Terrance at Republic of T had a good post about this topic, too: http://www.republicoft.com/2008/05/28/the-color-of-adoption/

I was raised alongside two boys whose very fundamentalist white Christian parents had adopted them from Korea. I also have a cousin who was adopted from China.

In the case of the Korean boys, they grew up angry because they kept being told how grateful they should have been to be in America...not necessarily with parents who loved them, but in the land of opportunity none the less. They didn't get closure until in their early 30's, when they went back to Korea to meet the aunt who had given them up for adoption, and learned a little bit about who they were and where they came from.

When my uncle was talking about adopting my cousin, I asked my father if they were going to put her into Chinese school AND Hebrew school. My uncle thought this was a rude question, and they quickly taught her to call herself by her American name only. When she was about six, she figured out that she was not white, and not ethnically Jewish. She flipped the fuck out for about five years, demanding to be taken back to China, alienating herself from her family, and reacting in HORROR when she met my Asian fiance. Instead of, like, finding a Chinese support group in their area, or moving to a more Asian city, they basically spoiled her until she decided to get over it. So now I have a spoilt, obnoxious cousin who I cannot leave alone with my little stepdaughter, because she will hit the younger child. Whee.

I think, if my uncle was not so obtuse about the whole thing, my cousin could benefit from coming to live with my husband and I for the summer, since I teach at a Chinese summer school, and could expose her to people that have similar experiences to hers without the trauma.

I am an African-American and I have seen many families in the community (churches, stores, etc.), whites who have adopted black children. I have always wondered about the lives of black children who live with parents, who for all their love and good intentions, cannot impart to them their experiences in navigating through a culture where they are a minority, and historically an oppressed minority. As issues of race are once again brought into the open because of the candidacy of Barack Obama (and statements of his former pastor, and from his wife as well) it is easy to see the chasm that still exists between the races.

When Ray Nagin refers to "Chocolate City" or Barack Obama brushes off his shoulders, and they are criticized by people who don't know the cultural references they are alluding to - because people choose not to be fluent in our culture, while expecting us to be fluent in the dominant culture - I can imagine it would be difficult to not be fluent in your own culture's language, experience and nuance.

One thing that has always bothered me is that when I see white parents with a black child, the child's hair is always a mess. It is improperly combed, improperly styled, and I always want to shake the parent and say "If you don't know what you are doing, ASK SOMEONE". There is no excuse for that. And though it may sound shallow, it is symptomatic of failures to address the differences between them, and to learn how to deal with them.

If a white mother won't ask a black woman about a black child's hair, how on Earth will she know how to prepare her child for the first time they are called the n-word? Having never experienced it and the weight it carries with it, how will she know how to tell the child to react (or not react) to it.

If your world is white, and you are not, you cannot help but feel yourself as other and separate. Though love makes the world easier, it is not all the armor black people need to walk through this world. And well meaning white parents (including the rich and famous - and yes, Zahara's hair is a hot mess)- need to make a great effort to make sure this child knows who it is, why it is, and how to rise and walk through this world with dignity.

Are they better off adopted than not, surely. But more must be done than just taking a child into your home. Love must include knowing that you are not all that child will need, and as sure as you provide the child with nourishing food, you must nourish it's soul and spirit as well. It is that starvation that causes the pain you experienced.

Stella,

Eloquently put.

I do have a question to put to the board -- what about biracial transracial adoptions? What about two parents of different races adopting a child of a third race? This is more or less the situation I would likely find myself in if my husband and I chose to adopt.

If assholes didn't use labels to demonize The Other, good people wouldn't have to worry about labels when doing an otherwise good deed. Fucking assholes.

Is there a shortage of adoptees? I had always assumed--but I don't know if this is correct--that there was a shortage of adopters, not the other way around. If that's the case, while these concerns are definitely valid--and adoptive parents should definitely be made aware of them--it seems a bit odd to tell people that they "shouldn't adopt."

Growing up with racially insensitive adoptive parents? Probably a pretty bad experience. Is it worse than growing up in a foster home with no adoptive parents?

