Thank you, ECB, for calling the PI out on this lame excuse for journalism!  We sure as hell don't want them promoting green behaviors like using transit or buying local food to those unwashed masses not smart or hip enough to figured it out already.

"What's a radish, anyway? It's like an apple did it with an onion!"

quick, someone to the Ric Romero-copter!

next up, WATER is WET!

Yes, it's remedial, but I have 10 years of Hot Tips attesting to humankind's ability to be rendered retarded by Metro. Knowledge is power! (Even basic knowledge.)

That new pets in costumes blog? I smell Pulitzer!

To be fair, the onion/radish thing was a quote from a vendor encouraging people not to be intimidated. And if you've never used it, public transportation can be a bit intimidating. Stop being such a fucking snob.

this is coming from ECB whom wants to keep people off the bus if they don't meet her criteria.

Snobbery is why SLOG exists, Jerod.

But you'd know that if you knew anything.

@6:

Thanks, I came to comment that the quote about radishes and onions was unfair. Out of context and used incorrectly. Just stupid.

Actual advice from the Seattle Transit Blog:

OK, if I had to give advice to new transit riders, I would say the following:

* Have your cash ready when you board, or get off. Better yet, buy a pass or tickets before riding. You'll be happier, and your fellow riders will appreciate (or at least hate you less).

* Don't be shy to ask questions, just don't hold up the bus doing so. Does the bus go to Pioneer Square/Pike Place Market? If you're in the ride free zone, pretty much yes.

* Don't talk to the crazies unless you are prepared to talk until you get off. This is an easy mistake that I see a lot of noobies make. You can't tell who is crazy easily, so you may not want to talk to anyone until you've ridden a dozen times or so.

* Please be respectful of others when using your phone.

http://seatrans.blogspot.com/

Actually, someone should do a Walking for Dummies column. I'm confronted daily with people that seem to be confused on how to best navigate sidewalks, crosswalks, and most of all escalators.

"First, the obvious: That fetus isn't going to abort itself." And other chestnuts of wisdom for all the stupid stupid girls out there. No really, ECB wrote this article where she tells pregnant girls that their fetus isn't going to abort itself, then proceeds to berate them for getting accidentally pregnant in the first place, and talk down to them for another full column.

Don't tell me ECB was being the least bit tongue in cheek. If Monica Guzman isn't allowed to write something playful like "Even if you can't tell an onion from a radish, Gabrielle Barber of Tiny's Organic Farm assures -- 'No question is too weird'" then neither is ECB. We're going to uncharitably take every word you write literally. Sorry.

Always with the calling other women stupid, Erica. Always, especially if they are younger than you, like Monica. This is why I say you're a fake feminist.

Sorry, Erica. I have to disagree with you here. Most Americans don't ride public transit. Most Americans don't go to farmers markets. What so wrong with a disarming how-to guide to bust down all the odd and misleading stereotypes that float around about mass transit and farmers markets? Hell, I grew up in the the poor regions of the midwest and south, where terms like "farmers markets" were used in long strings of insults, along with "hippie" and "pinko commie" (you know, to describe centrist Democrats).

Farmers markets are entirely foreign to someone who's always been to big grocery stores. I always thought they were just something "rich white people" went to when they weren't at their country clubs. And Seattle has a huge influx of new residents (most not as naive as I was when I first got here, granted) who've never had to board a bus or even heard of a farmers market before. Why not extend to us a helping hand? Because yeah - some of us need it.

Though those farmers market vendors do need to work on being a little more friendly. They're not nearly as welcoming as that PI blog makes them out to be.

Yes, I see people failing the walking test all the time. Here's one tip: If you are not intending to cross the street at a marked crosswalk, but are just hanging out, DON'T STAND IN A MARKED CROSSWALK LOOKING ACROSS THE STREET. Twice in two days I've stopped for someone, no cars coming the other way, only to have them look at me like I was pissing them off somehow, and waving me on.

I gotta agree with James @13. Back before I took my first public bus trip I actually looked for an article like this. Metro has something similar on their site for new bus riders.

The bus is intimidating if you've never taken it- it was for me, anyway. So these articles help encourage non-bus'ers to give it a try.

@14 - yeah, what's up with that? I've seen this happen quite a few times over the past few weeks too ... did they fail remedial Street Crossing or have we been invaded by aliens?

