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Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Dust Off Your Company Manners

posted by on June 3 at 10:29 AM

[Starting today, we’re inviting guest bloggers to join Slog for a month at a time.]

Hi, Slog! I’m Chelsea. I’m gonna be guest blogging here for the month of June. Crashing on your digital couch, if you will. Because, after all, the internet is not a dump truck, it is a series of couches. Made of zeros and ones.

couch-L.jpg

So! Like most of you, I am a Seattleite. I am not a news writer. They have professionals for that, I’m told, and I will leave the news to them. Not that I don’t think the news is, um, newsworthy. I just feel that my enthusiasms lie elsewhere. Being that I am of the “Write what you’re stoked about” school of thought, that is what I will do. Mainly that means food, entertainment, and design. Let’s have fun, dudes!

Chelsea Alvarez-Bell is June’s guest Slogger. Her permanent home on the web is Who Did What To Who.

RSS icon Comments

1

Mr. Poe, release the hounds...

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 3, 2008 10:38 AM
2

Oh, God, she's toast.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | June 3, 2008 10:41 AM
3

You are so right, 5280.

That said, the Internet is a series of tubes used to sell wood.

Everyone knows that.

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 3, 2008 10:43 AM
4

Oh, sweetie. Good luck with this one. Slog can truly be a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Posted by Jessica | June 3, 2008 10:44 AM
5

Write what you're stoked about? Dude, welcome to 2008. We talk different now.

Also, that couch has college hook-up written all over it...

Posted by Mike in MO | June 3, 2008 10:46 AM
6

Please, no book reading posts!

Posted by chris russell | June 3, 2008 10:47 AM
7

you should post the story from the news last night about the two douchebags who hired a stripper only to be pistol-whipped and held hostage in their home by her two bodyguards.

what a couple of morons

Posted by fs | June 3, 2008 10:52 AM
8

Yeah, but is she cute? Let's have a pic. The kinkier the better. Not that any of us are perverts or anything, er . . . well, maybe some of us.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | June 3, 2008 10:53 AM
9

I don't even know you, Chelsea, and already I want to shred the flesh from your bones until you howl. Grr!

Kidding.

Posted by Fnarf | June 3, 2008 10:55 AM
10

If she marries Jonah, will she be Chelsea Alvarez-Bell-Spangenthal-Lee?


Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 3, 2008 10:56 AM
11

Wow. I fucking hate you.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 3, 2008 10:57 AM
12

5280 You are back! I was afraid you fell off the planet or something.

@10 I love you, except for when I hate you which isn't that often so I guess I mostly love you.

@11 Dude, you can do better than that.

Posted by PopTart | June 3, 2008 11:02 AM
13

God. I had to re-read this just to believe my eyes. You sound so fucking simpleton. Ugh. It's disgusting. Maybe it's time to take a 1-month leave.

Here's to hoping next month they choose Fnarf. Or Elenchos. Or motherfucking Perez. Anybody but you will do.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 3, 2008 11:04 AM
14

@12

I had to come back not because I could do better, it just took me awhile to process what I had initially read. It's like 1 + 1 somehow equaled 0.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 3, 2008 11:05 AM
15

This sure came out of left field. All the same, Welcome aboard!

Posted by kid icarus | June 3, 2008 11:14 AM
16

"So! Like most of you, I am a Seattleite."

Wow! I couldn't tell from your use of "so" as an exclamatory sentence.

I hope you last longer than that dude from Queensryche.

Posted by w7ngman | June 3, 2008 11:14 AM
17

Go through her blog. What Stranger staffer tho--oh, Amy Kate. Duh.

Try counting the exclamation points in her blog. It's like her comma.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 3, 2008 11:18 AM
18

I hate you.

Posted by Obamatron | June 3, 2008 11:24 AM
19

Oh my Christ...that blog...

So! Like! Dudes! Tuna! Awesome!

Amy Kate, are you a crack head?