There are those who believe that race should be an issue in adoption. I don't. If a loving home can be found for a child, then by all means. But taking a child into a home is not all that needs to happen. If someone adopted a child with special needs, they would not forego seeing to those needs, whatever they may be. I'm not saying the being black (or any other ethnic group) is a disability, but it does present special needs in this case.

It may be very difficult for others to understand. You may be part of the majority culture. It is a culture that caters to you and your sensibilities, in every aspect of your life. So don't notice it as such. But if it were not that way, you would understand.

Suppose a black African family can here and adopted an orphaned white child. They take that child to sub-Saharan Africa. They love the child, raise it in it's native culture. And without a thought to the child's skin color, sends that child out without sunblock. They don't think about it. It is not a part of their culture. No one they know needs it. The child gets burned. Eventually, I'm sure the child would stop burning - but that would not mean there is no damage, beneath the surface.

Do you think thirty years later, a diagnosis of melanoma would not cause some anger? Does this child not have the right to say, couldn't you see I was different? Didn't you know I was burning? Did you not know that for my skin, unprotected exposure to the sun could cause long term problems?

All I am saying is attention must be paid, and care must be taken.

@3 I'm planning on adopting domestically, and I know that the odds are that I'll get a black child because the race is utterly unimportant to me. Regarding the hair, I'm way ahead of you. Having been friends with a good number of black women, I know this will be a big deal, and expect to spend a good deal of time learning exactly how to deal with it.

But in general, I wanna adopt, I don't care what the race of the child is, but being a good Seattle liberal, I'll make damned sure my kids are aware of their biological and cultural heritage, while imparting my cultural heritage on them as well. If I'd been the parent of that Chinese kid, yeah, Chinese school and Hebrew school (well, Seattle Hebrew Academy), and God help the child, parent, or faculty member who treats my kids poorly, because my mother's overprotective temper has been passed on to me.

But I doubt I'll have difficulty helping my children navigate through a world of prejudice, as I'm a gay, Hispanic Jew. My best friend jokes that my nickname should be Three Strikes.

I'd like to see some stats on the race of potential adoptive parents, because I'm curious whether they tend to be white (my personal feeling is yes). How many black or Asian families are available to adopt black and Asian children?

Will this kind of sentiment -- "stick to your own race" -- mean that non-white children are less likely to be adopted?

It's so confusing ... at once we're trying to teach that we should treat people according to their character rather than their race, and then completely embracing the opposite. I agree it's practical to respond to real rather than ideal behaviour, but the issue seems to me to be more about parenting rather than race.

Why should a white adoptive parent be *expected* to teach their black child "black" culture or values? Would we expect any parent of any race to teach anything but their own values?

Should straight children only be adopted by straight parents? After all, they'd be treated as straight in their lives, and perhaps gay parents can't relate to that. Conversely, should we take gay children away from their straight families? Isn't that a ridiculous judgment on the many compassionate and understanding parents out there?

A good parent, of any race, would be able to raise a child of any race, because they'd be able to adapt and respond.

He was "grateful to have been adopted at all", says it all for me. Granted, some people who adopt are mean or ignorant, but then I wasn't adopted and I can't say my parents were very pleasent to be around. Educate people about the needs of an adopted child. Whether or not it's mixed race or not. Children need a loving home.

Isn't this similar to the arguments many make against allowing gay couples to adopt?

But aren't the only kids present at this event will be those holding a grudge? Nobody who's fine gonna bother with that.

@3 - FYI, I'm a Caucasian female, and I can't count the times I've wondered why it's okay for someone to refer to me as "white girl" and had the color of my skin referenced. I'd get the shit kicked out of me if I walked down the street yelling "hey black guy!"

I think comparing an African-American child to a special-needs child is utterly ridiculous, and as for the apparent incompetence of white adoptive parents to style their child's hair properly - save your outrage for something else.

As someone who has worked for an international adoption agency, I can vouch for the fact that adoptive parents REALLY wanted their kid(s), and while they may have a screwed up childhood regardless, didn't most of us?

