watched the action at a transfer station from above the tipping floor? It is actually quite amazing - you can try it sometime at the Shoreline transfer station. To be able to get a latte while seeing live feed of the tipping floor sounds like a ‘destination dump’ to me, plus it is in walking distance to my house.

Sincerely,
Wendy Woldenberg
South Park resident
Chair, South Park Arts

If I didn’t know better, I’d say something like “maybe Ken Schram’s the one who needs a Schrammie.” But I won’t. Because that would be retarded.

Photo by Geeb via Flickr.