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Friday, June 20, 2008

Fox News “Sexpert”

posted by on June 20 at 12:32 PM

Many people are completely in the dark that their partner likes porn, much less has a serious relationship with it. Ignorant as to any issue, they trust their lover unconditionally. They assume their partner understands that using porn, at least beyond a magazine like Playboy, is the equivalent of having an actual affair.

Just how big an idiot is Fox News “sexpert” Yvonne K. Fulbright? She wrote the paragraph above, which posits that using porn is no different than committing adultery. Andrew Sullivan follows the the burgeoning debate about how big an idiot Fulbright is here and here. Of course, Savage Love readers have known that Fulbright is an idiot for years.

RSS icon Comments

1

It's true. I'm still paying child support to a bunch of old VHS tapes I watched back in 1986.

Posted by Fnarf | June 20, 2008 12:38 PM
2

I totally agree with Fulbright here. When you're in a relationship, looking at porn is the same as fucking your neighbor.

Posted by Balt-O-Matt | June 20, 2008 12:38 PM
3

@2: Sometimes it's hard to tell that you're kidding.

Posted by Greg | June 20, 2008 12:44 PM
4

Why does Playboy get a pass?

Posted by boxofbirds | June 20, 2008 12:46 PM
5

Playboy hardly counts as porn.

Posted by Greg | June 20, 2008 12:48 PM
6

What if your partner is uninterested in sex, Matt?

Posted by Fnarf | June 20, 2008 12:49 PM
7

So, if you watch a Gianna and Mark Ashley scene with your girlfriend, you're having a four-way? Awesome!

Posted by The Artist Formely Known As Sigourney Beaver | June 20, 2008 12:49 PM
8

@4: because Playboy cannot give you a hard-on. Penthouse is the ground level for boner facilitation.

The difference? Labia.

Posted by max solomon | June 20, 2008 12:49 PM
9

#7, it seems I *have* had group sex. Who knew.

Posted by w7ngman | June 20, 2008 12:52 PM
10

@8

Huh, I always thought for the straight guys it was all about the boobies.

Thanks for the explanation!

Posted by boxofbirds | June 20, 2008 12:53 PM
11

Let's face it, since when has anything on fox been even remotely truthful.

Posted by Sad Comment | June 20, 2008 12:55 PM
12

Shades of Jimmy Carter's "lust in my heart" comment, for those of us of a certain age. I'll agree that it's all on a continuum, but that's hardly to say that they're the same thing. Also on the continuum is getting turned on watching Daniel Craig walking out of the surf in "Casino Royale".

Posted by seattle mike | June 20, 2008 12:55 PM
13

@2 and 6--I'm joking, y'all. My sense of humor doesn't really translate on SLOG.

Posted by Balt-O-Matt | June 20, 2008 12:55 PM
14

my favorite:

"3. Your partner is being uncharacteristically demanding or rough during sex.

Youíre feeling pressured to engage in sexual activities that are either physically or emotionally uncomfortable to you. Your partner is using atypical sexual language. He seems to be objectifying you and he has no qualms about it."

A clear clue of porno addiction is that suddenly your sex life is a little less BORING.

Posted by Dawgson | June 20, 2008 1:00 PM
15

Laugh all you want, but porn is a HUGE issue back in "The Heartland".

I grew up on the Iowa/Nebraska border. Iowa is pretty lenient about porn, Nebraska is pretty freaked out by it. So western Iowa has some great porn stores, mostly patronized by Nebraskans, and military types from Oufutt Air Force Base.

But at the same time, Nebraska is dotted with billboards that show former Nebraska football coach Tom Osborne (who ranks somewhere between God and Jesus in the Cornhusker state) grimacing at the camera with the caption "Real Men Don't Use Porn"

Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay | June 20, 2008 1:03 PM
16

You know who else sucks at the "sexpert" thing? Anna David. When watching G4's Attack of the Show, she has a segment called "In Your Pants". Both hubby and I give each other WTF looks when she gives out "advice", which is often way off mark.

Posted by Jess | June 20, 2008 1:08 PM
17

No matter if you consider the attitude as right or wrong there are many people out there who consider the act of viewing AND pleasuring oneself to porn as cheating. There is really no difference in their mind from being with a real person. And ironically those are typically partners/spouses who no longer have sex very often the "cheater."
"Just because I don't have sex with you anymore doesn't mean you can look at porn, ever!"

Posted by Gay Seattle | June 20, 2008 1:10 PM
18

She's on Fox News so already I've got a grudge against her, but honestly all she's saying is "some people view using porn as equivalent to cheating." She's not saying SHE does or thinks it qualifies, just that OTHER people do...... Which, sadly, is 100% true. It's pretty scary how many of my female acquitances think that glancing at internet porn for half an hour a week makes their boyfriend "addicted" and a freak.

