Life It Could Be Worse. Much, Much Worse.
posted by March 14 at 8:38 AM
onLet me start by saying that I had signed up to review SLOG Night. But I fucked up. We have a huge design review tomorrow (yes, Saturday) and I worked late last night on supporting materials. Sorry So before I get to the point of my post, let me by way of amends play my favorite game—“Who Would Play Them in the Movie Version?”—for some of the SLOG regulars, to give you a mental image of who they kinda, sorta look like:
Amy Kate - Cody Diablo
ECB - Janeane Garofalo
annie - Naomi Watts
Gillian Anderson - Jena Malone
Will in Seattle - Lewis Black
elenchos - Joel Coen
Rhett Oracle - Will Durst
Original Monique - Marion Cotillard
Mr. Poe - could only be played by Mr. Poe
Now back to your regularly scheduled program…
Are you feeling blue? Worried that your candidate (or his/her opponent) is destroying the very fabric of the universe with their pure unadulterated evil and/or puppy-like naïveté? Cheer up. At least you are not an emergency room patient, or one of the physicians who treat them.
What I Learn From My Patients is one of the longest threads anywhere ever, but richly rewards viewing any one of its pages, with sage advice like
if you are given a prescription for narcotics wait until the rx is filled before you try to sell them… pt yesterday with bs pain complaint gets rx for vicodin and trys to sell them over the phone(loudly) in the E.D. lobby…” they gave me 30 vicodin…how about $250? ok meet me here in 20 minutes”. pt overheard by staff who took written rx from pt and ripped it up in his presence…..
…and my personal favorite:
Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto bismol.
Note: some items are not for the faint of heart, and the level of (painfully earned) cynicism is sometimes simply breathless. Read this if any of the hep lingo has you confused.
Comments
It's Diablo Cody. Cody is her last name.
Hugz!
Aren't you guys forgetting something? The morning news? Remember that?
Do you have multiple personality disorder? What's with the italics?
Whichever one of you brought the ER stories, thank you, thank you very much. I liked the one about taking your prosthetic eye out and putting it in your vagina for safekeeping during a fight, and then not being able to get it out, but there are hundreds more. The 38-year-old great-grandmother was charming, too.
i'm not sure i'm going to post until i know which italicized actor would play me in the movie version.
Dan Savage = Ben Stiller
Marion Cotillard, huh? I think I'm in love then. My pet name for Original Monique shall be, from now on, "O-Mo."
Some of those studentdoctor.net stories are funny, but I'm sad that doctors are teaching medical students such contempt for patients.
One recurring theme in that thread is "catching" patients lying about controlled prescription drugs. Patients in need DO have their pills stolen -- VERY OFTEN! Sometimes old/sick people DO have serious chronic pain and need chronic painkillers to make their lives tolerable.
Doctors: is it that hard to actually trust your patient?!
Oh, go piss up a rope, Jamier. ER docs develop a nasty sense of humor after just a few hours there, and so would you, if you wanted to survive the constant parade of gunshots, grisly car wrecks, and drug addicts.
Remember if there's no room at the jail they take you to the E/R.
No George Clooney there though. What? He's big around here y'all.
Plus, nursing home stories are funnier. For better stories find a nurse!
I agree with the "who would play" section. And damn I am honored. It's definitely true that only Poe could play Poe.
We need to find a suitable actor for Fnarf....yet nothing comes to mind.
Josh Feit = Mohammad Atta
Even Josh once said so!
Fnarf = Conan O'Brian
Geoff/Infrequent @4: How about Todd Lousio?
Now get postin'!
p.s. According to some of my friends, I would be Hugo Weaving, but I don't see it.
Sorry, I meant Todd Louiso: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0521974/
@11
Josh Feit=Steve Guttenberg
ecb = maggie gyllenhaal
ecb = maggie gyllenhaal
@12 - Conan's too tall. Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
The Stranger newsroom = The UW Daily newsroom, minus the UW admin babysitter
Oh Big Sven... You are my new hero. The ER stories are surely going to be my new faorite waste of on the clock time.
My two faves:
#57. When your 15yo daughter gives precipitous delivery to a bleating, underweight infant 30 minutes after presenting to triage c "gas pains", you should run around the department loudly yelling, "I don't know what y'all did or who that baby is, but my lil' girl warn't pregnant when she come in here"
#74. Make sure to have your boyfriend re-insert the same 12" dildo that was taken out of your ?booty? with twice as much force this time after it was in there for a few hours and was forcibly removed by the ED personnel 2 hours ago because surely the hole is now open enough that it won't get stuck a second time...
#74 need some sex safety counseling from Dan!
i have also heard that erica looks more like maggie gyllenhaal. either way, she's awesome. it's true.
Lewis Black? good image for Original Monique however, very good.
I'm not sure who would work for me, actually.
@18, Yah, I see that.
Diablo Cody so wishes.
I might have Joel Coen's hair, but I don't look like him. Everybody knows I look exactly like Rob Lowe. Look at me on TV and judge for yourself. That's me at the very very end. The part with me is awesome.
I feel bad that I messed up Diablo Cody's name. My ex-girlfriend's best friend is living with Diablo's ex-husband (Minneapolis is the biggest small town in America.)
You think I'd have more respect. And what with her being an Oscar winning screenwriter, and everything.
Oh, and yes- Maggie Gyllenhaal is a better fit for ECB facially than Janeane Garofalo. Maggie's quite a bit taller, though- no offense, ECB.
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