Comments on Jubilation T. Cornball Takes The Bus
I'd like to dedicate this to Mr. Poe.
"Make that four hotnesses, the latest with gang-tattooed fingers."
LOL -- true, I forgot to include that.
Huh, turns out it's not true that just anyone can write for the Slog.
You lost me at "Call it a lingering sense..."
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
how odd...I, too take the #26 but in an opposite commute (going north in the a.m. and south in the p.m.)
I've yet to encounter much hotness.
Hotmess, yes...Hotness, no.
@4
Save the "don't do this again" for Chelsea Alvarez-Bell, dude. Jub's experience is a marvelous delight. Read it or save your beef for the simpleton intrusion.
The free ride zone has gotta go....
That was pretty funny. Classist beyond belief, but funny. Welcome aboard!
Other then the trip planner being so easy even stupid babies can figure it out, I'd say that was spot on.
Jube, I'm pretty sure anyone who tells these bus horror stories either rides through Belltown, lies to keep you off the bus and make their ride less crowded, or they are simply a hater for other less credible reasons. I've rode the bus basically twice everyday for almost two years and have yet to witness vomit or urine.
Belltown and the ID can be an unfortunate experience, but mostly because of crowding. Any psychoses-related run-ins I tend to just chalk up to a bit of cheap morning entertainment, but I'm pretty easy-going like that.
Very entertaining, but I don't really dig this whole attitude to the bus as a crazy adventure requiring massive levels of preparedness (as exemplified by the PI piece). I've been riding the bus in Seattle for almost the same length of time that JTC has been not riding the bus, and have had very few remarkable incidents occur (although the most remarkable - involving no bodily fluids or danger to my person - did, I'm proud to say, make it into Last Days).
You live in a city. There are people of all sorts here. Sometimes you have to sit near them, but it will all work out.
I ignore you?
I really don't get why the bus has to suck so much.
They should probably make the fare 2 bucks, like a real city. And get rid of the free ride zone (except in the tunnel where it's kind of cool).
Oh yeah, about the trip planner, you just have to know how to put the addresses in.
2345 North 50th Street: Wrong
2345 N 50th St: Corrent
800 Fourth Avenue: Wrong
800 4th Ave: Correct
You still get some choices, since they don't let you put in the city, but it's a lot clearer.
I agree with @10 & @11...
I've been riding the bus daily for nearing two years now, and while I recognize some of the characters that JTC has identified (my ride takes me through Bell Town, and also through First Hill which can be even more interesting), elevating the experience of seeing the mentally ill of Seattle on the Bus does not make the experience intolerable.
Some of the writers at the Stranger seem to have the misguided notion that a good path to getting more transit in Seattle is to denigrate Metro and the bus service. I think this is a short sighted plan of attack.
Riding the bus is no more an adventure than walking in the city.
I enjoyed reading this, picturing Mr. Cornball in his Armani suit, clutching his Prada briefcase in his lap at first for safety and then to hide the raging hard-on he got when big cock guy boarded the bus.
And I agree with him about the trip planner, depending on the address you type in it acts like you are trying to go from Mars to Venus or something, it's always questioning me about the address I type in.
In Chicago people just ride the bus. There is no way that anybody would waste this many words "describing their experience" (complaining about the wait time doesn't take that long). It's not an experience, it's a way to get around.
Granted I've never ridden a Seattle bus, but, really, how bad could it be (the El line I ride has a separate in the cars that people pee and do drugs in all the time, and nobody uses that at a reason to not ride it for 7 years)? Since nothing actually happened to you, this was insanely long and boring. You rode the bus. Yay for you.
Having been a Metro rider for the last seven years, I sometimes forget how odd and borderline-creepy a person's first Seattle bus experience can be. Your account reminded me of how many things (weird people rapping, fat people squeezing you against the window, etc.) I've numbed myself to over years of ridership. Well done!
Is that PI article for real? "To get off the bus, just press the button -- or pull the bell cord -- before your stop"! Do people really not know that?