Thank god the P-I didn't let them in on the Party Bus that leaves at Midnight from Macy's ... can you imagine the riff raff we'd have to put up with if they knew about that?

Moving to a credit card payment system would be a great change for the bus system.

1. It would ease the transition for us rich people who barely deal with cash, much less change, but are used to paying for everyting with our credit cards in order to rack up airline miles.

2. It would shut out the poor people who don't have credit cards, improving the atmosphere on the bus for us rich people.

Sounds like a win-win proposition!

Dang, ECB. Normally I get kind of pissed off when I see everyone piling on you in the comments, but this time I have to agree with the general sentiment that you're being a ridiculous snob. Oh noes, the PI is trying to teach bus newbies how not to be fucking annoying as shit! We must put a stop to this post-haste!

Oh, and the totally egregious misquoting of the farmer's market article? Yeah, that just makes you look like an asshole. And a lazy writer. Please try again.

With gas prices going the way they're going, I might be interested in walking more.

But whenever I try, I keep tripping over those strings hanging from the ends of my shoes.

Also agreeing with James @13 and Happy Renter @15. When I started riding the bus, those seven long years ago, I had no clue what the fuck I was doing, acted like a retard, got lost, and probably pissed off a bunch of more experienced riders with my lack of bus etiquette. A guide like this one, no matter how banal, would've helped.

Same thing with the farmers markets. These days, I'm in and out in a flash, and I know how to find what I want, but the first time I went there, I was totally intimidated because I'd only ever been to big grocery stores before.

I understand how dumb those guides might seem to you - they seem dumb to me too, but I'm not posting snobby blog posts about it.

Dang, ECB. Normally I get kind of pissed off when I see everyone piling on you in the comments, but this time I have to agree with the general sentiment that you're being a ridiculous snob. Oh noes, the PI is trying to teach bus newbies how not to be fucking annoying as shit! We must put a stop to this post-haste!

Oh, and the totally egregious misquoting of the farmer's market article? Yeah, that just makes you look like an asshole. And a lazy writer. Please try again.

Dang, ECB. Normally I get kind of pissed off when I see everyone piling on you in the comments, but this time I have to agree with the general sentiment that you're being a ridiculous snob. Oh noes, the PI is trying to teach bus newbies how not to be fucking annoying as shit! We must put a stop to this post-haste!

Oh, and the totally egregious misquoting of the farmer's market article? Yeah, that just makes you look like an asshole. And a lazy writer. Please try again.

Dang, ECB. Normally I get kind of pissed off when I see everyone piling on you in the comments, but this time I have to agree with the general sentiment that you're being a ridiculous snob. Oh noes, the PI is trying to teach bus newbies how not to be fucking annoying as shit! We must put a stop to this post-haste!

Oh, and the totally egregious misquoting of the farmer's market article? Yeah, that just makes you look like an asshole. And a lazy writer. Please try again.

There are a few things I'd like to add their "how to ride the bus" piece, taken from my morning commute yesterday on the 36:
1. The rule about using headphones should apply to portable televisions, and not just ipods, walkman, etc. WTF? I couldn't believe my eyes when this couple pulled out an old school, 1980s portable television, extended the antenna 2 feet, and turned up the volume loud enough for me to hear it over my ipod.
2. The bus is not the place for your morning hygiene routine. It's f'ing gross to enter the bus with a few feet of dental floss hanging from your mouth and then proceed to floss your teeth for 15 minutes.

Some people can pull off faux-righteous journalistic indignation. You can't, Erika. Get a new trick pony. You've ridden this one near to death.

*ahem*

Congratulations, ECB, on finding a fresh new subject on which to be condescending.

It took me a damn long time to stop instinctively reaching for my pass when boarding a bus headed out of downtown. Metro is especially confusing.

And, yes, there are people in the general population who really are that dumb.

#17 - can't you buy a pass with your credit card?

And you can buy a book of tickets in the bus tunnel with a credit card ... or at some ATMs.

Radishes are sooooo sexist!

Well, yes, but they taste good.

Thank you, Erica! I paid 50 cents to read that article. God help us.

Eh, I'm not so worried about these fluff pieces; they draw attention to good stuff like riding the bus and buying produce from farmers' markets, and if there really are people who don't know this information already, this will help them keep up. Banal yes, insulting no.

well said elenchos.