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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Noah’s Junk

posted by on April 15 at 8:54 AM

A friend traveling in Europe writes…

The next time some moron brings up the prohibitions against homosexuality in the bible, remind them that Noah’s daughters got him drunk and had sex with him to repopulate the earth after the flood.

While visiting Yorkminster cathedral in England my friend found this explicit depiction of that drunken girl-girl-dad threeway incest scene…

NoahsJunk.jpg

Says my friend….

This was one drawing among a very large number, but the mate managed to pick it off and started giggling at it, so I had to come look. Notice Noah’s penis is hanging out. And I love how embarrassed the daughter to the right looks.

Yes, I think we can all agree that the anonymous artist behind this devotional picture really captured that “I can’t believe I just fucked my dad!” look. It’s a medieval “doh!”

UPDATE: Well, doh. As has been pointed out in the comments, it wasn’t Noah that was raped by his daughters, it was Lot. Please disregard the substance of this post. Just enjoy the medieval junk. You’d think I would know better, having spent the weekend soaking up the ambience in a a big, ol’ Catholic church in Chicago. My apologies.

RSS icon Comments

1

Thanks, Dan, for equating homosexuality with incest. Way to score one for the team.

Posted by Yano Mecantes | April 15, 2008 9:02 AM
2

Not every single character in the Old Testament is supposed to be a role model. It's disingenuous to pretend that anyone thinks otherwise.

Posted by elenchos | April 15, 2008 9:03 AM
3

Um, Dan, that good Catholic upbringing you had apparently has been all but completely abandoned.

It was Lot who had the booty call with his daughters, right after his wife was turned into a pillar of salt for looking back at the destruction of Sodom, not Noah, who carried quite an entourage of humans along with the two-by-twosies animals on the ark, including his wife, three sons, and their wives. In fact, there's no record in the Old Testament story of Noah (Genesis Chaps 6 - 9) even having daughters, and certainly no reference to him having sex with them

Posted by COMTE | April 15, 2008 9:10 AM
4

Noah’s daughters got him drunk and had sex with him?? haha~~~ have you seen the gothic pics about this topic on gothicloving.com which is a dating site for goth. that's really funny.

Posted by tod | April 15, 2008 9:10 AM
5

It was Lot who has sex with his daughters not Noah!
Noah was just seen naked and it was a disgrace.

Posted by mj | April 15, 2008 9:11 AM
6

More to the point, the image in question refers to Noah being found drunk and naked in his tent by one of his sones after the ark had again reached dry land. The three siblings then entered the tent, their eyes averted, and threw a robe over him. When he awoke, seeing what they had done, he inexplicably cursed as-yet unconceived child of his son Ham (Canaan - father of the Canaanites).

Geez, I only went ONE YEAR of parochial school, and I still remember this stuff!

Posted by COMTE | April 15, 2008 9:16 AM
7

Noah did not have daughters. Noah had three sons, they had wives. I think your friend was thinking of Lot and his 2 daughters that got him drunk. What DID happen is Noah got drunk and one of his 3 sons was said to have "seen" his nakedness (son with Dad sex) and hence that son was cursed (Some think it refers to the cursing of Black race because that son 'Ham' was said to be the father of those that settled in Africa).

Posted by Sargon Bighorn | April 15, 2008 9:19 AM
8

It's like you guys are arguing over whether or not Sleeping Beauty lost her shoe or was poisoned.

Posted by monkey | April 15, 2008 9:27 AM
9

Cut Dan some slack, good Catholic boys (and girls) were never really encouraged to study or even read the Old Testament for themselves. If we wanted outrageous fantasy stories we were given "The Lives of the Saints" and we left the Bible stories to the priests.

In fact, Old Testament stories always seemed kind of jewy or backwoodsy moonshine preacherish when I was growing up Catholic. We didn't concentrate on the Old Testament that much: just guilt.

Posted by AmyK | April 15, 2008 9:28 AM
10

Whatever. Even if you don't know your Bible, "I can't believe I just fucked my dad: the medieval 'doh'" is the funniest thing I will read today.

Posted by poop | April 15, 2008 9:36 AM
11

@2 Lot and Noah are both role models in the Bible. They are both refered as such.

