Comments on Do Gay Men Really Kiss Like That on Their Death Beds?

God. you're right on. Again.
That's just weird.

Well, it is a kiss you do while fucking or making out with a really cute guy at the Cuff on a Saturday night.... not that I would know; just from what I have observed from a distance.

But if you had a brain tumor would you really be looking that hot?!?!

Dan, you are just never happy. How does Terry put up with you?!

Perhaps it's your lack of sleep, but your posts today are lame and tedious, and I think they might be making me impotent. Go take a nap.

Quite the prude, Mr. Savage. That is the kiss of two closeted guys overcome with emotion. It is a kiss of release. Looking at the entire clip, you can see that the sick passion is wound up very tight because: a) he is dying, and b) his dad is a homophobe. My impression is that these two characters are rarely given the opportunity to express their love so openly. Of course it is going to be passionate: the moment and the context calls for it. I can imagine two long-term partners giving a tender kiss to each other, but not two closeted soldiers who realize that one may die.

Probably they were checking Kirk kissing Uhura.

Real death bed scenes have tears, hysterical or choked sobbing, clinging, and runny noses. Not very attractive and "Grey's Anatomy" is all about the attractive.

p.s. The two actors probably ARE fucking!

sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss...

I'm not sure I buy it. If the guy was willing to go AWOL for his boyfriend, it seems to me that the show was making the case for gay relationships being emotionally deep. It says that we're willing to make tough sacrifices for each other.

It was an irrationally sexy kiss because every kiss on television is irrationally sexy.

eh...well, i'm not a gay man, but that's definitely the sort of kiss i would want if i knew i were about to die.

the kiss was a little much, but i think it was better in the context of the rest of the episode, since they supposedly hadn't seen each other for a very long time. I also think that they were trying to make it dramatic, playing off the idea that the viewer assumes that the men are both straight (since they're in the military).

i'll take 2 of the bald one. hold the brain tumor, please.

Plus, I got the impression that they hadn't seen each other in quite a while (presumably since the dying guy had to go on medical leave) and had never really been free to be, er, intimate in the first place. So, yeah, regardless of possible death, if I'm the lover, I'm going to want that one more time.

Er, I meant that they'd never had total freedom to get it on without worrying, not that they'd never gotten it on at all.

I didn't see anything wrong with it. It seemed less like a "throw me down and do me now" type of kiss and more like a kiss of two people who had been deprived of eachother. You know...like when you can't stop yourself a second longer because there's so much pent up emotion?
I watched it twice and I don't see what your talking about. Just my opinion.

I am shocked - SHOCKED! - to see shallow, sensational, and lewd content in a family show like Grey's Anatomy.

TV is reality now?

christ dan, are you always bitter now? First the Pancake Batter Blaster, now this.

does everything have to be how you think it should be? open up a little

Come on, Providence, don't be so critical.

If I ever see you at Nick-a-nee's, you'll get a stern look.

Jesus, Dan, have you forgotten that EVERYONE IS SEXUALLY DIFFERENT AND UNIQUE and EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS NOT THE SAME!? Those two principles alone would excuse the hot kissin'.

I look at it from my point of view. I have been with the same woman for 28 years, we've had sex about 17,000 times and if I were going into surgery, potentially to die, she would kiss me JUST. LIKE. THAT. And I'd kiss her back.

(Plus, Dan, it's clear that these guys have been away from each other for some time, and may never be together again, so a LOT of emotion is going to come out in that kiss. Remember, these guys are not in an acknowledged, public, supported relationship. They have to release their emotion when the opportunity arises, not whenever they feel like it.)

Yer a doofus on this one, Dan.

Dan, I think you're just being cranky. This looked like the kiss of 2 guys who may very well never kiss again, and know it. I saw emotional, not physical, passion. Brain tumor boy is on his way to surgery, not actually about to keel over when the big kiss happens. For it to have been portrayed like the last kiss one gives a grandparent would have completely sold out, and your/our scorn would have been deserved. Calm down, and get some. . .sleep.

Everything you say is correct but it's not antigay at all ...it's equal opportunity tasteless not discriminatory.

the hot 'n' horny, always-fucking-in-the-closet-docs and the gorgeous-but-slutty star of the show and that katherine hegl chick? going for that doofus-y doctor? wow none of this accurately depicts straight reality either ....

it is all a bit of an oversexualized fake world.....

sigh....

A little dramatic license, maybe. It's a TV show, after all.

But I could totally see it happening just like that for real, especially considering that they hadn't seen each other for a long time and might never have the chance to kiss like that again.

Consider that, just a decade ago, it was big news for two men to kiss on TV, in which case the kiss would be dry, awkward, and distant. If there's anything wrong here, I'd say it's simply a miscalculation. Producers and directors have traditionally been unwilling to show any affection or especially sexual desire between two men. The Grey's Anatomy folks were just overcompensating.

