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Friday, March 14, 2008

I Can’t Complain

posted by on March 14 at 9:09 AM

I promised my lovely, talented wife I’d post her list of complaints if she helped with my other posts. Like most beautiful women, she expects the world to listen when someone or something bothers her. Her list, in no particular order:

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1. Sexually explicit or suggestive fliers posted publicly. “I don’t want my daughter to see that man licking that other man’s back.”

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2. Employees parking in the customer spaces behind the E Pike Street Mud Bay. “No one is ever in there. Why are both spots always taken?”

3. Able-bodied men who don’t give up their seats for pregnant or elderly ladies on the bus. “Can’t we just agree to some minimum standards of behavior?”

4. The cranky neighbor lady who once called her the White Devil. “I didn’t even know there was a white devil.”

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5. Litterbugs. “Do I even have to explain why this bothers me so much?”

RSS icon Comments

1

Gotta close those tags, man.

Posted by bma | March 14, 2008 9:22 AM
2

Missing some html tag action there somewhere. But your missus has my sympathy.

Posted by Fnarf | March 14, 2008 9:22 AM
3

your wife is why capitol hill sucks so much.

Posted by back licker | March 14, 2008 9:25 AM
4

She's a woman. Bitching is programmed into her genes.

Posted by Elvis | March 14, 2008 9:27 AM
5

To your wife:

1. Get over it, or move to the burbs.

2. It's for parking for those establishments. So if they move their car, and are late opening because they have to walk, you'll bitch about that.

3. Women have equal rights, remember? They fought for them in the 60's, and deserve them. I'm sorry if you are getting on after me, but if I've been standing all day, and get on the bus before you then I have the choice to be nice or not. Personal choices, get over it.

4. Personal grievance, no one cares.

5. You are right.

Posted by Homo Will | March 14, 2008 9:30 AM
6

I think there is only the devil in the white city...

Posted by Michael | March 14, 2008 9:34 AM
7

I used to tell my son that those men in the Comeback posters were wrestling. He doesn't believe me anymore. He's all growed up now.

Posted by Dan Savage | March 14, 2008 9:34 AM
8

Your wife sounds really annoying.
"Able-bodied men who don’t give up their seats for pregnant or elderly ladies on the bus."
So it is fine for able bodied women to do the same?
Or for an able bodied man to let an elderly gentleman remain standing?

I will always give up my seat to someone who is older/frail/disabled.

As for the pregnants, how is it my fault that they chose to get knocked up? If you want to have a kid don't expect me to go out of my way to make your life any easier. Sure it sucks being pregnant, and your feet hurt or whatever, but suck it up, or wait to get knocked up until you can afford a car.
I am overweight. It hurts my back and feet to stand for too long. But hey guess what? Being a fatty is my choice, I have to live with it, and I don't expect other people to give me their seat just because I have things a bit harder. And neither should pregnants. Just because you have a parasite growing in your tummy is no reason the world should bow down to your every whim.

Posted by muckfetro | March 14, 2008 9:38 AM
9

The SLOG's in fine form this morning, I see. Wheeeeee!

Posted by Big Sven | March 14, 2008 9:43 AM
10

Add reading comments about bitches to her list to her list.

99.9999999999999999999% of the world would trade with her.

Posted by McG | March 14, 2008 9:44 AM
11

Hahaha. Apparently a lot of people on slog have the same pet peeve: Other peoples pet peeves.

Posted by Lushy J | March 14, 2008 9:46 AM
12

@3: No kidding.

Littering sucks though. And y'know, be nice and let the pregnant women sit. But hardly worthy of getting all pissy over.

Posted by A | March 14, 2008 9:46 AM
13

I basically agree with most of these gripes, but she needs to be honest and admit that SHE hates the posters and it's not a "What about the children thing?!?!?" Little kids don't notice OR care about naughty images and if they're old enough to know what it's all about, then they're old enough to understand the concept of freedom of speech...

