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Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Oh, Right—That Movie Really Pissed Me Off and I Forgot to Blow My Stack About It on Slog

posted by on March 26 at 9:15 AM

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I forgot how thoroughly Enchanted—a Disney pic now out on DVD—pissed me off until I saw the DVD for sale last night. I saw Enchanted in a theater with my kid when it was released. The kid wanted to see it because James Marsden stabbed a bus with a sword in the preview; I wanted to see because James Marsden could stab my grandmother and I’d still wanna—well, this is a post about a Disney film, so I won’t get too specific about what I’d like to do to/with/on James Marsden.

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Anyway, the movie is fine. Amy Adams was terrific, Disney did a good job parodying Disney, there were some great numbers—a live-action recreation of one of those impossibly complicated Beauty and the Beast animated dance sequences was particularly good. Great stuff. And Enchanted is one of those movies that makes Manhattan—where I’m writing this blog post—look magical. Every bit as magical as a Disney cartoon kingdoms under the sea or whatever. And it’s summer in Manhattan in Enchanted and absolutely everyone in falling in love—old folks, young folks, black folks, white folks, animated folks, live-action folks. But not gay folks. Amy Adams sings her way up and down Manhattan—from Central Park to the Upper East Side to Times Square—and never encounters a single faggot. In Manhattan—not even in Central Park during an inspired sequence that takes Adams through every corner of the park (save the Brambles) and involves hundreds of New York “types.” Except homos.

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And I didn’t have a problem with it. Really. “It’s a Disney movie, it’s for kids,” I thought, watching the Central Park sequence. “They don’t want the American Family Association picketing at multiplexes, so they’re leaving the homos out of Manhattan. Fine. Whatever. Gee, I hope James Marsden has a shower scene too.” And then…

Amy Adams, a magical-kingdom-princess-to-be, is cast into present-day Manhattan by her prince’s wicked stepmother. Her prince charming (Marsden, duh) comes after her. He runs around in tights, bursts into song, searches upper and lower Manhattan, stabs buses, etc. Marsden learns that Adams is living in a certain enormous pre-war building near Central Park—but he doesn’t know which apartment. So he runs through the building knocking on doors. Various Manhattan types answer—mostly individuals implied to be part of couples, if I recall correctly (one person answers the door but you hear a wife or husband’s voice in the background). At one door a woman with a child on her hip and two or three others around her ankles takes one look at Marsden in his Prince Charming getup and says, “You’re too late.” Funny stuff.

Marsden knocks on one last door: It opens and we see fussy/shimmery black wallpaper, an expensive mirror, a crystal chandelier. And an overweight, unattractive, middle-aged gay man with scraggly facial hair. He’s wearing a wifebeater and a leather armband (or a cap—I don’t recall from my single viewing, but he was wearing some hinting-at-kink black leather item or items.) The creepy fag leans out of his apartment and leers at Marsden (which is exactly what I came to do). Marsden looks momentarily panicked, smiles apologetically, and hurries off before the creepy gay dude can… well, drag him into his fussy SM lair and rapes his ass.

Oh, Disney. If you were going to leave us out of Enchanted—if you were going to sexually cleanse Manhattan to make your movie safe for Middle America’s multiplexes—then have the decency to leave us out of Enchanted entirely. Don’t drop in one fag, near the end, as a fucking sight gag.

Yes, yes: there are creepy gay men in Manhattan with fussy apartments and complicated sexual interests. But he’s not the only fag in Manhattan, you dumb assholes. He wouldn’t even be the only fag in any given apartment building in Manhattan. And if you’re going to sweep us out of Central Park, out of Midtown, and out of Times Square, if you’re going to leave us out of Manhattan’s restaurants (?) and fashion design studios (!), then leave us out of Manhattan entirely. Don’t trot just one of us out, at the end, to mock-threaten James Marsden’s Prince Charming with a gay SM rape. Unless, of course, you actually filmed a big gay SM rape scene with James Marsden and it’s included among the deleted scenes on the DVD.

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In which case all is forgiven.

RSS icon Comments

1

Yeehaw! Another reason to boycott Disney films!

Posted by amazonmidwife | March 26, 2008 9:40 AM
2

Fuck, running into a gay person in New York should be the LEAST of anyone's worries.
Say hi to the cabbies who can't speak a word of English for me.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | March 26, 2008 9:42 AM
3

You know, I forgot about that bit. I enjoyed the movie a lot more than I thought I would, even rooting for the Central Park number to beat out that easy listening clunker from Once for the Oscar, but now I remember how that gay panic part got stuck in my craw a little.