It's disappointing to hear that many white, transracial adoptive parents take race far too lightly. I've seen the same issues in interracial couples as well: my cousin, who's black but very light-skinned, married a white woman, and their kids basically look white. The kids are all still aged in the single digits but we're starting to see problems already, such as one of them making a casually racist remark to my sister. Apparently issues of race have been completely absent from their parenting, in which case the mass media and what kids say in school has had to stand in for a coherent, positive racial consicousness.

One of the things whites need to understand when thinking of adopting nonwhite children is that race, and identity more generally, will be infinitely more salient to the children than to the parents. The racial gap between parents and child magnifies this general phenomenon, as Jen notes. Thus transracial adoptive parents need to commit to making a continuous effort to assist their kids in sorting out identity issues. This can be a problem even in biologically and racially concordant parenting situations—much has been made in the media lately about the black male identity crisis and its travails—but again, the issue is much more pronounced and exigent with transracial adoptions. It really bothers me to see that some parents aren't tackling these concerns at all, let alone with the tenacity necessary to help their kids develop strong, healthy identities.

God, only Americans care about this.

Seriously, the only prob is when you go to school to get the kids and they look different than you ...

Firstly, I have never seen such uniformly considerate responses on the Slog comment board. Bravo! Secondly, a safe, simple guideline for all parents, adoptive or not, is this: "Every child is unique. Therefore, every child has unique needs." For parents of one race to adopt a child of another, they absolutely need to recognize that some of the child's major needs as s/he grows up is going to be additional support in navigating this world because of her/his unique circumstances. Asking for help raising one's child makes a person a GOOD parent, not a bad one.

Jen, you might check out the social work databases for research on adoption, transracial and otherwise. There is a lot.

As you acknowledge self selected or "convenience samples" are problematic. While the above mentioned adoptees experience is of course valid, it is not clear what their experience means in terms of social policy. Such sampling may be selecting people whose adoptive parents had poor parenting skills and difficulties navigating bicultural currents or it may be selecting people who are unhappy for a variety of reasons and ascribe their unhappyness to their transracial adoption per se rather than the more difficult to identify and acknowledge sources, such as trauma or abuse at the hands of their biological parent(s).

The CNN article was fairly balanced. I come down on the side of more adoptions are needed, transracial or otherwise but that parental training should be focused on the individual strengths and weaknesses of the parent and child, including the effects of transracial adoption. The idea that if a white family doesn't already know black people they shouldn't adopt a black child is an impractical and inhumane litmus test. The waiting list of children who need loving homes attests to this.

Hey, Jen, Sherman Alexie wrote a novel about this -- Indian Killer. Asking him might find you something.

I'm sure Pat Buchanan would agree wholeheartedly with Sherman Alexie on this one. Jesus please us, I don't think the world is any the worse because ancient Scythian culture is dead. The planet is slowly turning into a culture museum as people try to preserve cultural integrity past its useful lifetime. It's time for a new paradigm.

Wow! An intelligently written and thought out discussion about something important.

Written proof that Sloggers aren't feces throwing monkeys ALL the time!

My wife was adopted from Korea by white, Christian, and generally clueless parents. She's got some issues with that, but realizes that it was a helluva lot better than coming of age in a Korean orphanage.

So, I'm curious about the Korean woman who wants to end transracial adoption. What's the alternative?

One of the biggest obstacles is Asian culture, which values boys over girls and places great value on family honor (illegitimate children need not apply). The boy/girl imbalance is magnified in China with the one-child policy.

The other thing I find interesting is my wife looks Korean, but doesn't speak the language, bow, or enjoy kim-chi. And, it's not for lack of trying to learn about the culture. It's a matter of growing up immersed in one culture or another. Regardless of her parents' efforts, my wife would never be a native-speaker.

As a mixed race person, I can understand not identifying with a single culture, and being viewed as an outsider by both of my ethnic groups. I imagine it's a similar issue for transracial adoptees. However, with the world being "smaller" than ever before, there are more and more mixed race people out there, and in a way, it's a culture in and of itself.

I think this is an issue taken very seriously by reputable adoption agencies in the last few decades. My uncle (white, as is his wife) adopted two little girls from China in the mid-90s. They are both really well adjusted, but they makes sure they go to Chinese school every Saturday (which they aren't very fond of), they have Chinese middle names, and they've known since they could talk that they were adopted.

