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Tuesday, April 1, 2008

They Sent It to Us: “Color Me Bible”

posted by on April 1 at 10:55 AM

Date: April 1, 2008 9:35:07 AM PDT
Subject: Kids’ Bible Arts Festival Offers Ranch Vacations

Dear Ms. Kiley,

I thought that readers of Stranger would be interested in learning how children can win dude ranch vacations for their families by answering and illustrating questions from the Gospel of John for an online book. Please let me know if I can answer any questions about the Children’s International Arts Festival.

All His best,
Carey Kinsolving


South Padre Island, Texas, April 1, 2008 — Year after year the Bible remains the best selling book in America, yet pollster George Gallup has dubbed Americans “a nation of biblical illiterates” who revere the Bible, but don’t read it.

Syndicated columnist Carey Kinsolving wants to change that.

Children all over the world can write and draw to win one of a dozen dude ranch vacations offered as prizes in the Children’s International Arts Festival. Kids ages 5-12 can enter by answering and illustrating Bible-related questions for an online book the festival organizer plans to publish.

The best children’s writing and art will be published in the “Kids Color Me Bible Gospel of John.” This online storybook Bible will be patterned after Kinsolving’s popular “Kids Color Me Bible.”


Each chapter features children’s writing and art. Children who print pages from the free, online book can add their writing and art making each chapter a personalized keepsake.

Children who wish to enter the festival can get their parents to download an entry form at


What do you say, “readers of Stranger”? Care to enter the contest and share your creations?

How about an illustration of Malachi 2:2? (“Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces.”)

Or II Kings 2:23? (“From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him: ‘Go on up, you baldhead!’ He turned around, looked at them, and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.”)

Or Ezekiel 23:19? (“Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.”)

Mail your very bestest Bible renderings to or:

Color Me Bible Contest
1535 11th Ave, Third Floor
Seattle, WA 98122

Maybe you’ll win a pony! Or something!

See more illustrated theology here. And remember…


RSS icon Comments


I would kill my own mother for a dude ranch vacation.

Posted by Postureduck | April 1, 2008 10:59 AM

PR 101, know the audience your press releases are going to. I almost feel sorry for Carey Kinsolving.

Did anyone else immediately think "light as a feather, stiff as a board" about the "arise" illustration? Or was it just me because I just finished watching the slumber party South Park episode.

Posted by PopTart | April 1, 2008 11:05 AM

Jesus and the Lepers is gonna be my next band's name, yo.

Posted by orangekrush | April 1, 2008 11:07 AM

now all these hipster assholes are going to send snide anti-relegion cartoons and pornography thinking there being "cool" and "edgy"
these are cute, let the little kids have there cute fun

Posted by linus | April 1, 2008 11:18 AM

The comic sans is classy.

Posted by Jason Petersen | April 1, 2008 11:20 AM

OK, linus, but I still think we should enter. If we win, we can take our guns down there and teach the kids how to shoot. No good Christian should have a problem with that, right?

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | April 1, 2008 11:23 AM

Yeah, kids will see you flashing your gun around and think you're a hero instead of a desperate loser.

Posted by elenchos | April 1, 2008 11:29 AM

To be fair, elenchos, I first learned how to shoot a gun at a Christian camp in 5th grade.

Posted by Hernandez | April 1, 2008 11:31 AM

Jesus and the Chickenpox.

Posted by kid icarus | April 1, 2008 11:32 AM

This a future "Youth Pastor Watch" post in the making.

Posted by inkweary | April 1, 2008 11:36 AM

Eh, what's a little casual blasphemy between friends?

Posted by Greg | April 1, 2008 11:37 AM

I have my issues with religion in general...but I dont see it as an excuse to crash and soil a family event....unless you were actualy sincere about teaching gun safety

Posted by linus | April 1, 2008 11:43 AM

NRA-certified instructor here, and serious as a heart attack.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | April 1, 2008 11:54 AM

So Jesus is just Fred Flintstone with a beard?

Posted by Giffy | April 1, 2008 11:55 AM

I think this is actually a pretty great idea. In my experience, there seems to be a pretty strong correlation between not reading the Bible and fundamentalism. The more of it you read, the harder it is to take it literally.

But of course most of the adults who encourage kids to participate are going to tell them what bits to read and what to draw...

Posted by Morgan | April 1, 2008 12:04 PM

@15 or seriously.

Posted by Giffy | April 1, 2008 12:08 PM

I may have misinterpreted what Brendan was suggesting, but I thought he was saying send your entries to the Stranger, not to the crazy PR man. The kids can still have their fun and win their free trip to a dude ranch (aka free labor for ranchers) and the hipster assholes can have their fun too.

Posted by PopTart | April 1, 2008 12:08 PM

I think the kids should take requests. Submit your favorite passages for them to illustrate, like.

"The people of Samaria must bear the consequences of their guilt because they rebelled against their God. They will be killed by an invading army, their little ones dashed to death against the ground, their pregnant women ripped open by swords." (Hosea 13:16 NLT)

Posted by NapoleonXIV | April 1, 2008 12:12 PM

@16 - Very true. A lot of the stuff Jesus has to say is pretty great, but most of the things people kill over are really silly.

Posted by Morgan | April 1, 2008 12:18 PM

Wow. Jesus and the Lepers is a great drawing. I love it.

They WOULD pick the Book of John, though. That's the crazy one.

Posted by STJA | April 1, 2008 12:26 PM

you heathens are all going to hell.

Posted by Mike in MO | April 1, 2008 12:31 PM

This heathen is going to go listen to his Color me Barbara album in protest.

Posted by Boomer in NYC | April 1, 2008 1:09 PM

Who the fuck wants to go to South Padre Island? It's not worth the waste of a perfectly good burnt orange crayon.

Posted by Spoogie | April 1, 2008 1:19 PM

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