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Sunday, March 23, 2008

Norwescon Sunday: Report One

posted by on March 23 at 11:31 AM

Why, yes, that is a blow-up alien with a mouth-hole for fucking, thanks for asking!

I overheard someone talking about the parties here at Norwescon. He was explaining that he doesn’t party all year and so this is his time to cut loose. I think that’s a pretty common thing: I was in the bar yesterday and someone lit somebody else’s hair on fire. Like, for a joke. And it worked: Everyone laughed. The poor waitress had to come over and spray Febreze to try to cover up the perm smell.

I went to the I.B.T. party last night—I.B.T. stands for Intergalactic Bank of Timbuktu. They go from convention to convention, auctioning off slaves. I arrived after the auction, so I only met one slave: a hot young Mormon boy who could do standing back flips. Standing back flips seemed to be his only trick, but he was really good at it, doing three or four in a row, on demand.

The costumes got a little crazier at the parties as the night went on. One well-built African-American man was wearing a leather vest and basically a leather cock-sack. His ass was free in the breeze. A man and women locked themselves in the bathroom to fuck. There were giant troughs filled with super-sweet Midori punch and Long Island Iced Teas and some sort of alcoholic grape drink.

People were hopping from party to party, including the so-called Party at the End of the Universe, across the street at a hotel with less-stringent party standards. One befanged young man was leading four female slaves across the street so that they could take part in the wet t-shirt contest. Now I understand why the convention booklet has rules for leashes: They weren’t talking about dogs.

Today is kind of an abbreviated session, which is good because my Midori hangover is threatening to melt my brain. I am about to attend a session wherein people compose an epic poem to describe this year’s Norwescon. I may not survive.

RSS icon Comments


"some sort of alcoholic grape drink" -- isn't that typically referred to as "wine"?

Posted by seifer | March 23, 2008 11:37 AM

Could also have been a "spodie" or "purple Jesus".

Posted by COMTE | March 23, 2008 12:04 PM

This conference has slowly, but steadily, through the course of these posts gone from delightfully absurd to threateningly bizarre.

I'm afraid now.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | March 23, 2008 1:12 PM

I agree with @3. At first I was reading about a gathering of a cross-section of the quirky and silly, but has since degraded into some serious maladjusts behaving badly. Lighting someone's hair on fire for fun? Who does that?

Posted by ahava | March 23, 2008 2:28 PM

#4, indoors no less. I would have hurled. Burning hair smells *sooo* bad.

Posted by w7ngman | March 23, 2008 2:58 PM

JTC @3 - I am dazzled by the brilliance of your comment.

I was at that same con (thurs-2pmish) and had fun, but I was a different fun. No hair on fire (though there was some singing about hair on fire by A Little Knight Music...)

Posted by JenK | March 23, 2008 5:00 PM

i want to know it is a man or woman? i saw this funny and interesting news and the pic on which is a dating site for interracial singles.

Posted by juggernaut | March 23, 2008 5:55 PM

slave auctions. how sensitive.

Posted by wf | March 23, 2008 6:01 PM

It's pretty fucking weak when this is the best thing anyone can post in FIFTY FUCKING HOURS. You idiots are so lame I can't stand it anymore. Eat shit and die, and your stupid monkey-ass server that times out 3 out of every 4 times too.

Posted by Icarus | March 23, 2008 6:19 PM

Awww, guess Icarus is going to have to find a new group of social malcontents with which to attempt to ingratiate himself.

Hey Icarus, I hear the folks over at Live Journal Seattle are looking for new meat, you should totally check them out.

Posted by COMTE | March 23, 2008 6:26 PM

"Lighting someone's hair on fire for fun? Who does that?"

What other reasons can you think of?

Posted by Fnarf | March 23, 2008 6:43 PM

Slog is slow on weekends, Icarus. Because... it's the weekend. There are, however, other blogs out there, to say nothing of other entertainment options available to you. Like... pushing back from the computer and leaving the house every once in a while.

Posted by Dan Savage | March 23, 2008 7:51 PM

It's so appropriate that I'm going to Roswell tomorrow.

Posted by catnextdoor | March 23, 2008 10:35 PM

WHERE is the picture of the HOT MORMON BOY? Without it, this post is a failure.

Posted by erostratus | March 24, 2008 8:06 AM

god dammit i was to busy takeing care of this stupid bitch who partys one night and is bed-ridden all weekend to go to this, spastic,delusional socialy maladjusted...sound like my people

and for the record i actually find the smell of burning hair somewhat pleasent, especially burning cum crusted pubic hair

Posted by linus | March 24, 2008 12:30 PM

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