Posted by michael strangeways | March 14, 2008 9:51 AM
14

Give me a black goddess sister I can't resist her. No stringy haired, blonde
hair, blue eyed, pale skinned buttermilk complexion. Grafted, recessive,
depressive, ironing board backside straight up and straight down. No
frills, no thrills, Miss six o'clock, subject to have the itch, mutanoid,
caucazoid, white cave bitch...

Posted by lar | March 14, 2008 9:55 AM
15

@8

Keep eating your ho hos and be grateful for those pregnant mothers. Hopefully their babies will grow up to be productive members of society and compensate for lazy, selfish fat-asses like you.

Posted by Ashley | March 14, 2008 9:57 AM
16

Ashley sounds a lot like Dan.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | March 14, 2008 10:02 AM
17

Ashley,
First of all, I don't like ho-ho's. I am fat because of bacon and cheese.
Secondly, what makes you think that I am lazy, or that society needs making up for my short comings. I could be a software engineer, or design buildings. I don't but I could.
Still you do provide a great argument for why I should give up my seat to a pregnant lady. What was that argument again? Oh that's right, baseless insults. Hats off to you.

Posted by muckfetro | March 14, 2008 10:03 AM
18

Are you fucking kidding me? This is post-worthy?

Posted by NaFun | March 14, 2008 10:12 AM
19

Pregnant ladies should be banned from express buses, just like cripples.

Posted by Hernandez | March 14, 2008 10:24 AM
20

"Able-bodied men who don’t give up their seats for pregnant or elderly ladies on the bus."

What, able-bodied *women* don't have an obligation to give up their seats for pregnant or elderly ladies *or men*?! Your wife is a clueless twit.

Posted by bob | March 14, 2008 10:35 AM
21

@ lar -- heeeeee!

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | March 14, 2008 10:44 AM
22

I was on a packed metro bus a few weeks ago, standing next to a woman who was grossly pregnant. Her belly hung over three fit, young, white males, who avoided eye contact. I asked her how far along she was, and she said her due date was the previous day.
I was pregnant in New York, and it is a well known fact that the first person to stand up for a pregnant woman is a female. The second, a non-white male. Through my entire pregnancy, I never had a white male stand up for me, and I talked to many women who had the same experience.
Hmm.

Posted by women already do stand up... | March 14, 2008 10:46 AM
23

If I called you out on the bus for not giving up your seat to a pregnant woman you'd be embarassed, and your excuses would sound horrible to anyone around you, yourself included. It's not as if you are sticking up for a worthy cause. This is not a Rosa Parks thing! This is a etiquette thing. And, by all means, don't be polite, but don't expect a real man, or woman, or child, for that matter to not call you on your selfishness. Were you emaculately concieved, or do you just hate your moms?

Posted by Dan | March 14, 2008 10:50 AM
24

@22,

The sentiments at #8 are pretty good proof of that.

Posted by keshmeshi | March 14, 2008 10:55 AM
25

@24 and 23, maybe I am rude. Quite frankly, I don't care. It's not my problem that you are pregnant, and I didn't knock you up... thank god.

Public bus means first come, first serve. I don't need to stand up and move for every elderly person, prenant person, or anyone else if I'm sitting in the regular seats. Granted, the designated seats up front are one thing, but in the back... forget it.

Like it or not, not everyone needs to bend over backwards cause of your prenancy, that's what your husband is for.

And by the look of things, this guy does whatever his wife says instead of posting his things. Last time I checked, he was the guest slogger, not the wife. Can't think of something on your own to post? How do you comment enough to be a guest slogger. You must have SOMETHING on your mind.

Posted by Homo Will | March 14, 2008 11:13 AM
26

@ 22,


I sympathize with your situation, but a word of advice: Never ever ask a stranger when they’re due. I made that mistake one time—and let me tell you—after the woman looked at me and srsly told me “I’m not pregnant,” I don’t think either of us will ever recover.