Posted by Sirkowski | April 15, 2008 9:46 AM
12

@11

No kidding? Where?

Posted by elenchos | April 15, 2008 9:50 AM
13

Those aren't daughters, those are sons. Ham walked into drunk old Noah's tent and buggered his butt. The fundies will tell you Noah wasn't buggered in the butt in hot Hop on Pop action, but they are hypocrites avoiding their devotion to literalism when they do. The Bible uses a euphemism "saw his father's nakedness" and in every other Biblical occurrence of the "see someone's nakedness" phrase in a male/female context it means they boinked. Why does this mean something different for Noah?

Posted by StC | April 15, 2008 9:50 AM
14

Geeze Dan,
You mean you don't know the Bible backwards and forwards? Guess what? Most big mouth Christians have no idea what the Bible says!
Don't feel too bad that you confused Noah and Lot.
I have pretty good handle on what the Bible says and I confuse things all the time.

Posted by mj | April 15, 2008 10:08 AM
15

Call me naive but I can't really make out what in this picture is supposed to be Noah's genitalia. Is it that detail on the bottom wrapped up in the French flag?

Posted by saxfanatic | April 15, 2008 10:09 AM
16

Looks like Noah needs that scrotal tuck operation that Robert Redford just had.

Posted by Fnarf | April 15, 2008 10:21 AM
17

maybe that's what it means, but i don't think so. uh, i couldn't find other examples of "saw nakedness" in the bible at all, let alone to refer to sex. "saw" or "ra°ah" is both literal and figurative. it can mean to literally experience, or to figuratively imply shame. the same hebrew words for both "nakedness" and "saw" are used when the sons/brothers cover lot, they walked in backwards so they would not see their father's nakedness.

Posted by infrequent | April 15, 2008 10:21 AM
18

Really, infrequent? There sure is a lot of nakedness uncovering going on in Leviticus 18.

http://www.blueletterbible.org/kjv/Lev/Lev018.html

And I'm not talking about scholarship, I'm talking about Biblical Literalists - American style Christian fundamentalism that loves the KJV, and fundies say it says what it says and contains all you need to know. They deny the Bible is ever inconsistent. If that is so, then Ham buggered Noah.

Posted by StC | April 15, 2008 10:43 AM
19

there was instance of incest after the flood, maybe it was Lot and his sisters. But there might have been something even weirder. Funny enough, THEY went on to populate some other civilizations that the Jews weren't on good terms with.

Posted by OR Matt | April 15, 2008 12:06 PM
20

monkey@8: hee!

Posted by pox | April 15, 2008 1:11 PM
21

stc - i was looking specifically at the concept of a figurative "saw" in conjunction with "nakedness", as you mentioned in your previous post. uncover is not the same word as saw. lev 18 is pretty clear when it takes about sex, though, as you see in the latter half of the chapter. i could look more into it later, but i think you kind of have to stretch the lot story to make it figurative to anal-sex. whereas looking at at someone's shame would be consistent.

Posted by infrequent | April 15, 2008 1:44 PM
22

Okay, for those of you who can't see Noah's pee-pee, here's a helpful hint: Noah is wearing a pair of weird-looking shorts, with the left shorts leg being black and the right shorts leg being red and his knees are spread apart, left knee up high, right knee down low 'coz he's kind of on his side, displaying his crotch to the viewer. Where those two meet, in the crotch-y area, is the man's weinie. It's sticking out over the blue fabric.

Posted by seattle mike | April 15, 2008 1:59 PM
23

@22: Okay, got it, thanks. I suppose I expected that the grandfather of several nations would be, well, more substantial.

But really, where in the bible does it say that Noah wore split-open cycling shorts?

Posted by saxfanatic | April 15, 2008 7:51 PM
24

It's York Minister or York Cathedral, not Yorkminister Cathedral - the stained glass windows there are fab, and in the process of being restored.

Posted by miriam | April 16, 2008 1:24 AM
25

Since men wrote the Bible I suspect it was really a drunken Lot that raped his daughters, and then disremembered it the next morning.

The Bible doesn't take kindly to women being raped - if they don't scream they may be stoned.
Deuteronomy 22:23-24

Posted by Miss Poppy Dixon | April 17, 2008 5:30 AM

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