I don't believe transracial adoption is the issue, because there are tons of kids adopted by parents of the same race who feel like they don't belong. In my girlfriend's family (she's Filipino), her cousin was adopted from the Philippines, so she was the same race. They didn't tell her until she was like 16 or 17 that she was adopted, plus she has a number of medical problems that are probably genetic, but there's no record. Whenever a kid is treated like where they came from is taboo, it's going to be traumatic.

Just so you know, Stella, black people get sunburnt, too. It's not as obvious to a person looking at a sunburnt person with dark skin, but UV rays are still capable of damaging and burning skin with large amounts of melanin (it takes more UV with more melanin, but it still happens fairly easily, at least if you live somewhere that actually has UV rays).

It probably makes more sense for white people that are at least familiar with African American culture to adopt African American children. I think parents that don't know the culture or ethnic group their adoptive child is coming from simply need to expect to do a bunch of extra work.

In some ways, parents and children are always going to be both very alien to each other and very familiar to each other. I think white parents can adopt non-white children in the same way that white people can be friends with non-white people; be open about possible differences, and embrace the power of difference, but don't assume differences based on group characteristics.

I think that the dialogue and education are really important and that's what makes me happy. I'm white and was adopted by white parents, so the transracial part doesn't apply to me. While my parents told me I was adopted from the time I could understand, there was a lot of expectation of gratitude and minimization of the family of origin type stuff.

If I could have come with instructions, they would have included parts on nurturing the part of me that feels like it doesn't belong - naming that and letting it be in the relationship rather than trying to sweep it under the rug. Even on this totally different scale -- that of just being *different* than the rest of them in so many ways -- I can tell you that if I'd internalized that that was a part of the situation and not that there was something wrong with me and my inability to relate, life woulda been a whole lot easier.

Here's a vid about a transracial adoptee:

http://www.seattlechannel.org/videos/watchVideos.asp?program=communityStories

Scroll down to "Community Stories: From Yoomee to Deborah 3/19/2006"

Banning transracial adoption is about the stupidest thing I've ever heard. The myriad "transracial adoptees" who had pleasant childhoods are who are well-adjusted, healthy, happy adults (of which I personally know five) didn't attend this meeting, I see.

Maybe let's ban adoption by asshole parents.

Wow, um, sheesh. @15 & 26: Word.

Seriously. I haven't been back in a while, but this identity politics thing that I read about all the time seems totally nuts. Whatever happened to the good old American individual? Melting pot, anyone? Or Bullsworth's "Let's keep on f***ing till we're all the same color!"

It is unnecessary and harmful to go out of your way to conform to a manufactured group identity. "Asian" as a cultural signifier is quite silly. Lump Thais in with Kazakhs, Indians with Mongolians, Burmese with Japanese? WTF?

Also, another two cents: African-American culture doesn't have much to do with Africa. I have friends from the US who were born there and are black, and friends from Nigeria, Kenya, and Angola. Not the same cultures at all. And yes, you should feel white guilt for that if you are white.

My husband and I are white and we adopted a nine-year-old hispanic boy four years ago.

The amount of training and inspection that we went through was incredible. I understand the need to protect these vulnerable children from bad parents, but shouldn't all children be thus protected? Shouldn't all prospective parents be required to take first aid classes and children's CPR, for instance? But imagine the uproar if anyone tried to make that a requirement for biological parents, if the government tried to qualify biological parents in any way.

Adoptive parents are criminalized from the beginning. We were fingerprinted three times, investigated by the United States Department of Justice and the State of California. We had inspectors search our home, our bank accounts and credit reports, our bodies - physical exams are required. We were given psychological screenings. Then there was a year of followup inspections. Can you imagine the outrage if this were required for biological parents?

Dabbling in the lives of adoptive families, however, is not just accepted, but expected. Outsiders consider providing their opinions a duty, as required oversight. Strangers will stop us and make comments. Clerks at the store and administrators at the school will all let us all know how they feel about our family, and not always in the nicest way.

I guess what I want to ask is, is it really any of your business? There are good adoptive parents and bad adoptive parents, just as there are good biological parents and bad biological parents. Some kids get more screwed up than others, by adoptive and biological parents alike.