You know, if someone wrote this in Vancouver BC or any "real" city, people would say "why are you writing about what everyone does?" ...
Sigh.
The 26 going south has people working downtown - the 26 going north has students and people working in Fremont and Wallingford (and some U Dist). That's why it's different each way.
Fucking hilarious and spot on. Well done Cornball!
@19
Just yesterday my wife described a lady who missed her stop because she stood at the back door of the bus and patiently waited for the driver to open it, the same as you would do in any other city.
People who have lived with a normal bus system have no idea what they are in for here, with Seattle's perverse system of sometimes paying when you get on, sometimes paying when you get off, having to (sometimes, depending) yell for the driver to open the back door, and sometimes riding free, sometimes not. Much like parking and driving in Seattle, they've created a clusterfuck of inconsistency.
please tell us about your first time on an airplane. scary?
My God. How elitist. Heaven forbid you actually have to be near those who, for one reason or another, don't benefit as much as you from our capitalism. Get over yourself.
I rode the 26 or 16 every day for 2 years and never had an encounter with urine or vomit. The occasional smell, yes. But the loud assholes on cell phones are much worse.
When you're on time for the bus, it will come a couple minutes early. The next bus you're waiting for will then inexplicably arrive 10 minutes late.
When looking at the schedule, ignore the fact that it's rush hour, the buses are still scheduled 25 fucking minutes apart. It may be packed every morning, but the schedule never improves. Also, buses drive on the roads filled with traffic so don't expect any reliability whatsoever.
I try to avoid the 358 Aurora bus to downtown. Every time I ride it it seems that someone has shaken out the crazy tree and all of the inhabitants have decided that it would be a great day to ride the bus. The back of the bus is like a traveling crack house.
But the front is ok.
Jubilation T. Cornball, I'm a fan.
Oh my god, how hard is it to notice the door is not opening and ask the bus driver to open it for you? Or to get off at the next stop and walk a block or two?
Pay when you get on if you're not passing through the free ride zone or if your bus is going there; pay when you get off if your bus is going away from the free ride zone. If in doubt, get on in front and look at the sign.
The bus driver can't always open the back doors because people will try to get on there without paying, as most assuredly happens in other cities.
I've been riding the bus since I was ten. I've seen two or three peeing/vomiting incidents, once my bus was boarded by police and a guy was hauled off in handcuffs, and that's about it. You see much worse on public streets, assuming you ever set foot on public streets.
@23. Did you know that they give you these little baggies of pretzels! It's so cute!
Hilarious piece. Thanks for sharing. Your Belltown bus experience is the same one I have every friggin' time I take the bus (70 and 11). These are the only routes to home and work and I avoid them if at all possible by catching a ride with my bf, walking, or cabbing. The last time I took the excrutiatingly slow 70, the front of the bus was full of urine-reeking homeless with large bags of garbage; the back full of stoned wanna-be gangbangers rolling giant spliffs (seriously) and insulting a passenger of Asian descent with racial epithets who, god forbid, coughed on the bus. In the middle of the bus huddled all those "normal" people just trying to get to work, wondering no doubt as I was, what I had done to deserve this.
I'd like to propose a challenge--a bus off if you will. Number 2 (Harborview) vs. Number 26 (your route.) First person to get stuck with a needle wins!
Jubilation T. Cornball and A. Birch Steen ... Separated at birth?
Scratch bus number 2 and insert bus number 3--wrong route :(
Very nicely done. I'll just point out that it wasn't really 20+ but closer to 50 minutes, since you had to wait. I hate waiting.
I think your report on the return commute will be much shorter: Three buses on my route have just gone by. Couldn't get on them because they are so full people are standing in the stairwell. Could've been at home an hour ago. Resolved to never ride bus again.
@33 -- dizzy queen
@34 -- In Metro's defense, Fnarf, I only waited because I did not trust their schedule. They were bang on time.
Thanks for the nice words, folks -- I love everyone.
@28
How hard is it to follow the same basic system as the rest of the world? Everybody who comes here has to go through this "What the fuck, Seattle?" moment whenever they encounter yet another example of Seattle's retarded attempts to re-invent the wheel.
