5280 - have you enlisted yet?

The real issue here...according to the USA today paper headline today page 10 A, is gun control in the parks...

A very real threat when you consider prowling attacks of bears in your neighborhood squandering valuable votes
in the lastest demographic poll for horn rage on Aurora Ave.

Speaking of horn rage...don't miss the Monday edition of The Everett Herald Newspaper... (Seattle sports fans with frequent flyer miles take special notes here...) as I'm sure you will also see small but tiny tell tale signs of the same story repeated over and over so the morgatge industry isn't caught in bed with the drama queen who's donning pop tarts in the sani-can on third and elephant avenue... remember to eat your cheer leaders brownies while you can because it's all going into the secret files and there's not a damn thing we can do about it until we get trade reform solved with the weapons manufacturers golden retirement plan in the FCC Chairman's new barristas pet chijuawau's entiltelment dogfood coupon buried in next years appendix and bibliography of a tax loop you'll never investigate cause your not rich.... filthy rich that is... black gold... texas tea.

That's right it's the mamagrams on steroids and anyone can make up a headline and send it in to be anaylized by the secret service before the NSA is done gather up what it needs to protect your interests as law abiding tax payers...

dissenters need not apply if you want free cash from social services if you have concealed weapons permit and you don't take your meds.

p.s.

take your meds and make more art... as in creative displays of affection in unusual mediums and put them everywhere you can even if you can't get in to a gallery or a thousand dollar a plate fundraiser....
viva la' mexicali rose!!!!!

Sounds like a totally healthy habit for young people to adopt.

Sweet Jeebus, I'd blow a hole in the ceiling if I didn't take care of tha Southern Bidniss like twice a day.

No wonder these fundies have been driven insane.

-Woodbun

Also, if they can't masturbate, how are they supposed to stay virgins until they're married!? Ridiculous.

On second thought--don't answer that.

I mean, what if you've got a package of hot dogs (or worse) Johnsonville brats in there? Not to mention carrots, cucumbers, zucchinis, or Japanese eggplant? What if the veggies are dirty, and you have to rub the dirt off? And what about the bananas ON the fridge? And what happens if you accidentally spill some mayo or horseradish sauce while fixing the sandwich? Or squeeze the mustard bottle a little too hard? Or what if, in the dark you accidentally grab a couple of ripe tomatoes, or cantalopes, or grapefruit? Or -

- 'scuse me, gotta take care of something. Be right back.

I do recall countless discussions in youth group about warding off lustful thoughts/behaviors... mostly directed towards the guys. I didn't even know women *could* masturbate until I went to college.

One would think that perhaps they're exhibiting an excessive interest in the masturbational habits and psychology of young teens. Can someone report these people to Dobson or Meese?

sincerely,
diggum

Thanks for making me nostalgic for the good ole' punk days when this was the first thing I'd see after puking in the middle of a night of drinking and snorting things up my nose and watching (often terrible)punk bands in a dirty old basement.

Wow, Katelyn, really? This is amazing to me. I take it you didn't go to public school?

Anyway, Katelyn's right: most churches don't consider the act of masturbation to be the real danger, it's the lust that can be associated with it. And, like, not coveting other men's wives (which is ANY girl that's not your wife, even if she's single). So, if you don't have a wife, think about the concept of your future wife while you wack it - sin averted!

Can't say frowning on masturbation is unique to the Mo's tho. The Catholics have been, ahem, beating that drum for 2000 years.

If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind.

It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Bible, for example, held firmly in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

Keep your bladder empty. Believe it or not, having a full bladder can cause you to feel sexually stimulated. As strange as it sounds you may find that going to the bathroom often makes it easier to refrain from masturbating.

While masturbation can seem harmless, it elicits sexual feelings that are intended only for marriage. This habit-forming activity quickly leads to other activities such as viewing pornography and participating in homosexual activities.

But then you have to aim for the bathtub 'cause the wood won't go down.

'Zounds, this phony reli-gion is fiendishly bereft of any real answers!

Well, that's one way to make sure you stay a virgin.

Thank god I'm an atheist.

seems like a solid marketing strategy.

Which means straight girls can masturbate without any worries ...

Nope, won't do.
What do I do now?

Oh God...I'm so hot...

Masturbation...the gateway kink!