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Thursday, April 3, 2008

Story of the Day

posted by on April 3 at 10:17 AM

Courtesy of NBC10 out of Philadelphia:

Police said an Ohio man has been arrested for allegedly having sex with a picnic table.

Now that’s a goddamn lede!

Police arrested Arthur Price Jr. after an anonymous tipster dropped off three DVDs that reportedly showed Price in the act.

Three DVD’s? Just how many times has this Price guy violated a picnic table?

According to NBC Toledo, Ohio, affiliate WNWO-TV, the videos show Price tilting the metal round picnic table on its side and then laying up against it to have sexual intercourse with the table.

Wait…what? How the hell did that work?

Afterward, he can then be seen cleaning the table and the deck.

Well at least he’s a courteous perv.

During questioning, he reportedly admitted to having sex with the table. Police said he also admitted to bringing the table inside his home for sex.

Sexy, sexy picnic table…


(Via The Agitator.)

RSS icon Comments


that isn't a sexy picnic table as it has no hole for the umbrella. Where is a guy supposed to stick his dick?

Posted by Mike in MO | April 3, 2008 10:36 AM

There's no denying it--that's an irresistibly fuckable picnic table.

Still, keep that shit indoors.

Posted by David Schmader | April 3, 2008 10:36 AM

I'm guessing this was all on his property, so fuck it, let him do what he wants.

Posted by nbc | April 3, 2008 10:39 AM

Since when is furniture sex illegal? Is it a consent issue or something?

Posted by Hernandez | April 3, 2008 10:42 AM

I guess it wouldn't have been as funny if you used an image of the type of table that was described in the article instead of the classic type of picnic table.

Posted by stinkbug | April 3, 2008 10:43 AM

First it was the bicycle guy. Now the picnic table guy. What's next, lawnmower guy?

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | April 3, 2008 10:43 AM

is it really sex, or just gettin off? and how can any of this be illegal?

Posted by superyeadon | April 3, 2008 10:46 AM

Was it his picnic table? Then let him fuck it, I say.

Posted by Miles | April 3, 2008 10:47 AM


(Insert splinter joke here)

Posted by ZWBush | April 3, 2008 10:48 AM

Sex with picnic tables doesn't lead to disease or unwanted children. Splinters, however, can be an issue.

Posted by J.R. | April 3, 2008 10:50 AM

I think the article I read yesterday said that it did have a hole in it. I don't know if it was for an umbrella, or something the guy put there to help facilitate his...uh...needs.

@4 - I believe he was charged with indecent exposure or something along those lines; not charged for the actual act of fucking the table.

Posted by DanFan | April 3, 2008 10:51 AM

Dang, you beat me by a minute on that one.

Posted by J.R. | April 3, 2008 10:51 AM

Yes, but was it a male or female picnic table?

Posted by Will in Seattle | April 3, 2008 10:55 AM

stinkbug: Nice catch. I've changed the pic to better reflect the sexy table in question.

Posted by Bradley Steinbacher | April 3, 2008 10:55 AM

The article I read said that he was being charged with four counts of public indecency, but as of yesterday, the authorities have dropped the charges since the evidence (aka: the neighbor's videos) didn't support a Felony case.

Posted by MiddKid | April 3, 2008 10:59 AM

Gives new meaning to "getting a woody".

Posted by Paul In SF | April 3, 2008 11:00 AM

You know, if they hung the picnic table on the wall and called it art ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | April 3, 2008 11:09 AM

Well, he has the picnic table, now he just needs one of these, designed specifically to handle "long meat".

Posted by Paul In SF | April 3, 2008 11:12 AM

great, now you got me all hot and bothered with that newer photo.

Posted by stinkbug | April 3, 2008 11:17 AM

Preserve table-consent! Arrest the bastard! :P

Posted by SDizzle | April 3, 2008 11:26 AM

NSFW! That picture of the table is just too revealing.

Posted by matching pants | April 3, 2008 11:43 AM

Ohio is a boring boring state. A man has a lot of time to sit and think.

Posted by Peter F | April 3, 2008 11:57 AM

they should charge the neighbor with some sort of peeping charge.

Posted by superyeadon | April 3, 2008 11:59 AM

@23 - let's just hope the perv neighbor isn't selling vids of it on the Internet ... lots of people trying to get wood there.

Posted by Will in Seattle | April 3, 2008 12:12 PM

For the record, the citizens of the town in Ohio had a problem with the fact that he lived 50 feet away from an elementary school, where kids could have a clear view of the table-sex. The story, as reported, wasn't focused on any problem with table-fucking, but rather table-fucking in front of children.

Posted by Stolia | April 3, 2008 1:22 PM
Posted by Stolia | April 3, 2008 1:27 PM

A couple of points ....

He was outdoors -- during the daytime -- in view of an elementary school. He also has three children that attend that elementary school (poor kids - they're going to get picked on).

Me - I like my vibrator - but I'm not going to go using it on the playground.

Posted by Mary | April 3, 2008 2:18 PM

That's a fine-lookin' table you got there. I could get along real well with that one. Oh, yes, I could.

Posted by Fnarf | April 3, 2008 3:23 PM

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