Sure, I'll play. Jesse Jones on King 5 news. I love when he says "This is Jesse Jones reporting." As a matter of fact I can hear it in my head right now.
Also, Josh Brown formerly of the Seahawks, now of the awww, who the fuck cares I'm still in mourning he's gone.
DJ Qualls, and that British comic on Last Comic Standing last year, Matt Kirshen.
I don't see how Bruce Willis meets your criteria, unless you lust after the current incarnation. He's been a sex symbol since his Moonlighting days.
Dana Perino donkey-punch, aw yeah!
Ms Heigl - I know she's a smoker, I don't want to sleep with smokers, but OMG I so want to do her.
Young Jane Goodall: My regular crush.
Old Jane Goodall: My crush of shame.
Seth Rogan, though I don't think he's particularly cringeworthy.
Fred Willard, now...that one I feel shame about. Dirty, sexy shame.
Philip Seymour Hoffman. 20-year-old straight girl here.
The chick from Esurance commercials (its fucking car insurance why do I have a hard on?)
also, Jimmy Kimmel. I want to top him. I bet he'd be all soft and squishy
@3 Dana needs more than a donkey punch, maybe follow that up with a Falcon punch!!
this doesn't really fit the part of the game, but the schlub from Yes, Dear...his wife (the "fat" straight haired one) has been a crush of mine for years.
Bob Hoskins. More Bob Hoskins from Who Killed Roger Rabit than Bob Hoskins from today. But he was naked last year in Mrs. Henderson Presents, which was a pleasant surprise.
#7 OMG, me too!
Katherine Heigl is one of the most attractive women in entertainment. Please.
This contest doesn't make any sense, as everyone chose someone who has served as romantic leads in films (aside from the truly annoying Jesse Jones, well done) so try again, people!
I'm going with Barney Frank.
I am not ashamed of having lust for James Gandolfini... and you even posted the goatee picture from The Mexican!
mmm... gay bear assassin. yum.
I'm going to go with Nancy Pelosi. Not a younger, prettier version, I want old lady Nancy Pelosi right fuckin' now, on a pool table, with whipped cream, Hawaiian noises, and an oversize rolled up copy of the constitution that I can use to swat her beautiful, powerful ass.
Some people and I were having a similar conversation outside West Seattle Bowl last night during a bowling league smoke break. Someone was saying how they don't understand their 20 something female friend's raging lust for Tom Colicchio from Top Chef. Nor do I. Another girl admitted (although not ashamedly) her serious attraction to Anthony Bourdain (I concur - raawr!) Personally, my shame crush is someone I used to be too ashamed to admit because it is contrary to everything I hold dear both physically and musically, but I've since gotten over the shame. Lead singer guy from Nickelback.
Hilary Clinton. Gods help me, Hilary "I dodged sniper fire" Rodham fuckin' Clinton.
Dame Judi Dench... that woman's got POWER.
Oh, and I think I can speak for both myself and Elenchos when I say:
Erica C. Barnett. Yum.
ugh, dino rossi and mitt romney. im so ashamed.
but im not ashamed to be totally gay for david paterson.
Oh yeah. I forgot to add that inmho Jeff Goldblum and Bruce Willis so totally DON'T count. Jeff Goldblum is an extremely attractive guy, and Bruce Willis has been a Hollywood leading man/sex symbol forever.
And I totally have a crush on Tom Colicchio from Top Chef--but apparently last fall he was nominated for one of People's Sexiest Men Alive spots.
Oh, and totally Gene Hackman of now.
she's attractive, i know - but repugnant at the same time.
Ed Roland of the rock band Collective Soul. He's not looking so hot these days, but oh well.
Shhh, don't tell anyone.
Must it be human?
31: Not necessarily, but dear God I'm hope you're thinking of something like Goofy or Tinky-Winky, and not a particular living dog or horse...
Judd Hirsch. That nose.
Miguel Ferrer - I'd make him talk the whole time, Lordy, I love that voice!
Oh, and I'd totally shamelessly do that bear model guy in the other day's SLOG post.
These shameless crushes - they're akin to what I like to call a "moped." The definition is "fun to ride, but you wouldn't want your friends to catch you on one."
Sometimes I think Jeff Goldblum is hot, but usually he's way too weird looking. (Thank you #29.) However, I do have a big ol crush on Steve Buscemi.
Mike Lavallier, who used to be a catcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates (late 80's, early 90's). He was kind of dumpy, and scraggly and not terribly articulate, but there was something about him that appealed to my adolescent horniness.
