I have two hours, but you have...an enormous penis!!!

Are you judging by committee? Ayn really is rolling over in her grave.

But it isn't actually mine.

Somebody created it, and apparently gave it to someone else, who apparently didn't want it or no longer does.

So it doesn't rightfully belong to anyone.

Your question seems intent on persuading people to make unsupportable arguments, however.

Since I actually like Ayn Rand (and whatever value it's accrued through collecting stray bits of karma or aura or whatever it is the stranger staffers exude) and can correctly identify the false nature of this essay competition, I might actually ENJOY it more than many, however this gives me no greater claim to it than your enormous penis up there.

Since you posted this and I would like to have it, however, I'll throw my name in and perhaps it will come up when you exercise whatever arbitrary decision process is actually involved in judging these essays, since any that meet it's actual criterion will be, by nature, false.

Good luck to the rest of you with your fake essays. Unless you're planning on voting for McCain or helping Hillary steal the nomination. :P

And even after reading the instructions, it's stupid.

This work of art is mine because I donate money to the Fremont Arts Council. It is mine because I am a selfish b....rd who wants to burn it for my own personal gratification. It is mine because I will burn it for the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which will infuriate the person that it is a drawing of, except they are not the rightful owner because not only is said person dead, said person is a hypocritical bitch who betrayed her own "teachings".

And it is especially mine because burning it is not just right and just, it will piss off morons who read and believe the tripe in her books.

I am not John Galt, because I'm not stupid. But, having faced down another SLOGger in person tonight, I deserve it more than anyone else.

Can I get it if I promise to throw it down an airshaft because it's too beautiful to share with humanity?

Or how about if I take it with me to a secret island and go on strike against society?

Well, here's my essay:

Ever since man first created fire, and looked around at his fellow humans, he realized that a certain percentage of them were greedy assholes.

However, it wasn't until a romance novelist with unresolved communism issues wrote a book about a woman who enjoyed getting raped that they realized they could organize into something that would make them feel good about their assholism.

That's why Me, I, and Myself deserve that picture: Because to say "I love you" you have to know who "I" is. Or love "I" more than "you"

Or something like that.

increase not only the nominal, but the real profit, the real attention, never fails to supply in the proper quantity. They