The John Waters Lecture last night at Benaroya Hall was absolutely inspiring. I can’t really find the words to describe it, so here instead, is a list of topics he covered, in chronological order:

Jugglers with hard-ons, vaudeville, junkie strippers, Johnny Cash, Zorro, butch girls, Catholic schools, pig latin, Pootie Tang, auto-erotic stimulation, negative influences, filthy elders, The Tingler, Kroger Babb, Hell, nuns in prison, birth as masturbation, niche filmmaking, Father Bingo, nude ushers, whack stacks, Lysol, Warhol, Larry Clark, mullets, libraries, Freud, parental love, shrinks, blowjobs for school teachers, ebonics, Kenneth Anger, Dogma 95, roman candles, politically correct shoplifting, eating your makeup, Jacqueline Kennedy, Sotheby’s, suicide, LSD, seances, instant movies, Micheal Jackson, burn units, Joan Crawford, flaccid penises, Anna Nicole Smith, necrophilia…

…eating shit for anarchy, radio contests, testing limits, bears, fag-hags, second closets, adult babies, anal bleaching, ultimate nudity, blossoms, female troubles, metallic fringe, electric chairs, lesbian fairy-tails, free face-lifts, Las Vegas, corpse grinders, Edie Massey, gift-bags, thrift stores, odor-rama, Rugrats, Burger King, ascots, Satin versus Satan, Sonny Bono, gay marriage, an all-lesbian volunteer army, re-born babies, Nan Goldin, power ballads, Traci Lords, juvenile delinquents, killing the rich, welfare fraud, crab meat, classism, hetero-flexibles, anti-airport yoga-ism, Boy George, cocksuckers, film terrorism, autographed tampons, Disney films for perverts, voting, voting multiple times, head injuries, carnal lust, vagina hedges, NC-17 film ratings, Netflix, plate-jobs, censorship, turd terrorism, New Orleans, trailer park bars, fat girls, Eminem, racists, jazz musicians on heroin, eavesdropping, trading deer meat for crack cocaine, lazy susans, mayonnaise, Schindlers Fist, Bride of Chucky, Alvin and the Chipmunks, ipecac, amusement parks, Diane Arbus, carnies, mosquito bite scabs, Vogue magazine, car accidents, Liberace, Don Knotts, Steve Buscemi, cult leaders, poppers, Christianity, Joan Rivers, Jesus, delusions of grandeur, AIDS, virgin birth, speaking in tongues, levitation, spontaneous combustion, Danielle Steele, Farrah Fawcett, Jessica the Hippo, and role models

Also, confidential to the lady sitting in front of me, the one with the giant diamond ring and the tiny opera binoculars: It’s okay to laugh out loud in public. Really it is. You should try it sometime.