But to give you someone you all have heard of...James Carville. I don't have a clue why. He's way old, he talks funny (though I notice that less since I've lived in Louisiana for six years), and he's annoying. Plus, I know some of his family in Lousiana, which should make him less attractive. But there is something about him...
@28 What? What? It's a SHAME crush.
Okay, if I were a lesbo, Sandra Bernhard.
@ 9, there's absoluetly no shame in that. He's a beautiful beautiful man.
As a little kid I had a GIANT crush on Charlie Chaplin and harpo marx (shiver) .....Kinda still do....
Lindsey Wagner (then & now)
that guy from "the shield" who played the thing in the fantastic 4 movies. and that roma/bear model from the vivienne westwood show. and, to a much, much lesser extent, vic tayback.
I must be extremely vain because I can't think of a non-attractive famous person that I'm attracted to.
Mario Cuomo (or any of his sons)
I am really ashamed....
.....First Lady Laura Bush.
I sometimes fantasize about Laura and Condoleezza in the Lincoln bedroom.
God help me.
It's funny, at first I thought, "I don't have any shame crushes," and a second later, I knew who mine was -- Ann Coulter. She is a vile human being (well, the latter is debatable) and attention-whore. And yet, I'd do her in a second if offered the chance.
I don't have many "shame crushes". Most people think I should be ashamed of the majority of dudes I'd blow. If I had to seriously answer the question, it'd be George W. Bush.
Tim Curry. Hervey Keitel. That guy who played Skinner on the X-Files.
Vladimir Putin. Ever since those pictures of him, bare-chested and fishing in Siberia.
WAIT--all I needed was a mention!
Harvey Keitel. Back in The Piano and up to today. I'd be totally ashamed. But I'd totally do it.
This was quite a while ago, but: Ellen.
Imagine my heartbreak when she came out.
Frizzelle; his chill attitude is sexy. Tall, etc.
Martha Stewart. So Waspy, yet an underlying current of mischief.
Does Jorge Posada count as shameful? My oh my. I will call bull on anyone who names the Big Unit, though. That ain't possible.
I don't know that I have any current shame crushes. But I am certainly ashamed of my previous crush on Wesley Crusher (not Wil Wheaton, mind you, the character).
Didier Drogba, awful hair, Chelsea jersey, and all. God help me.
I guess my standards are really broad, because 95% of these don't seem "shameful" or weird to me at all, though I'm not necessarily attracted to them myself.
A friend of mine once confessed to having the hots for Shane MacGowan. Now THAT one is shameful.
I'd have an angrysex sandwich with Michelle Malkin and Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
@57 I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Nevermind, Frizzelle is no shame crush.
A younger George W. Bush is, though.
he's actually pretty attractive on the outside
i'm gonna have to second Le Juif: Sandra Bernhardt.
Will Ferrell. I know it's wrong but he only need say the word.
Also, Rob Zombie... grrrr
Barbara Feldon. word.
I have to add a vote for Jeff Goldblum. Particularly as Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park. And Alan Rickman. But not as Snape.
Vincent D'Onofrio, especially when he has clearly been stress eating. And I desperately want to have sex with Sean Astin... but only as hairy, hairy Sam. omg or Al Gore when he reemerged with a full beard. That would be the creepiest makeout session ever. Like, creepy hot.
Paul Constant, ever since I saw his 'before' picture in that article where he got all manned up. Strictly the 'before' version. Not that I feel it's the least bit shameful. Mmm, serve me up some of that nerd. Yeah.
uh, half these crushes you idiots are mentioning are attractive, though I'm guessing you're also including the idealogically unattractive.
Gandolfini is hot. Goldblum is hot AND hung.
Barbara Feldon is smokin'.
They'd have to lose about a hundred lbs a piece but fat comedians Drew Carey and Kevin James have something about them...
Mine are Frohike from the X-Files, Jon Lovitz, Mark Addy (of 'The Full Monty' fame, as well as that crap sitcom with Jamie Gertz), a heartily seconded Steve Buscemi, and Janitor from Scrubs.
Meanwhile, I was talking to my mom, who rattled off this list: Judd Hirsch, Dennis Franz, the guy who played Pontius Pilate in 'Jesus Christ Superstar' and Fred Thompson. My ears withered and died. Especially when she said that GW is on her laminated list.
To you they're hot and unshameful, ms, but not to all of us. Katherine Heigl is hot - but the smoking thing is a real heavy turn-off and icky but I so want to do her anyway, which makes it a shameful crush. Kind of like Michelle Malkin would be.
