I vaguely remember mentioning something about a “Charlize Theron” person that is scheduled to be, as those of us “in the business” are fond of saying, “on the red carpet” at SIFF’s always uber-glam Opening Night (May 22nd! I’m already drunk!). And goodness knows that that’s just exciting as all hell. I also think I said something about Stuart Townsend’s abs, and about how he and/or they will be “red carpeting”, too. (OMG! Just LOOK at the boner that man gives me!) But what I don’t vaguely remember telling you, because I vaguely remember just finding out about it two fucking seconds ago myself, is that Michelle Rodriguez of, you know, “Lost” or whatever, will also be “on the red carpet” Opening Night. As it were. But of course, she’ll be ripped to the tits, and driving a car. Ba-dum-bum.

And now, this poor misguided letter:

Dear Adrian, I don’t live in Seattle anymore, but I read Celebrity I Saw U every week. I moved to Boston last year. But yesterday while I was working at the JFK Presidential Library, none other than Kate Hudson, Owen Wilson and Owen Wilson’s nose came strolling in! I was shocked. I sold them their admissions ticket, and they spent two hours in the museum. They didn’t say much because they were too busy being disgustingly cutesy with each other, concluding their tour with a lover’s game of tag in our pavilion. Gross! Who knew that suicide attempts actually do strengthen a relationship?

Anyway, I immediately thought of Celebrity I Saw U, since I love your column, and these are the only celebrities I’ve ever seen.

Love,
Aly

I am sure I speak for everyone when I say Thank you, Aly, for that remarkable glimpse into the secret and unnerving world of Hudson-Wilson love, for your weekly reading of Celebrity I Saw U, and for your creepy ability to read through time.