Life Rough Week
posted by April 7 at 7:25 AM
onBefore I jump back into Slogging I wanted to thank everyone who sent condolence notes. It’s been a rough seven days, to say the least, and the emails have truly been a comfort.
I also wanted to share this picture. It was taken in the living room of the apartment on Glenwood Avenue in Chicago where I grew up—the same apartment, as I wrote in The Commitment, where my mother and grandmother grew up. I’ve always loved how everyone in the picture is fully lit—my dad, my mom, my brothers, my sister. Everyone except for me. I’m the boy on the right, just behind my mother’s shoulder, the kid with the biggest mouth (although my blond brother Eddie is a close second). And I’m literally standing in my mother’s shadow.
I’ve been looking at this picture a lot this week, and not just for the heavy-handed, pink-tinted symbolism of it all (the gay son is in his mother’s shadow—what were the odds?). It’s just that after watching the light go out of my mother’s eyes last Monday morning I really needed to spend some with pictures taken of mom when her light was still blazing. And this is one of my favorites.
Anyway, I’m back—well, to intermittent blogging, at least. Then it’s off to Chicago and back to Glenwood Avenue for a wake at one end of the block (Maloney’s Funeral Home) and a funeral at the other (St. Ignatius). Mom asked us to scatter some of her ashes in the alley behind our old apartment building, the alley that was our playground when we were kids. Me and my siblings are going to do that for her—and then we’re going to go out and get lit, fully lit, all four us this time.
Comments
condolences
It's rough losing a parent. My Dad died three years ago, and yes, I was there by his side at the time. My Mom is still with us at age 83, and I know her day is coming too, but enjoy having her around that much more knowing that it can't last forever. You have been in my thoughts many times over the past week, and have my deepest condolences.
You're in our thoughts Dano!
my sincere condolences. it has been a rough year for moms. my grandmother died this year and two of my dear friends' moms also died. it is a huge shift in the time-space continuum. take care.
You have a beautiful family. Thanks for all you have done and are doing to advance a positive public opinion of gays, by showing a diversity of thought.
My condolences to you and your family.
My condolences, Dan.
Dan, sorry to hear of your mom's passing. I think no matter how old we get the loss of a parent is very difficult.
So sorry to read the news about your mother, Dan. You've painted a picture of her for your readers over the years in your column and your books that does her proud -- it sure sounds like she thought the world of you and that the feeling was mutual. Your loss is everyone's loss.
Wow, what a great picture. Judging from your books and this blog, your mother sounds like an amazing person. I'm very sorry to hear of her passing. The sincerest condolences to you and your family.
I'm so sorry.
Lost my own mother in 2001, and the world was never the same after--like the vibration of the universe changed. Maybe once our direct biological link to the world is gone, things do change.
But how nice she lives on in your work.
Be well, Dan, and heal.
My sincere condolences. Thank you for your At A Loss column. It was very touching.
Sorry to hear that Dan. Keep your head up. As a Rogers Park resident I'm sad to see a neighbor go. Best to you and your family.
Is there a charity we can direct donations to in your mother's name? Perhaps flowers?
This photo is fantastic on so many levels, Dan. You're fortunate to have so many wonderful memories. Your mom was such a great presence during summers in MI. So many people will miss her.
What a cutie pie! Thinking about you, Dan...
Sorry for your loss, Dan. Take care.
I wish good moms and dads could live forever.
As @12 says, you keep the most important part of her alive by being you. And doing your best for your kid. I'm looking across my office here in Hamburg at a similar family portrait, but we're all a bit older than in your photo above. Both parents have been gone for years, and I still deeply miss them.
My condolences.
Very sorry to hear about your loss. Condolences to you and your family.
Welcome back to Slog, Dan... weeks like the one you've had are rough on the body, the mind, and the soul and I hope you're taking good care of yourself. Indulge your inner five year old!! Losing a parent is a heart-wrenchingly awful thing to have to experience.
My deepest sympathy Dan. The boyfriend and I are keeping your family in our thoughts.
Dan,
We love you. Take your time coming back. We'll miss you, but we can survive without you for a few days....
That's a great photo. As a grieiving person myself, I will just say that time takes care of what the heart can't. I'm glad you're taking the time to feel what you need to feel and honor your mother. Take good care.
My deepest condolences Dan
Cool picture. It looks like the photographer, or someone off to the side said something to make you and your brother laugh a little.
thanks for sharing
Brian
Oh, yeah, and your Savage Love column brought tears to my eyes...
@ 14: in Dan's latest Savage Love, he requests donations be sent to PFLAG.
i find it humorous that your dad was the only one looking at the camera.
Sincerest condolences Dan. Our thoughts are with you and your family.
Condolences to you and your family, Dan. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Hey Dan. You and I are going through the same thing. My mom passed away 3 days ago. Her funeral is Friday. Even though we knew the time was coming (she's had Alzheimer's for 4 years) it's still painful. I'm trying to concentrate on the good memories of her.
My partner and I enjoy your podcast.
Greg
My condolences, Dan. Good luck.
I'm so sorry.
Dan, I think we all feel like we've lost a Mom because you always painted a wonderful picture of a great woman. Let me know where you're all drinking Friday evening and I'll buy y'all a round.