Posted by Marty | June 20, 2008 1:10 PM
19

Well, I guess that means that good Xtians can't use the Internet any more. Cuz it's pretty damned difficult to avoid porn on the net. Even if you're not looking for it.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | June 20, 2008 1:13 PM
20

It's only a problem if it gets in the way of the couple's regular frequency of sex.

settled

Posted by Non | June 20, 2008 1:22 PM
21

She is an idiot, and I say as long as it doesn't interfere with your standard daily functions, and it doesn't involve anything illegal (like children) look at whatever you want. I like to read erotica, but I get it that men need that visual. Honestly, ladies, get over it already. If he's in front of the computer, at least you know he's not out actually cheating on you. And you won't have to worry about STDs, just computer viruses.

Posted by Charm | June 20, 2008 1:30 PM
22

@13 - you fucking bastard. I just destroyed 3,000 DVDs because you said it was bad. Now you tell me you're JOKING?

Posted by Fnarf | June 20, 2008 1:31 PM
23

Fnarf, get over it.  I'm sure the remaining 2,300 DVDs will keep you occupied.

Posted by lostboy | June 20, 2008 1:51 PM
24

@23: Actually, the rest is on a server farm in eastern Washington.

Posted by Greg | June 20, 2008 2:18 PM
25

if that's actually her, i'd hit that.

Posted by max solomon | June 20, 2008 2:22 PM
26

Catalina @15: That sounds creepy as all hell. I would love to see one of those billboards.

Posted by laterite | June 20, 2008 2:22 PM
27

I remember growing up and going to church, occasionally the pastor would ask if any of the men were "struggling with addiction to pornography". A few guys would then shuffle up to the front for a slap on the forehead and a "Heeeaaled in the name of Jaaaaysus!"

I always assumed they did it because their uptight Christian wives caught them jerking to a titty mag, and that was the easiest way to get out of the doghouse.

Posted by Hernandez | June 20, 2008 2:23 PM
28

Holy crap, here I thought I was a dyed-in-the-wool lesbian who's never had sex with men (okay, never while sober), and now you're telling me I've been cheating on my partner all along with countless hot twinks and swimmers? If only I could be legally married I'd prolly have to get a divorce now.

Posted by blue barberpole | June 20, 2008 3:35 PM
29

No, all I have left is a slightly damp copy of "Bus World" magazine from June 1973, featuring "Margaret" from ATU Local 162 at the wheel of her Gillig.

Posted by Fnarf | June 20, 2008 3:42 PM
30

@7 Hmmmmm! Mark Ashley is such a stud. How about Johnny Sinn? Or Alec Knight? Yummmmmy!
They are my lovers.

Posted by Vince | June 20, 2008 3:54 PM
31

So Playboy doesn't count as cheating, but hardcore porn does? So if looking at soneone else's vagina is the same as touching one, that means that looking at someone else's boobies is the same as touching them. By extension, that means if looking at Playboy is okay, so is all the 2nd-base action with strange women you can handle! Woo hoo.

Posted by hillside_hoyden | June 20, 2008 4:28 PM
32

Actually both she and Savage are full of shit (and many of you binary posters) - porn can be as bad or worse if it has addictive qualities and outcomes and porn can have little or no impact if it doesn't interfere with the needs of the other partner.

I'm about to put this whole fucking blog on stupid ignore. This isn't that difficult.

Posted by Bob | June 20, 2008 5:51 PM
33

Real Men Don't Use Porn!

(But their cocks do.)

Posted by CP | June 20, 2008 8:43 PM
34

wait a sec, if using porn is cheating, is thinking pornographic thoughts while wanking is also cheating? if so, does this mean that I've actually been having an affair with my right hand? What if I first lie on my arm it until it's numb, is that like giving it a overdose of ghb?

Posted by snarky | June 20, 2008 9:25 PM
35

Yet another totally clueless woman whining on about why aren't men more like women, the dirty dogs! DTMFA

Posted by MarkyMark | June 22, 2008 10:23 PM
36

This chick also wrote this (under 10 Sex mistakes women make):

"4. Judging his porn pleasuring.

Unless youíve been replaced by his passion for pornography, donít give him a guilt trip for it. Many men enjoy different forms of erotica, often using such visuals to become aroused and, quite frankly, to remain sexually interested in their current partner. Instead of seeing his Playboy or Penthouse as a threat, see it as an enhancement ó possibly even one you can share. Such visuals are meant to keep the relationship riveting. Donít let them create a rift."

Huhn?

I THINK what she really meant to write was "They assume their partner understands that *TO THEM*, using porn, at least beyond a magazine like Playboy, is the equivalent of having an actual affair."

Unfortunately, that's not what she wrote, and now the whole internet is having an argument. *rolls eyes*

Posted by Willie Hewes | June 23, 2008 6:15 AM

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