Chow Candy Should Not Be Mean
posted by April 14 at 12:42 PMon
“Jellybeans! Yum! Yes, I would like one, thank you. Which kind? Oh, Buttered Popcorn is my favorite. What the fuck!? [gagging, spitting noises] This isn’t buttered popcorn, this tastes like fucking rotten egg!? You sick fuck!”
One box, 10 colors, 20 flavors. Half taste delicious—Cafe Latte, Pear, Carmel Corn, etc. Their evil twins, though, taste like shit. Or pencil shavings. Or ear wax. And the only way to know which is which is to taste them.
It’s a dare, you see? Jelly Belly is daring you to eat the jelly beans that may or may not make you want to die.
That’s just fucking mean. They’re selling them at the QFC on Broadway and Pike if you’re looking to ruin someone’s day.
And yeah, the vomit really does taste like vomit. It’s fucking disgusting.