@3. Agreed.
Hey Dan, I have good news for you! You no longer have to arbitrate all things gay in the US! You have a man, a kid, a paper! Leave our lives to us. We'll be fine! Really!

This is Grey's Anatomy.

It's all about ... sex.

OK?

Now, move on.

Man, is that what it is gonna take for me to get one of them hot boyfriends?

A brain tumor?

Dammit.....

I caught the last 2-3 minutes of Grey's Anatomy, waiting for Lost to start, and I was astounded at how horribly written and acted the show is.

Unless the last scene was not representative of the show's overall quality. I'll never know, hopefully...

I have to disagree with Dan on this one.

That kiss exists in the context not just of all the heterosexism on broadcast television, but also in the face of 10 years of lesbian chic that has acted as a normalizing influence for lesbians in the main stream of American culture. Queer women's sexuality has been objectified by popular culture, and that objectification was used to open the door for more regular-looking dykes like Ellen and Gillian Armenante; evidently even people in the Midwest could be shamed into recognizing the hypocrisy of beating off to a hot lesbo kiss on Buffy while continuing to insist that lesbians in general were a dangerous and immoral lot.

I'm inclined to doubt that the same formula can be used to get wide acceptance for gay men. The cultural and societal pressures around "manhood" are very different than the ones lesbians had to overcome. But I've been wrong before, and I'd be happy to be proven wrong this time. If hot boys kissing like they're hip-deep in each other's assholes turns enough people on to gain some acceptance for gay men's sexuality as a legitimate bar in the spectrum of public partnership -- ie gay marriage -- I say let's see those inappropriately passionate faggy kisses on CSI, Law & Order, and every one of their ridiculous spin-offs, five days a week on all the major networks.

The pawing, the panting, and not a thought about hospital breath!

Gee, Dan, for a sex advice columnist, I'd have thought you could differentiate between the concepts of 'passion' and 'sex'. That kiss was clearly passionate. As one would expect from two people who have been forced to repress their feelings and are stealing a special moment, perhaps their last special moment. But like you said, maybe it's because you didn't sleep last night... I'm sure a nap would help.

That's HOT!

Grey's Anatomy? Really?

Well, I admitted that my judgement might be off -- I haven't slept for a couple of days. Okay, off to record a podcast!

Yah, I agree with most of the above comments - after making a long and detailed, er, examination of the video ... um. right. It's meant to portray desperate passion, not just fuck-me passion. Whether they really succeeded in showing it realistically is kind of beside the point to me - the fact that the idea of gay soldiers has gotten to the cultural reference point where it's a dramatic plot device on a popular show is a big positive.

Something else that I really haven't seen mentioned about this clip, though, is that showing how hurtful the dad's actions are is an important point, and while kinda subtle next to the OMG-they're-sucking-face-in-a-hospital bed thing it has a potential for some impact.

@33 ... go get some sleeeeep.

Isn't the target audience of Grey's Anatomy horny women? Or, obvious by Dr. Grey wetting her panties during that scene... (can I say fag-hags on this blog?)

I might also add that it wasn't really a "death bed" scene. The death didn't come for awhile and that was what they thought was a stolen moment. Had the dad not walked in shortly later - oops - then they might have had a more realistic death bed scene - and the death scene was certainly a lot different. Within the context of the show it wasn't that unrealistic.

The passion and vulnerability in that kiss not only conveyed the emotion of the moment, it took the actors status to a whole new level. The stroke of the face, the grasp of the heads...they knew not only their relationship was a challenge, but the possibility of survivial too...it was one last chance to say I love you and it was so so so conveyed very well...

Whoo! I haven't slept in a couple of days either! The piece is unarguably overacted, but so is all of Grey's Anatomy (and Lost, for that matter, though I do tune in). It seems that Dan is criticizing conventional wisdom that when it comes to gays portrayed on television "all press is good press". And he is right, watching Big-mouthed Girl stick it to Uber-Con Father is so trite that its intentions cease to be commendable, and its content deserves to be balked at. Jesus, it's been ten years since Ellen? Twelve? And "don't ask, don't tell is as far as Primetime can get on the "gay" issue? Whatever.

Since when is anything about Grey's Anatomy reflective of reality? The show, a Lifetime movie-of-the-week with a bigger budget, doesn't strive to emulate the complexities of human existence. Its purpose is to sell Stayfree Maxi-Pads, Huggies, pink disposable razors, and anything produced by Garnier.

The show is intended to tantalize those who are minus that aspect in their private lives. McDreamy and McSteamy? Indeed. Does that sound like something coming from someone who is getting their sexual needs met?

For further proof GA ain't reality, this: If you worked in a hospital and stood around talking about your relationships as much as these people do, you'd get your ass fired so quick.