Posted by spencer | March 26, 2008 9:50 AM
4

Your boyfriend is undoubtedly secure, still reading things like " I won’t get too specific about what I’d like to do to/with/on James Marsden" espoused to the public at large would make me momentarily sad if coming from mine =/

Posted by Non | March 26, 2008 9:50 AM
5

I agree with all of your comments, good movie, too bad about some stuff. It had quite a CGI ending, too. I wish I had seen Enchanted before the Oscars because I might have been hoping for one of its songs to win instead of getting completely suckered by the Once song. Only after purchasing the entire album did I come to my senses. Maybe the movie's okay but I don't think I'll ever find out.

Posted by Amy Jo | March 26, 2008 9:56 AM
6

reason 8259 for not having (or adopting) kids: You don't have to suffer through Disney/Pixar/shitty movies. Or watch them 6000 times on DVD.

Posted by Mike in MO | March 26, 2008 10:01 AM
7

@4 Really? The worst I get from mine after I make similar comments about Johnny Depp is a sardonically raised eyebrow.

Posted by Beguine | March 26, 2008 10:02 AM
8

@4 I'm not doing anything to/with/on Marsden unless my boyfriend also wants gets to/with/on Marsden.

Posted by Dan Savage | March 26, 2008 10:06 AM
9

@4: You do have to watch out. My partner is really tolerant but I did get the bitch slap when I said I'd do Ken Hutcherson to take one for the team (pictures of course required).

Posted by Dave Coffman | March 26, 2008 10:09 AM
10

I haven't even seen this movie yet which is shocking since it combines so many of my favorite things: dancing, singing, and James Marsden.

Too bad about the leering queen gazing at the prince. Oh, and the leather gay character sounds icky, too. Hardy har har.

Posted by Michigan Matt | March 26, 2008 10:13 AM
11

I didn't see Enchanted, thankfully. I usually get incensed about shit like this too. I was sorta tempted, because I think James Marsden is way hot, but I didn't think I could sit through a Disney flic, and the chances of a shower scene seemed unlikely.

Oh, and Non @4, are you a newlywed or something? My boyfriend and I make similar comments about any number of hot celebrities all the time. Get over it. If that's all it takes for you to feel jealous or threatened, you live in a fantasy world.

Posted by Reverse Polarity | March 26, 2008 10:15 AM
12

Leave your boyfriend out of Slog, Dan. He's an innocent bystander.

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 26, 2008 10:18 AM
13

@8 Oh I shouldn't have made it personal like that, I bet Terry is awesome and realizes it's only an abstract lust.


I've really gotta stop drinking right when I wake up

Posted by Non | March 26, 2008 10:20 AM
14

Those two construction workers look pretty gay to me.

Posted by keshmeshi | March 26, 2008 10:40 AM
15

Valid points, Mr. Savage. I never had any interest in seeing the movie anyway because the music in the trailer annoyed me so. And that was solidified when I had to sit through 3 of those crap-fests during the Oscars.

But I do want to say that your child's reason for wanting to see the film: aDORable.

Posted by Baxter | March 26, 2008 11:05 AM
16

That scene still ticks me off.

Posted by ANON | March 26, 2008 11:07 AM
17

I didn't find the guy to be creepy, more of a cartoon bear/leather dude. They went out of their way to broadcast that the guy was GAAAAAY so everyone could get the joke. I wish they'd been more subtle but I don't think it was meant to be mean-spirited or homophobic, just another variation on the "whoops, wrong door" gag.

Posted by Scott | March 26, 2008 11:09 AM
18

And the gag would've been fine, Scott—if, as I hope my post makes clear, creepy-fag-at-door wasn't the ONLY fag in all of Manhattan. Leave us out entirely or let us see some other fags. Like, oh, maybe a same-sex couple among all the couples-in-love dancing around in Central Park? A gay waiter? A gay employee at the freakin' dress design firm where one of the major characters works?

There were sight-gag straights in that movie. And regulars straight, and idealized straights. But just one 'mo, and he was creepy sight gag. Not that I think bears or leather queens are creepy, mind you. But Marsden's character certainly did, and his reaction was a stand-in for the audiences' reaction.

Posted by Dan Savage | March 26, 2008 11:59 AM
19

Maybe it was just me, because there was certainly no overt gays, but the guys in the blue jumpsuits certainly seemed a little... hm, crooked? (As in not straight.) Yeah they smiled at Amy Adams, but they danced too well to be straight. Again-might just be me.

Posted by Marty | March 26, 2008 12:50 PM
20

"The Ramble", not "The Brambles".

And I only know this because I live right across from there. Swear. For realz.

Posted by Joe.My.God. | March 26, 2008 1:27 PM
21

you know, if every old man got offended when an old guy was portrayed as grouchy and cranky in a movie, of if every teenage girl got offended when they were portrayed as a horde of ditzy bimbos, it would just be ridiculous. not every gay character has to be portrayed in a positive light. and there doesn't have to be a kindly grandfather for every grumpy old guy character either. everything doesn't have to be fair.