Whenever I look at similar photos of my own family I am stunned to see how impossibly young my (now deceased) parents were.
My deepest condolences.
/power hug.
Sincerest condolences to you and the rest of your family Dan. From what you've shared over the years I know the earth will miss her.
My condolences. I'd always smile whenever you mentioned her in the podcast or the column - she seemed like a great mom and a great person.
Dan - very sorry for your loss. Your mother is beautiful.
My condolences to you and your family.
That's a beautiful photo to remember her by.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. My condolences to your family.
Your column last week was a great tribute to an obviously wonderful woman. Your work and words carry on her spirit.
Dan, your "At a Loss" column was incredibly moving. Your mother sounds like a woman who was full of compassion and grace. My condolences to you and your family.
I actually gasped out loud when I read the news in your column. I am so sorry for your loss. From the stories you've told about her, I'm sure your mom was a terrific woman. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers (cliche, but true).
Hugs to you & the family Dan. We all feel a part of your extended family. That pic of you & the family almost made me cry.
My condolences. take care.
Your tribute to your mom was beautiful. You were proud of her, and she was proud of you.
You did good.
Welcome back, Dan. I'm so sorry for your loss. That picture makes me miss home. I remember the family portraits my Mom used to have us do. She always put my brother and I in matching one piece outfits. I like your outfit better.
Dan, I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't slog all the time anymore so this is the first I heard. My sincere condolences.
That sucks, Dan. Through your books and columns, you painted a great picture of your mom, and I honestly cried when I read your column. Take all the time you need to grieve properly. My thoughts are with you and your family.
RIP.
I never know what to say in times like these =/.
Dan, I am so sorry. I feel I knew your Mom through your books and other writing. She was an amazing woman. Love to you, Terry and DJ.
i'm so sorry to hear this. as a gay man, i can't imagine a bigger loss than that of a mother.
As with #54, I also "knew" your mom through your writing, and I cried from reading your last column. My own parents are emotionally distant from my brother and me - I wish I had half as much of a relationship with either of them as you had with your mom. My condolences.
Your Mom has left us a wonderful gift in you Dan! She was obviously a great mom and woman.
IF my children love and honor me as much as you have your mom I will be happy forever.
Big hugs and lots of love
Mary Jo Hansen
My deepest condolences, Dan... Your column last week was extraordinarily moving -- thank you for writing it. And thank you, too, for sharing this wonderful picture of you and your family. Your mom totally looks like Tina Fey in this pic!!
Thank you for letting us get to know her. God Bless.
My condolences, Dan.
Prayers for you and your family at this difficult time.
I know how hard it is to lose a parent, but just remember that they loved you.
Take care Dan,
Ecce Homo
St. Ignatius is where my sister got married. Did you know the Collerans I wonder.
A real unselfish love,
I found in my mother's eyes.
My sympathies to you and your family.
Is one ever really ready to lose a parent? Does one ever really acknowledge that they're gone? All I can say from my own experience is "maybe sometime, but not yet." But the keenness of the grief will gradually dull, Dan. My condolences to you.
My thoughts and care to you and all your family; your mom was a great lady.
I'll add my condolences to the long list here, but I also just want to point out for the record, this may be the ONLY Slog column in history in which not a single snide, snarky or pointless comment appears.
And I think your mom would have been comforted by that - she always seemed like a classy lady, and the heartfelt, compassionate responses contained herein reflect, I hope, our admiration and respect for her, and our sadness at her passing.
Condolences to you and your family Dan.
Late to the post. =/
My deepest condolences go out to you and your family, Dan. Through your work, you've painted a picture of a beautiful woman, inside, and apparently outside, too. I'll keep your whole family in my prayers!
:( I'm really sorry Dan. I hope that very soon you can only remember the good, not the bad.
Condolences. I feel like I know your mother after reading about her for many years--a truly wonderful woman, from the sounds of it. I also worked with your brother for a time and I am confident you will have a good group to get lit with.
My condolences for your loss. Thinking of you.
Oh Dan, your mother is so pretty! And she clearly loved you so much. You were one of the lucky ones. Take care.
Hearts.
Just wanted to say condolences all the way from New Zealand. Your books painted a wonderful human picture of your mother and the world is definitely a lesser place without her.
I lost my Mother two weeks ago. My thoughts are with you I know how you feel I see it in your writting.
Welcome back home to Chicago, the whole city feels your loss and wishes you the best.
Dan, my deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family. I've been where you are and it hurts like hell. I know it's hard to believe now, but it does get better. You will reach a point where your every thought of your mother makes you smile and you will be happy just to know how blessed she made your life. You will miss her every day but it reaches a point of being poignant and not painful. Hugs to you.
Deepest condolences to you and your whole family, Dan.
My grandfather died three years ago in August. The first line of the (rather insipid) poem on his card was "I'd like the memory of me to be a happy one." That's what he would have wanted, I know it, and so would your mother. I have several cards, one I keep at home, the other is in my wallet. As cliche as it sounds, it makes me feel like he's always with me. She's still here, she lives on in you and your siblings. She was a truly great woman. I wish I had known her. Drink to her on Friday, and be well, Dan, for yourself and your family.
Dan, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. I hope you are feeling somewhat better.
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