Posted by Original Andrew | March 14, 2008 11:15 AM
27

I hate litterbugs, but I LOVE cranky neighbor ladies!

Posted by Ari Spool | March 14, 2008 11:17 AM
28

"don't be polite, but don't expect a real man, or woman, or child, for that matter to not call you on your selfishness"

Are you new to Seattle Dan? Most people won't call anyone out for anything, but yeah I can see how being yelled at by a stranger on the bus could make one a bit uncomfortable.

And no I am not standing up for a worthy cause, unless you count trying to hold people responsible for their actions as a worthy cause.

It isn't my fault that someone is pregnant and didn't plan well enough to avoid mass transit. Unlike Homo Will I will usually give up my seat to elderly/cripples. It isn't my fault that they are disabled, but unlike the preggars, it isn't theirs either.

If you want pregnancy to be treated like a disability then so should obesity and lazyness. Regardless of the end purpose they serve, they are all voluntary and should not be treated on the same level as birth defects/injuries/illness or age.

If you need to find someone to blame for a pregnant lady standing on the bus, blame the pregnant lady.

Posted by muckfetro | March 14, 2008 11:30 AM
29

Your wife is a clueless twit

I think you mean, "clueless twat.

Also, I agreee with 19. I think pregnant women should be banned everywhere, but I would settle for public transportation.

Posted by Mike in MO | March 14, 2008 11:30 AM
30

@22-
Wise words. Unless it looks like a watermelon was attached to an otherwise slim woman, them be fightin' words.
@25-
methinks ye be a caucasian male?

Posted by sibley | March 14, 2008 11:33 AM
31

#3 I like you. I think you should lick my back while his wife is forced to watch.

Posted by America's Next Top Bottom | March 14, 2008 11:35 AM
32

@30, Actually, I'm not. I'm mixed.

Colombian and Italian.

@28, I'm not saying that I would always refuse, but if I feel it's someone that needs the seat more than me, and she doesn't look like some cunt from the east side then maybe I would. Depends on my mood, and if the lady comes off as a cunt or not.

As for being called out by a stranger about not getting up, have at it. I'd look at you, laugh, and give my own piece of mind.

Posted by Homo Will | March 14, 2008 11:41 AM
33

@32-
I'm sorry I brought race into it. My own experience has made me bitter.

I am just not clear on yours and muckfetros rational. I bicycle to work, and when I was pregnant, I rode the bus. Why should I "plan ahead" and be one of those people I hate- lone drivers in cars?

I think my issue is pregnancy afflictions are generally not something women are advertising. If someone is elderly or on crutches etc, clearly they are going to have trouble standing. But if you look at a glowing pregnant woman's body, she may refrain from listing a litany of complaints, from varicose veins to swollen ankles to high blood pressure making one feel like they just may faint (that might send a message). So who are you, healthy male, to be such a jackass as to feel more deserving of a seat? Could it hurt to amass some good karma? I guarantee that woman will be grateful. I always was.

And if she isn't, she's a raging bitch.

I should note, I do feel that part of the problem is an inability on the woman's part to state the problem. Not all pregnant woman feel these issues (although most do at some point). Standing in one place for long time, I felt like I might faint a few times on the subway- my vision was swimming and I sweat buckets. I often became mad at myself for being on the verge of tears because I felt so frustrated at a man for not standing up. I should have plainly asked for a seat.

Posted by sibley | March 14, 2008 12:09 PM
34

I sort of feel like if a pregnant woman wants a seat, she should ask someone for it. I have been near passing out a couple of times on the El (low blood pressure + oppressive heat/crowded car) and have asked someone to give up a seat for me. If I really need it, I ask, otherwise, I suck it up.

On a related note, one of the things I hate is when someone makes a huge show of giving up a seat, like they want a fucking medal. When I give up my seat for a old person or someone on crutches, I usually just get up and move out of the way so they can sit down.

Posted by Julie | March 14, 2008 12:11 PM
35

You know, it's not MY fault people get old. They knew it was coming; they knew they couldn't stop it. And they couldn't arrange a ride ahead of time?

