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Thursday, March 27, 2008

Urban Dictionary Has Failed Me

posted by on March 27 at 10:59 AM

I occasionally check in with Waiter Rant, because I’m fascinated with food service stories from the servers’ side of things. But yesterday’s posting has confused the hell out of me. Here’s the pertinent excerpt:

“Ha!” Chimo says in the teasing sing song voice of a grade-schooler who knows the meaning of a sexual term before his playmates do. “You don’t know what a deluxe blowjob is.”

…[T]o humor him, I ask. “Okay, explain it.”

Chimo gives me his descriptive explanation. I won’t get into it here. Suffice to say it’s sophomoric – and sort of disgusting.

Sophomoric? Disgusting? Those are my middle names! Sadly, there’s nothing on Urban Dictionary to explain the act, and Googling “deluxe blowjob” is interesting, but unhelpful. I have the creeping feeling that I will never find out what a deluxe blowjob is, and that saddens me in a very real, very pathetic way.

RSS icon Comments


I'm going with bum-fingering. But only out of habit.

Posted by Ziggity | March 27, 2008 11:01 AM

Probably. Personally, I find that a turn off. Most hetero guys really just want you to look like you're having fun and swallow.

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 27, 2008 11:05 AM

It means it's got a pickle and lettuce on it, dumbass.

Posted by heywhatsit | March 27, 2008 11:07 AM

A cup of soup and fries.

Posted by Julie | March 27, 2008 11:11 AM

@1 I thought that was the rusty trombone.

Posted by Rotten666 | March 27, 2008 11:15 AM

fondling the anus was my first guess.

Posted by Hernandez | March 27, 2008 11:16 AM

Right when you're about to come, a guy named Chimo brings you the check.

Posted by Fnarf | March 27, 2008 11:19 AM

Chimo= [b]Chi[/b]ld [b]Mo[/b]lestor

Posted by Bellevue Ave | March 27, 2008 11:21 AM

Supersize my blowjob please!

Posted by Suz | March 27, 2008 11:24 AM

I did the exact same thing last night! (read waiter-rant and then went to urban dictionary to look it up).

Posted by kingchiron | March 27, 2008 11:25 AM

I am the only person on the face of the Earth capable of delivering the deluxe to the blowjob. Then again, I refuse to suck on any dick that isn't at least six inches. I won't point and laugh, but c'mon. I don't need that much room to breathe.

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 27, 2008 11:25 AM

#5, a rusty trombone is the reverse -- eating ass from behind while giving a handjob.

Posted by haunted leg | March 27, 2008 11:33 AM

Save time, just order a Dick's Deluxe!

[Thank you, I'll be here all week, tip your waitress!]

Posted by Suz | March 27, 2008 12:23 PM

Mr. Poe: I love you.

Deluxe blowjobs: I also have not heard of it, but I bet they work mayonnaise in there somewhere.

Posted by Aislinn | March 27, 2008 12:24 PM

Deluxe Blow Job = 1 Shot Bailey's + 1 Shot Goldshlager

Posted by elswinger | March 27, 2008 12:28 PM

i'll take two deluxe and one combo. please.

Posted by mr. poe's jew | March 27, 2008 12:34 PM

The Urban Dictionary failed me, too, this week when I was looking up Texas Clambake.

Posted by Bauhaus | March 27, 2008 12:45 PM

It comes with a tossed salad.

I liked #15 though.

Posted by w7ngman | March 27, 2008 1:01 PM

I love me a nice rusty trombone!

Posted by Mike in MO | March 27, 2008 1:17 PM

The deluxe one gets me standing on my tippy toes, all squirmy.

Posted by Paul In SF | March 27, 2008 1:22 PM

I thought a rusty trombone was a blowjob after anal. No clue on the delux blowjob though.

Posted by db | March 27, 2008 1:43 PM


Comin' (in more ways than one) right up!

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 27, 2008 2:27 PM

I'm pretty sure you can order one of those at your local neighborhood Dick's.

Posted by Ginger Twinkle | March 27, 2008 4:51 PM
Posted by Matt Fuckin' Hickey | March 27, 2008 5:48 PM

Perhaps not. The word "deluxe" doesn't appear in that link.

Posted by Fnarf | March 28, 2008 2:07 AM

@ 21: no, that's ATM, as in ass to mouth. The rusty trombone refers to the similar hand motions of playing a trombone & giving a handy with you face in your partner's asshole.

Posted by Mike in MO | March 28, 2008 5:27 AM

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