I have to include the inane Seattle traffic circle rule: turn right -- unless you feel like turning left. Whatever works for you. (!?!)
Traffic circles were invented 2,000 years ago by the Romans and every civilization on earth has one and only one rule for how they work: always turn right. Easy. Only in Seattle would they find a reason to make that simple rule into something conditional and endlessly, hopelessly negotiable.
Again, I must ask and ask and ask: Seattle, how hard is it to keep it simple?
Brave of you take the bus, JTC--but are you man enough to ride The Clown Car?
Now this is guest slogging I can get behind.
@19: Last Friday was the first time my mom had ridden Metro in almost 40 years (and she was raised in Seattle). I took her on the 43 from 19th to downtown, and she really did ask a lot of the seemingly-stupid questions answered in the article, even after I gave her the crash course while waiting for the bus. However, my well-meaning efforts to educate my parents on the ease of mass transit will continue to fall on deaf ears, because Metro refuses to beef up routes in the suburbs. Her commute to work (Maple Valley to West Seattle by 6pm) is 45 minutes by car and probably all day by bus.
Sorry about that missing preposition @38. That's what I get for Slogging while riding a Metro bus that's about fall apart.
Oops ... I did it again! Fuck!
#39, careful, JTC might take that literally.
Mybus.org is one of the few really well done things about Metro.
Using a combo of GPS and radios on most of the Seattle Metro buses, it'll give you a quite accurate indication if your bus is on schedule. Cuts down on waiting time tremendously.
Super useful. Of course, the SLUT isn't on it.
Trip planner DOES suck, HORRIBLY! I think they've been using the same program since 1998. Luckily, Google transit isn't as bad, and sucks int he opposite ways. Between the two of them, you can almost get an accurate trip planned (though they still only give you three options, even though many, many more exist).
First off more information on the Jettamatt please, and really how much time do you need to spend on manhunt.net to recognize someone in there street clothes? I am just assuming this jettamatt was not wearing clothing based on the description of his willy you gave unless you are jettamatt on manhunt looking to promote your ad and if not I am sure he is going to read this and thank you for all the responses and then maybe the two of you can meet now. You have successfully mastered the art of hooking up on public transportation. Way to go.
Elenchos, when I lived in Boston, which more traffic circles, or "rotaries" as they call them, than the rest of the country put together, there was a survey in the newspaper of citizens, asking them who had the right-of-way, the car in the rotary or the car entering the rotary.
Exactly fifty percent chose each.
Seattle has no monopoly on stupid drivers.
@22
"Any other city"?? Maybe I'd've let that go if you hadn't put it in italics, but in (for inst.) the SF bay area you don't wait for the driver to open the back door, you push the handle to open it yourself....having previously alerted the driver, via pulling a cord or some such mechanism, which *is* common to buses everywhere I've taken one, that you wish him/her to bring the bus to a halt to facilitate your disembarking.
@37, quit bitching and move back will all reasonable haste to the world-class city from which you came.
nice article poe.
@47 - are you done?
You haven't lived unless you've ridden the #3 or #4 on a daily basis. They make all the great stops that attract the creme de la creme of bus patrons: the courthouse, jail, Harborview, drug/alcohol treatment, 23rd & Cherry AM/PM.
It's a one of a kind commuting experience. My personal fav was the 115 year old Laoatian woman who hauled her leaking bag of garbage onto the bus every morning. She had a real spark to her - barking in incomprehensible gibberish at anyone who failed to make room for her delightfully smelling refuse.
The memories come flooding back...
Awesome breakdown Mr. Cornball. I agree with your analysis of the 26. But my big question is, will you ride again? Or was this a one-time deal?
Also here's a bit of trivia: It is quite possible there is no bench at your bus stop because it was a convenient place to enjoy a cool beer purchased from the local convenience store. It is also possible that the neighbors disliked such rowdy little get-togethers and had the city remove the bench.
The Trip Planner is retarded, thank you for bringing it up.