This clip actually made me cry, because I was in the position of having to say goodbye last year. I left my lover of two decades in hospice (his choice), knowing the next time I saw him he'd be heavily sedated and wouldn't consciously know I was there again. I visited every day and he would stir when he heard me, but he was on an Ativan drip with fentanyl boluses to keep him comfortable. He did open his eyes once and look directly at me, but it was hard to tell if he could focus. I'd guess he couldn't, but he did act like familiar voices registered through the sedation.

If we could have kissed that way, we would have. And after he died eight days later, I kissed him--not on the lips, but on the forehead. He was already getting cold.

Fortunately, his family accepted us as a couple, so there was no bullshit to fight through with them.

Were I on my deathbed (and not sedated beyond all reasonable belief), I'd want more than a quick peck on the cheek from my Really Hot Lover....

I gotta agree with most of the other folks on here, Dan. Given the context, I don't think the show is trying to bash or stereotype gays with that kiss. The tender "normal-emotion" kiss you seek happens when the guy is a corpse, and shows gays have differences of emotion in different circumstances. Huzzah to the show for even plopping this plotline into a popular entertainment.

Doh ... Disclaimer: Yes, I'm a fag.

"It was an irrationally sexy kiss because every kiss on television is irrationally sexy."
Second that.

Dan, are you thinking too much or are you just being jealous?

I know that its been said already but damn Dan go take a fuckin nap!

I hope you are able to sleep soon, Dan. And maybe a couple of us could be a little nicer about disagreeing with him around, oh...Mother's Day...

Gotta say that if I ever find myself in the hospital for a brain tumor removal that may kill me I'll remember to kiss my partner hot and heavy just in case its the last time. I'm sure I won't care if some doc is in the room either. It would suck major bung if your last was a half-assed peck.

Shit I already make sure we kiss each other before either leaves for work just in case something stupid happens during the day.

Listen, if I were that hot, and my husband were that hot, I would want him making out with me like that at my own mother's funeral.

Dan,
You truly are a dickwad. But stay on the story of monitoring a TV show. A world exclusive!

I'm not familiar with the show, but. . . I thought the kiss was sweet and passionate. . . perhaps what you're reading as lust, I'm reading as the desperation that comes with knowing it might be the last time they see each other. And seeing them touch each others faces, being emotional and tender . . compared to the stupid, sterile pecks that we saw from the likes of Will and Grace, I appreciate that this is now fit for primetime.

I have to agree with you here...but man, that kiss was hot. And gay boys don't usually do it for me. Not personal, just not my cup of tea. Except for this one. Damn.

fucking hot.
send me off that way also, unknown future lover.

@4 Right Fucking On! That is exactly what i was thinking and feeling when I watched this. It was apparent to me that the sick guy is so paranoid (said so right beforehand even) that these two would hardly ever get to show affection. When you bring in to this the life threatening condition and surgery, I'm surprised they didn't take it further. ;)

For there to be so much fear and paranoia from the sick soldier that he consistently denies the efforts of Grey to help them, makes me sad. I was completely overcome by the end of this clip I think partly due to the clip itself and also by the realization that this is very real and could one day happen to me.

To anyone else on this list i haven't read yet, a hardy "right fucking on" to you as well!

@25- Ding ding ding. We have a winner.

Dan- Grey's Anatomy, a show with beautiful doctors in steamy relationships in the hospital can't be faulted for going a little overboard. Subtlety is not the writers', nor the audience's wishes.

I don't know what it takes to please you sometimes. I don't think you would give some everyday kiss when generally you never get to be with each other at all, and any second of intimacy counts for a lot more than it does for typical people. It's a good thing they got that kiss in when they did.

@50: Wow. Super sensitive. Please read 47 and think carefully about what it might mean.

dan, I think you didn't get the meaning of that kiss. This two weren't a couple who saw each other everyday and it wasn't a goodbye kiss or anything of the sort. From the looks of it their story was pretty tragic and they hadn't seen each other in a while; not only that, but the sick one seemed to be living in a pretty opressed realm. The kiss was spontaneous and intense, yes, because he was finally letting go of his feelings and letting himself go, be free, sharing what he really felt.

I thought the actors got it just right, looking at the backdrop that kiss was simply spot-on.

It's Grey's Anatomy, ER for 2008. It's all about sex even when two gay soldiers aren't sucking face onscreen.

I mean...there's only a certain amount of depth in the all-the-docters-are-georgious medical type scene. A while ago a pregnant girl who'd been impaled during a car accident was hitting on the doctor as he pulled shards of glass out of her shoulder.

If we're gonna start questioning the realism and ER-style medical dramas here, I'm not sure that the level of passion in a steamy gay kiss is really the place to start.

Brothers and Sisters had a much better marriage kiss between their men.