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 3, 2008 11:25 AM
20

Buckle your seat belt, Chelsea, it's going to be a bumpy SLOG...

Posted by COMTE | June 3, 2008 11:25 AM
21

Hurray for Mr. Poe!

Posted by tiffany | June 3, 2008 11:27 AM
22

FRESH MEAT! FRESH MEAT!

Welcome to Thunderdome, baby.

Posted by Hernandez | June 3, 2008 11:27 AM
23
Whatevers! Salad!! Okay! Oh!! Beans!! Okay! So! Popozao!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHAAAAACCCCCKKKKK

So, help me out, dudes.

Help yourself by buying a gun. And a bullet.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 3, 2008 11:31 AM
24

I honestly think this is divine (well, in the sense that Dan and Frizzelle's enormous whozeewhatsit are deities) retribution from The Stranger for the caustic posts some of us have leveled at various bloggers here.

There's simply no other explanation for unloading a month of this crap onto our plates.

Chelsea, honey, you are the online equivalent of the U.S. Army blasting The Carpenters 24/7 outside Noriega's compound. I surrender, for god's sake...make it stop, Amy Kate, make it stop!

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 3, 2008 11:35 AM
25

I haven't been here all that long, but long enough to know that this is a train wreck in the making. Grab some popcorn, dudes!! You will not be able to look away.

Posted by Gabe | June 3, 2008 11:36 AM
26

i'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that this is the first time chelsea has ever read the slog. did you lose a bet or something?

Posted by brandon | June 3, 2008 11:38 AM
27

Let's give her one more shot. #26 is probably right. ONE more shot.

Posted by Mr. Poe's Reason Kicking-in | June 3, 2008 11:44 AM
28

Is this some sort of marketing ploy for M. Night Shamalamadingdong's new movie, "The Happening"?

It's reported to be about a mysterious force that compels people to commit suicide...

Shouldn't suicide be painless?

Posted by michael strangeways | June 3, 2008 11:45 AM
29

I take that back. This is disgusting. It is like the opening scene in one of those prison sex movies. You need to be stronge. This is were heros are made. Watch out for that big sven guy.

Posted by Obamatron | June 3, 2008 11:47 AM
30

What?

Posted by Abby | June 3, 2008 11:49 AM
31

Perhaps she is toying with us?

Posted by ams | June 3, 2008 11:53 AM
32

p.s. I adore people from South Asia, especially the scantily clad male stars of certain Bollywood films. My snarky malapropism of M. Night's actual name was not meant to denigrate the fine people from that part of the world and their often difficult to spell and pronounce names.

I do, however, hate M. Night Shamalamadingdong and his "films".

I also hate amazing recipes for Tuna Salad...and excessive exclamation points.

However, I love ellipses...

Posted by michael strangeways | June 3, 2008 11:53 AM
33

OK, I'm changing my tune. Chelsea, I got your back. Don't listen to these other losers.

You're totally right about tuna fish, too, by the way; and what you're basically doing in that bowl is making a salade niçoise minus the hard-boiled eggs, which is very close to my favorite meal.

So, welcome, and let's have it. Don't worry, I'll take care of them.

Posted by Fnarf | June 3, 2008 11:53 AM
34

I don't understand why you're here. Really, why, are, you, here?

Posted by Brian | June 3, 2008 11:54 AM
35

I'll reserve judgment while admit to being jealous. Do it up! Take chances! Steal good stuff and call it your own!

Posted by Gurldoggie | June 3, 2008 11:54 AM
36

JTC! Our love! Is like a roller coaster! I was back to hating! you after @19! forced! me to read her blog! But! Your crazy conspiracy theory @24! made me love you again!

Chelsea, I'm sorry I'm being a bitch. Here's hoping you bring something refreshing and new to Slog. Besides the unbridled use of exclamation points...

Posted by PopTart | June 3, 2008 11:54 AM
37

Obamatron offers some good advice. You have to be, uh, "stronge".