You don't know the whole story. You can't possibly. You aren't part of those families. Should you be? What are YOUR qualifications for proposing family policies that might leave some children without families? 20,000 children age out of foster care each year. 25% of these end up homeless. Less than half will graduate from high school. So before you start sticking your nose into other peoples' lives, take a long hard look at the damage you might be doing, and ask yourself if you're willing and able to deal with the consequences.

Another view on this subject:
Interracial Intimacies: Sex, Marriage, Identity, and Adoption,
by Randall Kennedy

P.S. It isn't that hard to get a white person to cry.

P.S. It isn't that hard to get a white person to cry.

This is probably the best line I've ever read on Slog. Butch up people.

i can't speak to adoption, but with a "white" mom and mixed race dad i can identify with having parents that are from a different culture than you. and i think it is definitely more individual that a person's "race." my mom did more in her life to expose me to black culture and all the different parts of my heritage than my father ever did.

i was almost put up for adoption but they told my mom that i was much more likely to grow up in foster care, since i wasn't white. (this was before being mixed was "exotic") so i absolutely think that transracial adoptions should be allowed. everyone deserves a chance to be raised in a loving family.

however, people that think race differences won't matter for their children, it will be ok to ignore the issues that come with race in america, are sadly mistaken. the way i look absolutely affects my life in a myriad of ways that i may not conform to or agree with, but that still effect me.

@15, this sort of thing may only matter to americans, but that is where we are, right? and when i went to school and realized i was different it was because i came home from pre-school asking my mom what a n***** was, and when i got older when black kids started calling me "oreo." it took me a long time to come to terms with who i am, and a huge part of that was realizing that the black experience in america is very different than the white, even if you end up in private schools and grow up in a predominantly white city. so it matters, especially to the kids that are having to deal with this.

everyone should have parents that are sensitive to these sort of issues and i thank god my mom had the candor and foresight to put me in schools where there were more black students than white, and in general try to expose me to the whole world, not just her own experience of it.

and an honest and uncomfortable discussion about race in seattle? i'm seriously impressed!

this is one of the only slog posts i've read all the way through by jen graves.

anyhow, it is just as important for educators and other adults influencing children of different races to have training on multicultural issues as it is for the parents of multiracial kids or kids who have a different racial background than they do.

@ 13 i can't tell you what can and cannot offend you but i can tell you i am not offended by being called white or white girl in the least. it is what i am. i also don't know any black people who are offended by being referred to as black. it is important to talk about race as long as it is an issue. because america isn't a meritocracy and americans aren't colorblind, it is important to be an anti-racist ally. if you are a person who experiences unearned advantage because of your race, you don't have to hate yourself or feel offended when someone calls you white. you can volunteer or work to end racism and educate other whites.

Jen,

Someone else has likely already told you about this by now, but on Tuesday, May 27, one of those hour-long nationally syndicated NPR daytime talk programs did a show on this very topic. I am sorry to not know which program it was. It was most likely "Talk of the Nation" or "Day to Day". I would look it up for you, but I'm visiting my mother in a rural area and she has the hella slow dial up. Definitely check to see if it is archived. They had two dualling "experts" and several interesting callers.