Posted by Kelly | March 26, 2008 1:54 PM
22

Oh, Kelly. A Manhattan without homos... save one, and he's offensive. That's worth getting upset about. So upset that it took me... six months to remember to write something about it.

Posted by Dan Savage | March 26, 2008 2:27 PM
23

I rented this movie the other night and I got the feeling most of the men in central park were gay. Especially the four wearing blue jump suits in hard hats. I even remarked to my friend watching the film with me: "I think that's a gay pride parade... LOLZERCISE! James Marsden was fucking hilarious.

Posted by Jeremy | March 26, 2008 4:23 PM
24

MMMMM.... Cyclops.

Posted by Jessica | March 26, 2008 5:03 PM
25

Most gay men are depicted in some stereotyped way in mainstream film and TV.
It is annoying to unravel the bull my family has been taught to represent gay men.
They did not understand me at first. I had nothing to do with the stereotype they have been shown as the benchmark for gay men so it was just a little confusing until they understood the truth about most gay men.
But then sometimes I think many gay men think they have to act a certain way (a stereotype) to be noticed by straight people. For some being gay is all they have.
I find I forget about my sexuality most of the time. There is just so much more to people than just their sexuality.
Actually I take that back I should say some people. Some actually have nothing else in their lives at all and living a stereotype is all they know. Much like being just a soccer mom or a dumb guy like you see depicted on TV commercials all the time. People actually buy into these stereotypical lifestyles because it is easy.
So it is easy for Disney to put in the stereotypical gross gay man for an easy laugh from people that get to laugh at being gay just like at hockey games or on Jay Leno. It is an easy thing to do something that is done on mass. If everyone does it so it is somehow acceptable. Cheep stereotypical representation of being gay and laughing at it is ok to billions of people.


Posted by -B- | March 26, 2008 5:17 PM
26

"Most gay men are depicted in some stereotyped way in mainstream film and TV."

Kelly, check out the film Behind the Celluloid Curtain for more on that.

No, everything doesn't have to be fair, but since when do gay people get treated with fairness in the movies?

Posted by Irena | March 26, 2008 5:56 PM
27

Jesus fucking Christ, really?
You're really upset about this?
Really?

Really?

1. It is Disney
A. You're lucky there was a creepy fag in there..
B...otherwise it might have been a flaming wreck of a homo, complete with hot pants commenting on Amy's ensemble starting with the word "Honey"
2. It is a children's movie and while unfortunate, a lot of parents don't want to take their 6 year old to a film where they'll have to explain why that man is holding that other man's hand I'm sure Disney doesn't feel the need to introduce this topic to their viewing audience.
3. Don't act like there weren't gay people in that movie. You know they were all over the place, dancing, singing, walking, drinking some water. Perhaps Disney is doing the gay community a favor by not showing a stereotypically gay male couple skipping down the street wearing neon tank tops throwing glitter from a basket while exclaiming 'FABULOUS!' at passersby or a gay girl all butched out driving a truck (I'm not saying this is acceptable I'm just saying that this is what a movie of this caliber would be comfortable with, stereotypes) Perhaps they showed a gay man or woman walking down the street on their way to market, or dinner, or a movie.

Posted by carissa | March 26, 2008 6:59 PM
28

Hey, Dan -- Just watched the movie for the first time the other night. Really loved it actually, but just wanted to point out that it contains another gay joke: when Timothy Spall (the toady who's spying on James Marsden on behalf of Susan Sarandon's evil queen) emerges from the manhole in Times Square (mmm...manhole), he tells the construction workers, "I'm looking for a prince." The construction workers give him that same gay-panic look, then he goes running off to fetch Marsden down from the top of that bus. (Sigh. So lucky.) Anyway, it's a slightly different joke, but produces a similar vibe: creepy, fey British dude wants to know where his prince went, har, har. The movie's at pains to insist that Spall's character is straight, since a major plot development hinges on his sense of betrayal when the queen rejects him. But still, a dumb gay joke's a dumb gay joke.
And actually, that "joke" gets extended: in the movie's final sequence, as we glimpse each character's future happiness, we see the Spall character signing copies of his book -- a book entitled "My Royal Pain: Banishing the Evil Queen Within." Read as you will.

Posted by Chris Jensen | March 27, 2008 1:27 PM
29

The "construction worker" on the left in the photo you're using IS GAY.
I've been speaking with him about this thread at a gay website featuring members with big muscles (which I lack.) He's been using the same photo of him as the construction worker in his profile - among other tasty shots.
I told him about your rant. His question to me was "who is Dan Savage?"

Posted by bucket | March 31, 2008 7:15 AM

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