I don't even know if they're shameful. Like, does Ira Glass count? Because nobody -- NOBODY -- is more attractive to me than Ira Glass.
I assume Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are outside of the boundaries of shame, but. . . basically, nerdy people do it for me. And I like it when they do it with me.
Oh. . . how about Patrick Stewart ("Jean Luc PIcard")? Is he shameworthy? Every time he says, "Earl Grey, hot" it sends a shiver down my spine. Hot, indeed.
His music repulses me, as does the permanent "I'm a dumbass" look on his face, but goddamn if I haven't fantasized at length about knocking boots with Toby Keith.
Yep, the asshole who sings the "we'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way" song.
Now THAT'S a shame crush.
This is a fun thread. Seriously - ice queen Isabelle Huppert is mine. She's so freaky and intense, she turns me on every time. Same goes for Rep. Sharon Tomiko Santos. And there's something about Sissy Spacek that gets me going, especially when she was young and crazy in "Badlands" or "3 Women." Now you know.
I'd let Mahmoud Ahmadinejad fuck me, but I guess he's kind of good looking...
I have to go with the singing guy in the freecreditreport.com commercials. I don't know why but that lip thing he does gets me every time.
All those men are QUITE hot, esp Patrick Stewart. If you haven't seen it, rent or buy I, Claudius to check out a nearly nude Jean-Luc Picard circa 1976.
Bugs Bunny in Drag. For real. I've tried to deny it or make sense of it for years, to no avail.
Thank you for this forum to finally get this out.
Mmmm...Jeff Goldblum (especially in Life Aquatic), and I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets little excited staring at the thin lips and sheepish naughty schoolboy look sported by Vladimir Putin (he's why we were Russia in Model UN during college).
But: Steve Coogan
Uhm, I feel dirty (and old), that somehow I'm in the same category with George W. Bush and Harvey Keitel, of people you'd blow. Dan Savage, OK, but Bush? Ick. I need my brain washed out with soap and water.
Dude! @81, I am SO with you. Something about ALL of them, although passenger side guy is nothing to be ashamed of. I would do 'em all at once.
Ethan Hawke probably doesn't qualify. Some people think he's ugly and snaggle-toothed, but I've always had the hots for him.
Another odd one for me is Patrick Steward (Captain Picard). I'm usually attracted to younger twinky guys, but he always gets me going. It's the voice, I think.
Oh, and yes, Harvey Keitel. Totally. Again, way against type for me.
Oh! And probably the most embarrassing: Carrot Top.
(All of you voting for Jeff Goldblum should be disqualified. That is NOT a shameful crush.)
Tom Brokaw, in a heartbeat.
Oh, and, Gene Hackman. Even old.
I forgot one of mine, John Oliver of the Daily Show and the Bugle.
Penny, the helpful niece in the animated Inspector Gadget. I was 10, it wasn't pedophila.
There was a show in the 90s, Boston Commons. The younger sister to Anthony Clark's character had perky boobs with nipples that could cut glass... Me want.
I saw Sunny Kobi Cook at the Northgate Silver Platters some years ago. Nice, little heinie for someone her age...
Did somebody say Tinky Winky? Oh yeah.
Seriously, I could imagine myself pulling Michelle Malkin's hair while she begged for mercy, but only if I could kill her afterwards.
Shameful only because the image I have in mind is underage: Hayley Mills. Ohhhhhhh.....
Pete Doherty and Noam Chomsky.
@46 - She wasn't that good.
I'm not ashamed to take the easy jokes.
Cliff Bemis - the dude from the IHOP commercials in the early 90s. Now there was a bear of a man.
Abraham Lincoln impersonators.
What can I say - I dig truthiness... and top hats.
fnarf, funny how both you and WiS mention michelle malkin (she who facilitated WiS idiotically calling me a "neocon), since you hate eachother. something clearly ironic in that.
Karen Walker from Will & Grace. The character, not the actress. Megan Mullally isnt shame-worthy, but Karen is, IMO.
And weird crazy is James Lipton.
Blaire (with an e)
does chris martin from coldplay count?
@87... Ethan Hawke not attractive? Are these people insane? I think that of all the people mentioned, Ethan Hawke is the least qualified to be a shame crush.
Allison Janney. No, I don't care that she's like twice my age, I'd bend her over the Resolute desk in a heartbeat.
Brandon Cruz in "Courtship of Eddie's Father" but only when I was the same age - not now. And yes, Allison Janney in a heartbeat.
