From: “NBA All-Access”
Sent: Monday, June 9, 2008 4:50pm
To: josh@thestranger.com
Subject: Josh, Your New All-Access Benefits Are Available

Your June All-Access Member Update
Josh, your All-Access benefits are now available. Read below for more information.

From: josh@thestranger.com
To: NBA All-Access
Date: Monday, June 9, 2008 5:11pm
Subject: RE: Josh, Your New All-Access Benefits Are Available

I’m from Seattle. You’ve lost this market. Don’t email me anymore.

Thanks.

From: All Access
To: josh@thestranger.com
Date: Tuesday, June 10, 2008 1:27pm
Subject: Reply to your message to NBA All-Access

Hi Josh,

Thank you for contacting us. Per your request, we have cancelled your All-Access account. You should stop receiving emails from us within 10 business days.

Should you want to reactivate your account in the future, visit the All-Access member center at www.nba.com/allaccess. You will be asked for the email address and password associated with the previously cancelled account. If you’ve forgotten your old information, you can create a brand-new account.

Thank you,
The All-Access Team

This was inspired by my brilliant friend Tom, who recently wrote this masterpiece (seriously, read it):

For your pleasure, my response to some NBA spam I received this evening. No one else will read it, so I figure you might as well.

Subject: RE: A special message from the NBA

Dear Mr. Stern:

Boy, your databases must not have told you that I live in Seattle. Now that you’ve played your blackmail game and taken your official Spalding basketball away and run (to Oklahoma City?!?), I can’t imagine why on earth I’d want to sign up for your All-Access pass.

In case you need reminding, here’s your current business model: billionaires own teams full of multimillionaires, who play their games in front of the millionaires and corporate representatives who can afford inflated ticket prices and absurd luxury box licenses. And if this model is not subsidized by everyday local taxpayers (renovating a perfectly lovely arena after only 10 years because there aren’t enough luxury boxes?!?) then you take a team that a lot of people have made the mistake of investing emotional energy in, and plop it down in some dustbowl town that doesn’t know any better and is desperate enough for some big-league action that they’ll fork over civic money.

I love the game of basketball—boy do I—but that business model is FLAWED, and I’m proud of my city for standing up to it. Congratulations on abandoning one of the wealthiest and fastest-growing cities in the country, and good luck convincing a big-ticket free agent to agree to play in Oklahoma. Oh, wait, you want them all in Boston and Los Angeles anyway—well done!

All the best—