Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day
posted by June 27 at 13:54 PMon
Is the woman described in this letter in the current Savage Love….
A few months before I graduated, a friend revealed that she had been lusting after me, and wanted to hook up. The trouble was that she’s in a long-term relationship. She didn’t see this as a problem—she was willing to cheat—but I didn’t want to be a part of that, and turned her down. She then played some games and got me to kiss her when I was drunk, and later flat-out propositioned me (again while I was drunk), and I refused again. Then we graduated and moved hundreds of miles away from each other, which I expected would be the end of it.
Now, though, a month later, she wrote to tell me that she’s “not over” me. Was I right to turn her down, or should I, as she argued, let her make her own mistakes? Should I let her boyfriend (and likely fiancé) know about any of this?
Not An Adultery Helper
…a skanky, skanky whore? I said she was—or might be, if this guy decides to do her—in my response. And a sex workin’ reader begs to differ…
I like Savage Love very much. It’s sound advice that is well-delivered, compassionate and no-nonsense. I want to bring to your attention though, that in your most recent column you used the term “skanky, skanky whore” to describe a girlfriend who desires to cheat on her boyfriend, or who maybe just desires to be promiscuous. Using words like “whore” in a negative context (where you are implying ridicule) is inaccurate and offensive. Whores are sex-workers who provide a sexual service for a fee, which sounds like just the opposite of what aforementioned girl’s intentions are. As a dyke and a sex worker, I’m big on language reclamation, and that starts with using words in their correct, respectful context. Whores are smart businesspeople and important service providers, not cheating, horny, promiscuous girlfriends. Equating the word “whore” with promiscuity and an enjoyment of sex or “sluttiness” and/or dishonest behavior is morally wrong, and also propagates a definition that is one of the ultimate insults to call a woman in today’s culture (ie. unchaste). There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex with lots of people (though there is something wrong with lying to a trusting partner) and there’s also nothing wrong with exchanging sexual services for money. The two are not related though. I know someone of your political-mindedness would not intentionally want to propagate a word as a slur, so please give it the respect it deserves.
Proud Whore In New York
PS. The boy in the column I mentioned who does not want to engage in “adultery” is being a pansy. Of course he shouldn’t do anything he does not feel good about doing, but even if he were to have sex with that girl, he would not be cheating. He has no obligation or relationship of trust to her boyfriend. She, on the other hand, does.