Posted by Fnarf | June 3, 2008 11:56 AM
38

Hahahahahaha. You are in trouble missy.

I am sure you were warned tho. I am sure you are ready to be torn to shreds for anything you post.

Posted by Original Monique | June 3, 2008 11:56 AM
39

I'll reserve judgment and admit to being jealous. Congrats on scoring a cool opportunity. Do it up! Take chances! Steal good stuff and call it your own!

Posted by Gurldoggie | June 3, 2008 11:56 AM
40

The idea of Gurldoggie guest blogging is going to send me to Fnarf's side.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 3, 2008 12:05 PM
41

Two SLOGs enter - One SLOG leaves!

Hope you've got your Internet Insurance paid up ...

And, by the way, whining just makes the wolves attack more ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 3, 2008 12:08 PM
42

@36 -- If you have a huge rack, I *might* make love to you.

@37 -- That's old English spelling; you know, Chaucerian and shit.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 3, 2008 12:10 PM
43

Poe's comment @ 40 leads me to offer this advice: Many of the regular boys on this blog don't like to think too much. Despite being young, their opinions and attitudes have long been set in stone, so they prefer their posts tepid and unchallenging. If you start to present any new ideas or unusual perspectives you're sure to get a harsh reaction. Pay it little mind. You do us all a favor by showing us something new.

Posted by Gurldoggie | June 3, 2008 12:22 PM
44

@22,

Are you sure it's not more like Videodrome?

Posted by keshmeshi | June 3, 2008 12:23 PM
45

Gurldoggie thinks she's people.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 3, 2008 12:30 PM
46

@42 I have a HUGE rack. It enters rooms before me it is so big. Alas, though, my love for you is purely plutonic. I love you for your keen wit and mordant observations. Unless you have a ginormous whooziwhatsit, then I might reconsider.

Posted by PopTart | June 3, 2008 12:33 PM
47

ugh. who did what to WHOM

Posted by ugh | June 3, 2008 12:34 PM
48

@46 -- Alas, if your love for me is "plutonic," it will take us 13 light years to reach it, bless your heart.

But I might make an exception for them big buzzumbahs...

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | June 3, 2008 1:06 PM
49

I take that back. After reading you blog, I do hate you.

Posted by Obamatron | June 3, 2008 1:11 PM
50

"you blog"?

Posted by Fnarf | June 3, 2008 1:35 PM
51

1)judging by her blog, Ms Alvarez-Bell has nothing new to offer in the way of ideas or perspective.

2)young men?!?!? Judging by the folks I saw at Slog Happy, the average Slogger age is definitely late 30's at best...

Posted by michael strangeways | June 3, 2008 1:44 PM
52

It’s a given that my grammar is bad Fnarf. And yet, Dan Savage misspells words all the time, and you are always licking his butthole. I still remember when you said, “say what you want about George Bush, at least he is not a war criminal,” and I told you to shut you to shut the fuck up, and you did.

Posted by Obamatron | June 3, 2008 2:18 PM
53

chelsea - i feel sorry for you. welcome to slog.

Posted by Emily | June 3, 2008 3:28 PM
54

Obamatron, please do not mistake "losing interest in your drivel, and walking away" with "shutting up because you told me to".

Posted by Fnarf | June 3, 2008 4:15 PM
55

Is George Bush a war criminal or not?

Posted by Obamatron | June 3, 2008 4:35 PM
56

Fnarf, I always thought that was a curious statement, that George Bush is “not” a war criminal. What world do you live in? Interesting point of view. Stuff like this comes out of the mouths of republicans, liberal hawks, or Likud members. The invasion and destruction of Iraq under false pretenses is not criminal?
You know, I hope AIPAC keeps it up with Obama, and totally burns that bridge. I hear good old Jimmy “Peace not Apartheid” Carter is going to endorse him tonight.
I enjoy your silence Fnarf.

Posted by Obamatron | June 3, 2008 6:27 PM

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