Brian Dennehy. Always and forever.
Ron Perlman. Big time... especially in City of Lost Children, but even in that horrible Alien movie he was in. Can't wait for the new Hellboy movie.
Jeff Goldblum seems to be pretty standard... first thing I saw him in was Vibes with Cyndi Lauper and Julian Sands. He's hot now, but I'd argue he wasn't at the time.
Alan Rickman - not a looker, but his voice could drop me at a hundred yards. First thing I saw him in was Closetland, in which he was thoroughly horrifying and vile and yet devastatingly sexy at the same time.
Burn Gorman from Torchwood. Odd face, but great actor.
Oh, and I'll have to second Judi Dench. Wow. The outtake from Chocolat where she's flirting with Johnny Depp is just swoonworthy.
Kay Bailey Hutchison. Elizabeth Dole. Lisa Murkowski.
(A) Powerful women do it for me, and (B) in my fantasy universe my penis is powerful enough to cure them of their Republicanism.
I can't believe nobody's mentioned Anne Robinson from The Weakest Link. Come ON, people.
Also: Old Yoko Ono.
Big Sven @107: Great. Now the Republican-cock-cure is on my list too.
In 2000, during the election, I had a monstrous crush on Al Gore. That wouldn't have been a shame crush, except I was seventeen at the time.
Hmm. I seem to be drawing a blank. Maybe it's because all the super-hot celebrities out there distract me from lusting after shame crushes. Does it count that I used to have a huge thing for Sailor Mercury when I was 13?
I once had a super-hot dream involving Morton Downey, Jr. (pre-facial-mole removal) and Genie Francis (from General Hospital) and yes, I know that Genie Francis is kind of cute, but DOWNEY? And both of them in the SAME dream?
I shudder with lust and shame every time I think about that dream.
Ok, let's do this right.
Wee-man from Jackass & fat Ron Jeremy.
What a funny coincidence that news of Verne Troyer's sex tape is on defamer. Is he someone's crush of shame? Speak up!
Oh hell yes.
fat, drunk-ass charles barkley
I totally get Kevin Smith. For me there would be "the bus", Gerome Bettis, from the Steelers and that Eugene guy who's always on Kieth Olberman's show. His personality makes me want to toss him around in bed for a night.
Currently:fat, slobby, perpetually hungover Vince Vaughn. I know that he's a leading man and everything, but I'm pretty sure it counts. Hatefucking, involving him throwing up at some point and being disgusted with eachother afterwards fits the bill. Mmmmm, perfect.
@81 and @86- You guys are my new best friends! I love that guy and his curly hair!!!
George C. Scott, since I was like 8 years old and saw "Day of the Dolphin". I have no explanation for this.
107 you're crazy. Have you ever seen Lisa Murkowski up close? I made her a cup of coffee once and she pretty much looks like Skeletor with a scary, unmoving, wig. Seriously. And she didn't tip.
Dangit, I'm late, and all you shameful pervs beat me to my shame crush. First one that came to mind?
Sandra Bernhard. I guess it's the smarts. 'cuz it sure ain't the face.
Katherine Heigl smoking is like Charlize Theron smoking, or Natalie Portman: I'd grant a special exemption, for one weekend.
Dana Perino, I only feel slightly shameful about. She so purdy. I hate the way that she parrots lies, but I'd like to think that somehow, my love could cure her.
Young Jane Goodall? Oh yeah! And I'm such a fan of the great apes, well, sure, old Jane Goodall, too. Hey, I've seen pics of the rest of her family, she still looks good by comparison. (Think "Wallace & Gromit" humans.)
Allison Janney? Krikey, she's only slightly goofy looking, just a little quirky. Brains, sass, hips. No shame here.
When I was younger, Yoko Ono. I'm over it now.
Shame here: Jessica Rabbit
The greatest shame of all: Ann "Hatchet Face" Coulter
She's a bad person. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm attracted for reasons I can't quite grasp, but I am fully conscious that I am ashamed ... maybe... that I would not be gentle with her. Bad, bad person. Hurting America more than Tucker Carlson.
Would Stanley Tucci count? Want him to put a dog collar on me and be my daddy!
Rush Limbaugh. Need I say anymore?
I totally want to do him every which way but loose and then kick the bastard out of bed for his horrible reactionary politics.
I bet he'd be an awesome bottom. Don'tcha think? ;)
Wow, LHwSS, that is... shameful.
And yes, bottom for Rush, and make him impersonate Ned Beatty, please. REEE!
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