This has gotta be one of the most embarrasing video game reviews I've ever read. Have you even seen any of these games?, cause its obvious you haven't played em.
Re: your first two paragaphs
You say all that like it's a bad thing.
hey sam (and sloggers),
i'm a gamer's girlfriend, not much of a gamer myself. but i LOVED Portal. any ideas about other good, wickedly simple non-FPS games for 360?
I hate DS games that require holding the system "like a book." I feel like it gives my stylus hand carpal tunnel.
The 360 doesn't predominantly cater to what you're asking for, sadly. That is, until you peruse its Xbox Live Marketplace, where you can try demo versions of a bunch of games that may fit your bill. Suggestions:
* Puzzle Quest (Bejeweled as an RPG)
* Rez (a trippy rhythm-shooter)
* N+ (a super-simple, physics-loaded side-scroller... if Mario was redone by the Slashdot crowd)
* Alien Hominid (cartoony shoot-em-up)
* Bomberman Live (simple, bomb-filled multiplayer)
Also, my girlfriend swears by Viva Pinata, and there's a surprisingly deep demo of it on Xbox Live as well. Same goes for Virtua Tennis 3. Lemme know if you need help digging through any/all of the demos in the Marketplace thingie, but really, it can be fun to get lost in the insane pool of Xbox demos. Lots to play for free there.
I agree that DMC is a button mashing fashion frenzy, but GOW series has such an amazing story line, thus negating a simple slash plot.
God of War is insanely amazing. I just bought a PS3 and one of the driving factors was GOW3. Sure, it's arrogant, horny and violent, but it's SO MUCH MORE.
You neglected to mention that Alien Hominid is hard as fuck-all.
I'll join in the God of War FANBOY ORGY and confirm that Chains of Olympus completely justifies the purchase of a PSP.
Make that FANBOY and FANGIRL ORGY, please.
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