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Thursday, March 20, 2008

“If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what about something morally offensive?”

posted by on March 20 at 18:40 PM

Young mother morally offended by… fun straws.

Young mother looks at “fun straws” and sees cock. Young mother “can’t see any other thing,” she says. I know the feeling. Young mother convinced that this is a plot—on the part of WalMart—to make oral sex seem like just another lifestyle choice. The product, like the thing it resembles, has been pulled. But young mother concerned that other children may be exposed to WalMart fun straws.

A follow-up question for the young mother from viewers with moral objections to premarital sex, out-of-wedlock births, and single motherhood: Where’s that little girl’s young father?

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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what about something morally offensive?

Did this woman get something morally offensive in her EYE? Gross!

Posted by six shooter | March 20, 2008 6:54 PM


Posted by NO MORE | March 20, 2008 6:54 PM

Well this is sure to finish it for Obama after all. McCainanites rejoice!

Posted by Andy Niable | March 20, 2008 6:56 PM

Hillary's minions strike again!

Posted by Michigan Matt (soon to be Balt-o-matt) | March 20, 2008 6:56 PM

#3 Only if they find an unusually large black penis straw.

Posted by Jay | March 20, 2008 6:57 PM

Oh. And I gotta get me some of those "fun straws"!

Posted by Michigan Matt (soon to be Balt-o-matt) | March 20, 2008 6:58 PM

Warning: do NOT let those "fun straws" get anywhere NEAR a plate of tortellini, or you'll have alfredo sauce ALL OVER the place.

Posted by Irena | March 20, 2008 7:00 PM

Is there any way to get a hold of some of those wang straws other than shopping at Wal-Mart? Those things would be fantastic for a party!

Posted by Etherite | March 20, 2008 7:03 PM

Yeah, at Unlcle Jeb's Wang Straw Emporium in beautiful downtown Provo, Utah.

Posted by Jay | March 20, 2008 7:09 PM

Er Uncle.

Posted by Jay | March 20, 2008 7:10 PM

I'd be a lot more worried about all the fucking lead your child is ingesting by buying $1.68 fun straws, you idiot.

Posted by Mike | March 20, 2008 7:12 PM

Wal-Mart: teaching your young children how to suck cock since 1962.

Posted by Hernandez | March 20, 2008 7:15 PM

I'm morally offended by Walmart

Posted by ahava | March 20, 2008 7:17 PM

The burning question in my mind is:

When the hell did Wallace Shawn become a TV news reporter?

Posted by COMTE | March 20, 2008 7:20 PM

She sees what she wants to see! That was very weird.

Posted by mj | March 20, 2008 7:26 PM

outraged lady doesn't give a shit that walmart busts unions and abuses its employees. She, the archetypal American, is more interested in the regulation of sex than of corporations.

Posted by markinthepark | March 20, 2008 7:27 PM

most worrisome part: the woman saying children a little bit older than her 3 year old would be making these associations. a little bit older?

Posted by LMSW | March 20, 2008 7:31 PM

hey, what i really want to see is what else that gal was buying.... so i froze the frame...

candy pops
radiator, which was discounted from only $25 by 20%
a dvd
the straws, that really do look like cocks, i really want some.
baby wipes
fruit punch
a twelve pack of mountain dew, which only costs $2.98, no wonder everybody's dying of diabetes.
pills cake
bar soap
chocolate syrup
two packs of poptarts
two packs of cookies

and i love WSAZ Investigates Team Reporter Randy Yohe's opening statement, which translates thusly: "we thought this woman was crazy -- doesn't she sound it? -- but then we saw the straws, and then we decided we had to show them to you. how couldn't we? they look like cocks! because we're the news. you decide."

i love the fake news. and dear god, things are bad in america.

Posted by erostratus | March 20, 2008 7:32 PM

Where's the father? He bailed when he figured out that she wouldn't suck his cock.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | March 20, 2008 7:36 PM

Actually, I think this post could also go under the "Every Child Deserves..." banner. Because if somebody doesn't get that girl away from this batshit loonball - and soon - her chance at any sort of reasonable, sane life is - oh, at a random guess - around nil.

Posted by Wowza | March 20, 2008 7:39 PM

Apophenia? Pareidolia?

Remember, a phallic symbol is anything longer than it is wide.

Posted by umvue | March 20, 2008 7:48 PM

Fat girls always think people are "rude" to them.

Posted by Fat Girls are touchy | March 20, 2008 8:08 PM

They also sell Shout laundry stain remover at Wal-Mart, which looks like cum. And Butterfinger candy bars that look like poop. And that 99 cent Steven Seagall energy drink.

Posted by Miles | March 20, 2008 8:43 PM

She should have just told her daughter to never suck on a thin, green penis with a pointy tip. If you do grape juice will come out of the tip. Oh the horrors!

Posted by mj | March 20, 2008 9:03 PM

#18, nice.

She looks waaaaaay too pleased with herself at 1:00.

I can see why kids "a little bit older" than three would see the association, because that is clearly the penis of a 4 year old and clearly the only type of penis this sad lady has had any experience with.

Posted by w7ngman | March 20, 2008 9:15 PM

But... those straws *TOTALLY* look like cocks.

Somebody at the straw factory was having fun with the bending machine.

Posted by Big Sven | March 20, 2008 9:34 PM

I'm more interested in how heinously awesome it is that the news anchor's name is Bill Murray than the dick-straws. Is that just me?

Posted by Kat | March 20, 2008 9:39 PM

The WHOLE concept of a straw is phallic!

Posted by Sargon Bighorn | March 20, 2008 10:11 PM

Sloooooooow news day.

Posted by Bauhaus | March 20, 2008 10:22 PM

Ha! Cock Straws! Awesome!