@46
Fnarf, I'm not complaining about Seattle drivers -- that's a whole other rant. Even if you wanted to know the rules and obey them in Seattle, you'd be left guessing. The traffic circle law says you are free to turn right or left, depending on what you think would be cool for you at the time. In Seattle, unlike the reast of the planet, is not illegal to turn immediately left and cut across the oncoming traffic lane, rather than turn right and go counterclockwise 3/4 of a circle if you want to go left. Who yields is similarly a coin toss.
This is directly connected to having to yell at your bus driver to get them to open the back door, rather than always opening it. Too many hippies here, who don't want to function systematically, especially when the situation calls for it.
@47
If SF buses have a handle that lets you open the door yourself, the issue is moot.
@47. Same deal in Chicago. You pull the cord, bus stops, driver pushes a button to allow the back door to be pushed open, you push open the door and get out. There's even a sign explaining it on the door.
@53 - Gee I've never had any problems with it.
@54
No, because the issue was your weird notion that some kind of universal public transportation common practice obtains everywhere except Seattle.
IT DOES David!
Everywhere you go, you pull the cord or push the strip, a bell goes ding, the driver stops, and you get off. Front or back. In some places, you push the back door open, which has no relevance. Do you yell at the driver to exit the back in Chicago or SF? No. Case closed.
Elenchos, you're right -- that is the way the rule works, and it is in fact stupid as hell. My stress-related exfoliation regimen includes daily shouting and finger-waving at dumbasses who go clockwise around circles. You blame the rules, I blame the drivers.
You should also see the parade of nincompoops on 46th in Wallingford, who believe that because they are trying to park their SUV in order to go to Musashi's, they are entitled to drive at 3 MPH, stop dead in traffic, make u-turns in the middle of the block, reverse down the entire length of the block and around the traffic circle and around the corner, drive on the wrong side of the street, spend fifteen minutes attempting to get into a space that's shorter than their vehicle, stop their car and get out to talk to other drivers or pedestrians, signal left and turn right, stop while in the traffic circle for minutes at a time, park in driveways, and do all of this at a speed a slow loris would laugh at. Every day I do this. There is no more baffling block in the city.
I'm sorry, what were we talking about? Buses?
the Frizzelle rule?
LOL JettaMatt vids and pictures. Why on earth do people use the same usernames across different websites. (aka make themselves google-able)
As I read that I was picturing JBT as Niles Crane from the 1st season of the show Frasier.
Wrong again, Elenchos. In some cities (e.g., SF, Portland) you're not supposed to exit through the front door (except seniors/disabled). OMG NATIONWIDE CLUSTERFUCK OF INCONSISTENCY! Case reopened!!
I don't have to yell at the driver to exit the back door in Seattle either, unless they didn't notice I was there (say, I had pulled the cord, but there were others exiting through the front and the driver assumed they had pulled the cord). Was what your wife witnessed standard Metro policy/practice, or did they just not notice the woman?
The other thing about Seattle is that you sometimes get on the front and exit the back, and sometimes it's reversed. It depends on whether you got on inside or outside the ride free zone. All bus riders must study and memorize a map of the ride free zone, or risk confusion every time they ride. It's a whole other set of special cases you have to keep track of in Seattle but no where else.
David, people new to Seattle have a terrible time figuring out these buses. I have heard it again and again. I've never heard a new visitor to Boston or Chicago or SF mention that the bus rules were confusing.
I rode the MTA in New York and Boston for years, and it is worse here. Seattle cannot even print a fucking map that makes any sense. NY has one map for the subway, trains and bus.
Also, there are some beautiful women on the 16.
Keep the comments coming about how hard Metro is to use. It makes me feel like a supergenius for having mastered it so uneventfully.
boring.....
@66
Not only that, but if you don't like the kissing pink fighter jet sculpture in the Capitol Hill station then you're a big fat dummy.
Emperor's new clothes, my friend. A bad system is a bad system and it ain't going to fly blaming the users.
Congratulations on taking your baby steps, JTC.
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