Sadly, people do not fear youth pastors enough.

My first thoughts are:

Brad Dourif
Crispin Glover

Where's the news?

Same thing with the media's crisis of the day. Sure 99% of the time swimmers won't be bitten and children won't be sexually abused by pastors, but that's not news. Why talk about humdrum everyday issues when we can get the people enthralled with the most unlikely of "tragedies."

"The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news, we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were." -David Brinkley

Isn't it a small price to pay for eternal salivation?

And then I read in the comments that it's Ben-Freaking-Stiller.

And now I need some mental floss. I feel dirty.

Sharks, anacondas, and alligators? Not many warm fuzzy moments, just the occasional Very Bad Incident.

Oh, and then there's yer fear of media bias by the media who's been told they're biased: you think they're about to go forth and treat religion skeptically? Or with a jaundiced eye? Or do any skeptical reporting while our nation is finagled into war? Nope. Too spineless. Don't want to fit the stereotype that certain folks (who have no agenda at all, no sirree) have accused them of.

Source: Nautical Quarterly, Spring 1981. Nautical Quarterly Inc., NY, New
York.

In August, 1980, in the waters of Bodega Bay, California, an apparently healthy 7' white shark was found trapped in a net, and brought to the Steinhart Aquarium in San Francisco. The shark was placed in the Aquarium's "roundabout," a 100,000 gallon donut shaped tank that allows for continuous movement. The shark was walked by the Director, Dr. John McKosker, and various members of the Aquarium staff, to ensure that the necessary oxygen would pass over its gills.Although the shark seemed healthy enough, it would occasionally bump into the inner mullions of the roundabout, indicating to McKosker that its faculties - particularly its electrical senses - were somehow impaired. The decision was made to release the shark to the open ocean. - It was better than watching her slowly die, day by day, - said McKosker, and the shark was returned to the
Pacific.

News of the capture, display and eventual release of the white
shark was nationally newsworthy, and in the Cincinatti Inquirer the
following comments were made by a columnist named Bob Brumfield:

It is hard for me to believe that anyone of sound mind would capture a shark when he could KILL it, unless his purpose was to study the shark in order to develop an effective shark repellant or a way to eradicate the entire species once and for all.

This isn't a Bambi movie McCosker! You've let loose a relentless
eating machine with a life span of God only knows how long. You've released a dreadful, silent killer to stalk swimmers as well as its normal food supply of fish. You've turned loose a thing so demonic it will consume its own entrails during a feeding frenzy; a thing without fear, without any thought except to eat until it is full, then regurgitate and eat again.

I hope that big booger gets You, McCosker. I hope one night you're swimming in the Pacific, and you feel something rough brush against your leg. Then I hope you look up and see a big, dark dorsal fin cutting through the ocean, leaving a sparkle of luminescence behind it - just before it slips below the surface - and WHAMMO! WHAMMO! WHAMMO!