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Friday, March 28, 2008

Where’s That Nail Gun When You Need It?

posted by on March 28 at 13:22 PM

A 70-year-old woman’s dog was killed by a pitbull in Inver Grove Heights. Margaret Johnston was walking her miniature Schnauzer along with her 2-year-old grandson when the white pit bull mix came up from behind them and attacked her dog.

The Schnauzer was killed in the attack and once the pit bull was separated from the Schnauzer, it went after Johnston. Johnston got bitten and her and the pit bull rolled down a hill. Johnston was able to punch the dog several times and the dog ran away.

RSS icon Comments

1

Obviously, we need more pitbulls. Remember, if we outlaw pitbulls, only outlaws will have pitbulls.

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 28, 2008 1:28 PM
2

Thank God for pitbulls, I say!

Now that ice floes are becoming scarcer, something needs to help cull the herd.

And what better way to reduce our carbon footprints (feetprint?) than by siccing pitbulls on the elderly and infirm?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | March 28, 2008 1:34 PM
3

Should pit bulls be banned? Yes. Should pit bull owners be banned? Yes.

Posted by Dave Coffman | March 28, 2008 1:40 PM
4

"..her and the pit bull rolled down a hill...

She! She! SHE and the pit bull rolled down a hill!! Aarrgghhh!!!


And yeah, until every pit bull breeder strives to produce calm, unagressive, trainable animals, fuck pit bulls.


Posted by merry | March 28, 2008 1:42 PM
5

I think it would be funny to strangle a baby pit bull with my hands. Maybe rip it's throat out with my teeth. I dunno. Anything terrible would still be hilarious.

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 28, 2008 1:51 PM
6

"unaggressive"

Duh me. See what snow does to a person?

:-p


Posted by merry | March 28, 2008 1:52 PM
7

Now, if you could train a pitbull how to operate a nailgun....

how cool would that be?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | March 28, 2008 2:03 PM
8

@4 Beat me to it.

Maybe pit bulls could be trained only to bite PROFESSIONAL WRITERS who don't know the difference between a subject and an object of a sentence.

I don't care if people are just talkin' and mess it up, but if it's going to be published, proofread!

Okay, I feel better.

Posted by j4zz3rgrl | March 28, 2008 2:07 PM
9

I agree with Schmader's comment in Last Days for Jan 31st about wishing for water-soluble pit bulls. Perhaps we could set our genetic engineers on that problem.

Posted by treacle | March 28, 2008 2:09 PM
10

Ok, I'm not sure I understand here. Are all of you actually complaining that there is one less miniature Schnauzer in the world?

Posted by Citizen Gregg | March 28, 2008 2:25 PM
11

@4 Beat me to it, but there's more:

"Johnston got bitten and her and the pit bull rolled down a hill."

"GOT" bitten? What's wrong with "was?"
Error correction:
"Johnson was bitten and she and the pit bull rolled down a hill."
But if we are fixing things, how about losing the passive:
"The pit bull bit Johnson and the two of them rolled down a hill."

Posted by A | March 28, 2008 3:05 PM
12

I like imagining Dan Savage shaking with fear and crossing the street every time he sees someone walking a Pitbull. It's good we have a dog on the street to keep the peckerwood NIMBYs in line.

Posted by Jay | March 28, 2008 3:31 PM
13

@7 - that would be sweet.

Remember, only you can prevent ice floes melting, by training pit bulls to operate automatic nail guns.

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 28, 2008 3:32 PM
14

Omigod, check out Sven the weather man on that news site.

A pit bull attack is preferable to grammar that bad.

Posted by Simac | March 28, 2008 3:32 PM
15

And yeah, until every human breeder strives to produce calm, unagressive, trainable babies, fuck humans.

Posted by silly | March 28, 2008 3:33 PM
16

@11 - aw, warm grammar fuzzies.

@15 - babies don't have teeth, dude. What, are they going to gum you to death?

Posted by j4zz3rgrl | March 28, 2008 3:48 PM
17

@16 - only the baby seals.

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 28, 2008 5:03 PM
18

#16 missed the point of #15.

Posted by Addy | March 28, 2008 6:30 PM

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