(Credit)

French Laundry at Home, a hilarious (yes, hilarious) food blog you should check out—now!—if you haven’t already, on cooking tripe:

You know when you walk into a nursing home for the first time, and there’s a distinct, rather unpleasant smell? Or, when you drive past a sewage treatment plant or paper mill? Or the airplane bathroom on a Southwest Airlines flight? Or a hospital’s burn unit?

Those are all preferable smells compared to cooked tripe.

People, this smell was worse than morning breath and dirty hair after you’ve have the flu for three days and haven’t brushed your teeth or showered at all.

I strained the liquid into another saucepan, reduced it, added some cream, a little mustard, and some salt and pepper, as the book suggested. By this time, my corneas had evaporated from the stench and my eyebrows started to fall out.

This? Was disgusting. Absolutely, positively the worst thing I have ever eaten in my life.

I left my kitchen, cookbook in hand, and sat outside on the front porch to re-read the instructions to make sure I hadn’t missed a crucial step. I hadn’t. It was then that I saw the final sentence that wrapped up the instructions for the dish: “It’s terrific.”

It made me wonder how long it took Michael Ruhlman and Thomas Keller to come up with that sentence, because surely, it has to be some sort of inside joke or secret chef-to-chef code for a dish that is really awful but meant to be tried only in some sort of freakish dare. I imagine their exchange might have gone a little something like this:

Michael: So, we’ve described how to cook tripe, and we’ve included your story about the importance of cooking offal. Would you like to add something here at the end that describes what tripe tastes like?

Thomas: Yeah, sure. But in case someone, someday decides they want to cook every recipe in this book and maybe write about it, let’s not deter them in any way, so how about we say, “It’s absolutely fantastic!”

Michael: Thomas.

Thomas: Yes, Michael?

Michael: Fantastic. Really?

Thomas: Um, how about, “it doesn’t suck… oh no wait, IT DOES!”?

Michael: Or, “hope you’ve got your fumigator on speed dial”?

Thomas: Oh, I know! What if we say “it’s good” and you draw a picture of me doing air quotes around the word “good”?

Michael: *giggle*snort* Or, we could say it tastes like a word that rhymes with something else. Like “schmass”?

Thomas: Wait, wait, wait. I got it. Let’s say it tastes terrific. After all, Michael, you went to the CIA; you’ve been inducted into the Secret Chef Jargon That Pranks Home Cooks Club — you remember what “terrific” means, right?

Michael: Oh yes. Ha ha. But the regular reader won’t know that now will they? We are so smart. This will most certainly encourage a potential home cook perhaps from the Washington, DC region to try this dish in like, I dunno, ten years or so, because she thinks it will be really great.

Thomas: Well done, Ruhlman. Well done. Terrific it is.

Michael: MWWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

Thanks a lot, guys. Thanks a lot.