??!! Poland Is Watching You While You Sleep and Recording Your Dreamz
posted by May 14 at 16:00 PMon
So, the annual Pierogi Festival was this past Saturday, May 10, at the Polish Home on Capitol Hill. At the Pierogi Festival, I ate 14 pierogies (kraut & mushroom #1!), overheard an awkward conversation regarding traditional hats and “the Old Country,” and was stamped on my right wrist with a blob of hot pink ink that read “YUM YUM!”
It is now Wednesday, May 14.
Here is a picture of my right wrist:
DO YOU SEE THE PINK SPOT? IT IS EVEN BRIGHTER IN PERSON.
I have scrubbed the pink ink every day.* I have tried various soaps and abrasive Korean cloths and loofahs. The pink ink will not fade. My friends who were with me at the Pierogi Festival have reported the same stubborn YUM YUM spot**. Anyone else? WTF, Poland?
This leads me to three possible conclusions:
1. Using next-generation tiny ink molecule transmitter technology, the Poles got all up in my blood and are tracking my movements for their own sinister ends.
2. Using next-generation tiny ink molecule transmitter technology, the Poles got all up in my blood and are recording data on my likes and dislikes*** so they can get me a suuuuuper awesome Christmas present this year!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. It’s just permanent ink. It takes a while to wash off. Calm the fuck down.
Anyone? Thoughts? Anyone?
*NOT A EUPHEMISM FOR MASTURBATION!
**MOST DEFINITELY A EUPHEMISM FOR MASTURBATION.
***TURN-ONS: PIEROGIES. TURN-OFFS: FRUITLESS SCRUBBING, SCRUBBING, ALWAYS SCRUBBING.