I think we have to be careful when the response to criticism of certain adoptive parents is well isn't it better to have loving parents or some such. I think the focus should be on getting folks who adopt a child of a different to get over the "melting pot" "color blind" "identityless" society. We've always been a salad bowl.
I always found it interesting that some friends would say "hey, I'm scotch-irish and czech" and talk about thing in their family were still traditions from the old country and they would generally feel proud and fuzzy. If I adopt a guatemalan kid and know abosolutely nothing about that culture, don't link the kid to the culture in any way what is her response when the question turns to her? What traditions in my house are of her country - and I don't just mean a piece of art. I don't think this is weird or strange or inappropriate to link a child with their culture. I find it stranger that there is an argument about it. And even white adoptive kids I know go through this! So helping interested adoptive parents with resources and tools I think is imperative and maybe having them talk to adults who were adopted about some things they wish they'd had. I'm sorry but this was the best quote ever: "Don't think you can make black friends after you adopt a black child. If you don't already have black friends, you shouldn't be adopting a black child." You could insert any race or culture there, 'cause seriously you're going to be so busy with the kid are you going overcome fear and apprehsension and stepping on kid toys to take yourself and the kid to chinese school on the weekends, where you are the only non- chinese person? And a PS to @9, by simply going to school, walking out the door, tv, media kids can't help but learn about dominant white culture. Its just there and for the most part well rounded. Its a bit harder to get a well-rounded picture of other cultures and races, so yes, I do expect adoptive parents of another race to work harder for the kid. I mean heck, in standard school you wouldn't think the greeks existed at all after aristotle. And @27 southern black culture has a lot of ties to traditions of west africa, paricularly in terms of certain foods and traditions. The gullah islands of Georgia and the Carolinas are linked to africa in the same way the Cape Breton islands are linked a bit more to the old country than Canada.

I'm late to this, but there are lots of good blogs by transracial adoptees that are worth reading. One of my favorites is "Harlow's Monkey" by Jae Ran Kim, who is both a Korean Adoptee and now a social worker who works with the foster care system. (you can google it)

Also, the issue of orphanage vs. adoption by wealthy Americans is an oversimplification of the situation. For example, the largest "sending" country for children to be adopted is South Korea. One of the problems caused by international adoption in Korea is that there's pretty strong evidence that it has helped them avoid really building any kind of social welfare network whereby poor women are in a position to raise children.

The adoption industry is, quite simply, very lucrative, and it's pretty tempting to just let it keep happening rather than for the country to, say, develop more humane programs for dealing with unplanned pregnancies, rape, and sexual abuse, which are often but not always in the background of mothers who surrender their children for adoption.

Another biproduct of all the money changing hands under complex and not transparent systems? In places like Guatemala and Vietnam there's been documented cases of kidnapping and baby selling. This has caused adoptions from those countries to be ended.

And even in China there's evidence that some orphanages, against international law, deliberately favor wealthy Western parents rather than Chinese parents who want to adopt. Because the Westerners have to pay, and orphanages depend on those fees to keep operating. It's not a simple situation.

That is not the fault of adoptive parents, but it is the reality. When there's a lot of money involved, and vast inequalities between countries and mothers who surrender children to adoption and those who adopt, there's all kinds of room for corruption. Personally, I want that kind of adoption to end.

Adoption is a blessing for both child and parents. It is also a lot of work. My spouse and I are a mixed couple. I am Hispanic, she is Irish and German. We have two biological sons and two adopted daughters. One from South Korea and one from Siberia (Russia).
When parents have children biologically, they may impart their ethnicity and culture to their children. When parents adopt transracially, an opportunity arises for ethnicity to flow the other direction.
My spouse and I have learned so much about Russian and Koran culture. The whole family is richer for it. We all learned a little Korean and a little Russian. We eat Rice and kimchee, borscht and pelmeni. We go to local Korean and Russian events. During the Olympics we cheer for the US, South Korea and Russia. We do that because that is who we are, as a family. We are a global family.
I agree with a previous commenter that we are not a melting pot so much as a salad. I use the term, tapestry.
It is the responsibility of all parents to help their children maneuver through those identity questioning times. Racism is still pervasive in America. When parents adopt children who are from a different ethnic group or race, it is their responsibility to learn what they can, enlist help, and to celebrate their children’s unique attributes.
As for sending your children to language school, be careful that you are not isolating them. Don’t send them to Chinese language school, for example, unless you take Chinese classes also. That way, you are being inclusive rather than pointing out their “differentness”.
I could not understand why our older daughter did not want to go to Korean language school? I did not understand, then, that she wanted to be like us, a “real” part of the family. Thus, our sending her, by herself, to Korean language school, only accentuated the fact that she was “not like us”.
Children need loving parents. Parents, who adopt transracially, have the added opportunity to enhance their own lives by creating a loving “tapestry” of family cultures.
Children look in the mirror. They look at family photographs. When their differences are celebrated as enhancements to the family, they grow up with a healthy tolerance of everyone else’s unique attributes, especially their own.