Posted by Clint | March 20, 2008 10:32 PM

Doesnt this woman know that penis' are organic?


Posted by catnextdoor | March 20, 2008 10:42 PM

wtf? Next they'll be pulling all popsicles off the shelves. Especially those bullet shaped ones.

Posted by Chicago Luva | March 20, 2008 10:49 PM

It's long past time for stores to pull bananas off the shelves.

Posted by keshmeshi | March 20, 2008 11:40 PM

You know people, that she represents a large part of the united states. The people who post here are in the minority compared to her and people who think like her. She, and those like her, are why GW Bush gets elected twice. As far as she's concerned, you are all radicals and extremists.
Instead of fighting each other here, why not try fighting (reasoning with?) her and those like her?

Democrats who wail about how they'd rather vote for mccain than hillary are essentially the same person as this woman who sees cocks in straws.

Ok, so I brought that out of nowhere... but these are the arguments that come up daily. And this cock-straw woman only exemplifies the division between those who think and those who don't. There's a big problem with the democratic party and it revolves around the ridiculous Hillary vs. Barack arguments. On paper, they're identical. Deep down inside, even the GOP knows they're out for the same agenda. Only the die-hard democrats crow and crow about how they'd rather die than vote for their opponent. Stupid and short sighted. No wonder GW bush got elected twice. We all helped him get there, and we'll all help his successor get there too.

Posted by GS | March 21, 2008 12:07 AM

So, are you saying that McCain sees cock everywhere too??

I am SO voting for him over Hillary!

Posted by catnextdoor | March 21, 2008 5:57 AM

@34 - Why not try fighting (reasoning with?) her and those like her?

With a woman. Who sees a cock. In a straw. Ummm, maybe, 'cause, like, that won't work?

Posted by Wowza | March 21, 2008 6:04 AM

I left a comment on message board at the station regarding this story. Unfortunately, it comments don't post automatically and it will be interesting to see if the reviewer does post it. I said something like, "I once saw a cloud that I believed looked like a phallus. I told God I thought it was totally inappropriate!"

Posted by Johnny | March 21, 2008 6:54 AM

What bothers me about viewing this clip is her daughter. The mother obviously has some fucked up issues, and that poor little girl will most likely have those fucked up issues forced on to her and inherit them. Hopefully when that little girl grows up she won't be like her ignorant, self loathing, attention seeking redneck mother.

Posted by Shawn | March 21, 2008 7:35 AM

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Miss Middle America!

Posted by Andy Niable | March 21, 2008 7:44 AM

@39- LOL!

Posted by manic preacha | March 21, 2008 8:50 AM

That woman should be slapped in chains. Her poor daughter should be taken away and be given to a family that won't brutally show offensive shapes to children!

After implying that children everywhere will be irreparably damaged by this, she flagrantly displayed that abomination RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER OWN DAUGHTER *AGAIN*! I suppose that her daughter already saw it so she's a lost cause, but still....

Clearly those straws are patently offensive, and yet, without any warning that parents should shoot any children in the head lest they too be contaminated by the sight of that... junk, it was shown directly on TV! Any child who might have stumbled across that channel might be permanently perverted by the sight of... the outline in a piece of fluorescent plastic of a um, male... um, private... part. Everyone involved with that story should be fired (that is to say, set on fire) and fined.

Wait! My GOD, a child, even now, could be reading thibzzztppfffpfpfsessiondisconnected

Posted by Ryan | March 21, 2008 9:34 AM

SIMPLE EXPLANATION - Moms get horny too. Seeing cock, hard cock, everywhere.

She is a bit repressed and so when she get turned on, it is like white hot fire raging out of control.

Raise a salute to horn dog moms, even if they make little sense. You fags should understand a bit better, I mean all humans have sexual feelings, duh.

The kid is adorable. She looks healthy and happy, thanks mom. I would do the mom, you bet.

Posted by Angel | March 21, 2008 9:41 AM

My thought was that it was probably an honest mistake at the straw manufacturer. They probably have a standing bending pattern for cocks to sell as bachelorette novelty items. And for whatever reason, that pattern got added to the "mixed shapes" bag. Maybe it was malicious, I'm sure it's fun for the line workers at the manufacturing plant. But yeah, I really can't think of any other shape they were going for. It's plainly a penis.

Unfortunately, searching for such straws to buy in a single-shape pack didn't turn them up. Turned up lots of other novelties though.

Posted by amy! | March 21, 2008 10:49 AM
Posted by Irena | March 21, 2008 11:28 AM

Here you go Dan Savage's dittoheads! Have some fun with this. Frost in Wisconsin--riff on that!

Staff Sgt. Christopher S. Frost

Hometown: Waukesha, Wisconsin, U.S.

Age: 24 years old

Died: March 3, 2008 in Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Unit: Air Force, 377th Air Base Wing, Kirtland Air Force Base, N.M.

Incident: Died in a crash of an Iraqi Army Mi-17 helicopter in Bayji.

Posted by fartf Poe | March 21, 2008 11:46 AM

She saw those straws and thought to herself "I bet I can complain about them and get on TV and meet that dreamy WSAZ Team Reporter Randy Yohe."

Posted by elswinger | March 21, 2008 12:34 PM

Does anyone else think that the reporter (Randy Yohe) looks like Dilbert's "Pointy-Haired Boss" [PHB]? Seems to have about as much good judgment as the PHB as well. I won't even go into how off the priorities of the Mom are.

Posted by Drummer | March 21, 2008 1:52 PM

She obviously is obsessed with the shape of the straw because she isn't getting any!

Posted by Pecos Bill | March 21, 2008 6:46 PM

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