Film Why Pay Premium Cinema Prices…
posted by April 30 at 11:39 AMon
…when you can read hilariously thorough synopses of today’s top films for free at KidsinMind.com?
The site’s stated mission:
The purpose is to provide parents and other adults with objective and complete information about a film’s content so that they can decide, based on their own value system, whether they should watch a movie with or without their kids. We make no judgments about what is good or bad or anything else. We are not affiliated with any political party, any cultural or religious group, or any ideology. The only thing we advocate is responsible, engaged parenting.
It’s a perfectly noble goal, carried out with scientific precision, with every reviewed film dissected for Sex/Nudity, Violence/Gore, Profanity, and Substance Use. The resulting text makes for some good, weird reading, as every “adult” component of a film is spelled out plainly. (The voluminous cataloguing of Sex/Nudity in Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay ranges from “A man is shown masturbating under sheets (we see rhythmic movement and then see a spurt of semen hit his face)” to “A young man’s arm accidentally grazes a young woman’s clothed breast,” and “A man massages a woman’s ankle.”)
Best of all are the final messages presented for each film.
Tim Burton’s Sweeney Todd: “Revenge is not always the answer to pain. 19th century London was an awful place.”
The Rolling Stones concert film Shine a Light: “If you love what you do, you can achieve excellence and longevity. Music is about feeling and teamwork.”
Juno (in which “A young man is shown in running shorts in several scenes (bare legs to the thigh)”): “Love is hard work. Parents seem to assume that teenagers are not sexually active, when in reality they are.”
Jenna Jameson’s Zombie Strippers (whose vast Sex/Nudity roundup reads like porn written by a computer): “Zombies can do anything.”
Explore for yourself here. (And parents: Don’t let my camp appreciation of the site deter you from availing yourselves of its offerings, which really do lay out every single potentially objectionable detail for a given movie, from come-splattered faces to caressed ankles.)
Thanks to MetaFilter for the heads-up.