woot

corduroy appreciation club

Oh my God. I didn't laugh, but that joke is fucking tits.

LOL!

Not to be totally Un-P.C. but...

Is it just me or does Anne Sullivan look way more retarded than Helen Keller???

Oh wait, I totally meant to be totally Un-P.C... And the question still stands.

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillow?

It's making headlines...

Ha! @4's joke is way better!

Why did Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

So she could moan with the other.

@3 Um, Helen Keller wasn't retarded.

Did you hear that Helen Keller fell into a well?

Yeah, she nearly screamed her hands off.

um...hellen keller is related to me. she's like a cousin or something. just thought i'd share.
what?

"Is it just me or does Anne Sullivan look way more retarded than Helen Keller???

Oh wait, I totally meant to be totally Un-P.C... And the question still stands."

I'm not sure if the fact that Helen Keller was not retarded makes this more or less un-P.C. She lost her hearing and sight to illness when she was about two years old. It may or may not have been scarlet fever, depending on how good my memory is.

While that photo is pretty cool .... just to be equally un-P.C., I present my joke.

To be sung to the tune of "Yankee Doodle."

Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony
stuck a feather in her cap and called it
Blaaaargh.

You know, it just occurred to me that we make jokes about Helen Keller to relieve our own primordial fear of becoming as totally isolated and dependent as she was.

Not that I don't laugh, too, but there's a fine line between horror and contempt. We revile what we fear so we can imagine we have some control over it.

@7 She was, however, an ardent Socialist. Funny that Alabama would put her on their quarter.

"So long as I confine my activities to social service and the blind, they compliment me extravagantly, calling me 'archpriestess of the sightless,' 'wonder woman,' and 'a modern miracle," Helen wrote to her friend Robert LaFollette, an early pacifist who ran for president as a third-party Progressive candidate in 1924. "But when it comes to a discussion of poverty, and I maintain that it is the result of wrong economics - that the industrial system under which we live is at the root of much of the physical deafness and blindness in the world - that is a different matter!" (http://www.rethinkingschools.org/archive/17_01/Kell171.shtml)

To be trapped inside your own body; a totally silent, totally dark cell with only your skin to tell you what is happening around you.

Okay with that said here's my joke...

Anne Sullivan has that "concerned Mom" look on her face

@12
Whenever I see that quarter I always wonder.. Is that all they've got? Really? The last 140 years and that's all they got?

number 3

You are such an ignorant fool.

Keller was hardly retarded, but, genius level IQ. Her skills once unlocked were awesome - the story of her life is beyond belief - the best of the human spirit.

Her story is one of the greatest human interest real life stories of the ages.

You are frankly retarded by choice. Get a clue.

@16 - You are absolutely right. But seriously, if Helen Keller fell down in a forest, would she make a sound?

It seems that crazy old guy was correct.

"Totally dark cell with only your skin to tell you what is going on around you." Wow, I bet she was great in bed.

If you look for Helen Keller on Google videos, you can find several newsreels from the 30's regarding her. In one she flies as a passenger in a bi-plane. In another, she's feeling the throat of an opera singer to "hear" the vibrations of her vocal cords. In a third one, she's speaking to an audience. There's even a website that has an FAQ posted by her great-grand-niece (or some relation like that), who discusses the fact that Helen almost eloped with someone that her family disapproved of.

"Helen Keller" is a trump card in Apples To Apples, let me tell you. Always, always funny, in an otherwise un-hilarious game.

Why was Hellen Keller such a bad driver?

'cause she's a woman.

#4 You stole that from Bloom County! Then again, all jokes are stolen. Carry on.

IF she were alive, Hillary would have the perfect VP.

WHAT an exceptional person.

SHE learned braille, read in English, German, Latin and Greek.

MOST of the retards on Slog are 20 per cent literate in English.

THE ones making the jokes, 10 per cent.

I remember hearing a very tasteless Helen Keller joke when I was in middle school about leaving the plunger in the toilet, but I'll spare you all. Instead, another:

Have you heard about the new Helen Keller doll? You wind it up and it walks into walls.

I'm sorry.

Also, the reason Helen Keller can't drive isn't because she's a woman, it's because she's dead. Duh.

#22 wins.

oh 17.... I lol'd so bad.

As to that burn on her face - comes from answering a waffle iron...

How did Helen Keller's parent punish her?

They left the plunger in the toilet.

That or, they made her read the waffle iron.

Helen Keller jokes are the best. And btw I wear hearing aids so I'm totally legit in making jokes you anti-joking bastards.

I wonder what Helen would have thought of feeling...an enormous penis!!!