??!! Poland Is Watching You While You Sleep and Recording Your Dreamz
posted by on May 14 at 16:00 PM
So, the annual Pierogi Festival was this past Saturday, May 10, at the Polish Home on Capitol Hill. At the Pierogi Festival, I ate 14 pierogies (kraut & mushroom #1!), overheard an awkward conversation regarding traditional hats and “the Old Country,” and was stamped on my right wrist with a blob of hot pink ink that read “YUM YUM!”
It is now Wednesday, May 14.
Here is a picture of my right wrist:
DO YOU SEE THE PINK SPOT? IT IS EVEN BRIGHTER IN PERSON.
I have scrubbed the pink ink every day.* I have tried various soaps and abrasive Korean cloths and loofahs. The pink ink will not fade. My friends who were with me at the Pierogi Festival have reported the same stubborn YUM YUM spot**. Anyone else? WTF, Poland?
This leads me to three possible conclusions:
1. Using next-generation tiny ink molecule transmitter technology, the Poles got all up in my blood and are tracking my movements for their own sinister ends.
2. Using next-generation tiny ink molecule transmitter technology, the Poles got all up in my blood and are recording data on my likes and dislikes*** so they can get me a suuuuuper awesome Christmas present this year!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. It’s just permanent ink. It takes a while to wash off. Calm the fuck down.
Anyone? Thoughts? Anyone?
*NOT A EUPHEMISM FOR MASTURBATION!
**MOST DEFINITELY A EUPHEMISM FOR MASTURBATION.
***TURN-ONS: PIEROGIES. TURN-OFFS: FRUITLESS SCRUBBING, SCRUBBING, ALWAYS SCRUBBING.
Maybe it wouldn't be so pink if you didn't rub it so hard. [See footnotes * and **].
The ink is long gone. Leave it alone and it will turn a lovely shade of alabaster again.
Lye will probably work.
Call in Dr. 90210!!
There was a Pierogi Festival and I MISSED IT??
Cześć from Poland. Not that anyone but me really cares, but pierogi is already plural. Pierog is the singular. Writing "pierogies" is as redundant and strange as writing "alumnies".
My guess is that the ink is carcinogenic and comes from China. It was the cheapest thing those stingy Poles felt like paying for. Apply copious amounts of wódka both internally and externally and you will be cured.
Seriously, I bet that ink is alcohol soluble. Try vodka, turpentine, or isopropyl alcohol.
Całuję wam mocno,
A SLOG fan in Poland who has never been to Washington State.
For some reason it reminded me that it's supposed to be sunny for the next few days. [ducking]
I ate 15.5 pierogi that day. And then took a nap. A very long nap. When I awoke my Yum Yum was gone.
What does it all mean?
We saw the signs for the pierogi festival on the way home from an Ikea run, but the lure of delicious Polish food was overruled by the need to assemble Swedish furniture to get my crap off the floor.
I still think the festival would have been more fun.
We Poles put our blood into the YUM YUM stamp.
Soon you'll have a baby Pole bursting from your chest! Muhaha!
Everyone knows if you need to clean something, you use DR BRONNERS MAGIC SOAP.
duh!
Rub some Kelly O on it and it will go away.
remember Aqua Net? That will ALWAYS take off ink on your skin. If you can find some. Rubbing Alcohol is your next best option.
You know, if you just got a nice Celtic dragon weave tattoo there, nobody would notice it.
To paraphrase everyone else, you are pale. But hey! So are we all, Seattle. So are we all.
I meant to say very lovely shade of alabaster.
it will fade faster if you keep your skin moisturized. if you had lotioned up before you got stamped, it probably would have washed off more easily.
Quit your whining. Don't you Polish folks have it good enough with your good looks and perfect skin?
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