If they don't choose to stay home in an empty house, feeling their lives slip away moment by moment, and instead go out into the world and try to lead an engaged, social life, it's not my problem.

If you NEED a seat, there's one in an old folks' home with your name on it, and you can sit there all day while your kids don't visit you.

Wow, that does feel like I'm going to a special circle of hell.

Posted by Gloria | March 14, 2008 12:21 PM
36

@33, you bring up valid points, but where I am coming from I see it differently. Congrats on the pregnancy, but you bring up one word that I despise: deserving.

America has this obsession with what they feel they deserve, and their own personal responsibility. I am not responsible for your comfort, you are. I never read anywhere that says pregnant women deserve a seat on a bus, anywhere. Like I stated above, public bus system is first come/first serve. I paid to get on the bus just like everyone else. It's personal choice to give up your seat for someone whom you feel in need. I don't sit in the front seats for that very reason.

As for the karma, I get plenty, but I do appreciate your concern.

Posted by Homo Will | March 14, 2008 12:23 PM
37

A valid point- 'deserving' is a loaded word. I understand your argument in theory, but in practice (in this situation) I disagree. The idealist in me wishes for a more cooperative stance with the seats. I take offense if a young fit person does not stand up for a pregnant woman while an elderly woman next to that person does. I've seen that happen numerous times. If I asked that young fit person why they weren't standing up, and they replied some abstract argument about personal responsibility for comfort and 'first come, first serve,' I would see them as an overpriveleged dick.

I concede: it is your right to be a dick.

Posted by sibley | March 14, 2008 12:47 PM
38

Six Shooter, your wife sounds great.

Posted by mj | March 14, 2008 1:43 PM
39

#28, I am from Philly and NYC where people get called out all the time. I don't take public transportation here, but back there you'd be heckled appropriately. I like how a worthy cause is "trying to hold people responsible for their actions as a worthy cause."
I would love to see you stay on a subway in NY for the distance of more than one stop before running for your life after making that argument about a pregnant woman.
And, I'd like to add, pregnancy does cause many uncomfortable side-effects such as swollen feet. The only uncomfortable side effect of standing as a healthy man, woman, or child is... None that I can remotely think of. Although there could be a happy side effect of making somebody feel relieved, and maybe taking a break for a half hour out of your life to not be a self absorbed, petty prick.

Posted by Dan | March 14, 2008 1:45 PM
40

According to sibley, she rode the subway all the time and no man ever gave up a seat. I am going to assume they weren't all ritually slaughtered by a torch weilding mob as you seem to suggest.
Besides, who said I was a healthy man? I have had screws placed in my ankle due to a fracture and I am overweight. My weight, like pregnancy, is a choice. Standing up causes, swollen feet, back pain, and other problems, but I would not ever ask someone to give me their seat.
I made a choice, to enjoy food too much, and now I have to live with it.
If I thought the unborn kid would be harmed by the mother standing I would give up my seat, but sore feet? Tough shit. You either tried to get pregnant or weren't careful enough to prevent it. Suffer!

Posted by muckfetro | March 14, 2008 2:12 PM
41

Ufff!!! Like a solid punch to the gut!!! I felt those comments all the way through the computer!!! Muckfetro, you must be, like, a plus ten wizard/elf! Your logic is that of Spock's! I'm no match!!!

I submit!!!

It was a stupid argument to make to begin with, on my behalf. How can you turn a worm into a man anymore than you can pick your nose and pull out gold?

Anyway, good luck with being a fat nerd! Seems to be working out for you...

Posted by Dan | March 14, 2008 2:39 PM
42

Dan@41 - Good luck with being a lame (and non-funny) SLOG commenter. I'd say it was working out for you, but it's not.

Posted by Donolectic | March 14, 2008 3:01 PM
43

@40:
No, I said I never had a white male stand up for me.

Posted by sibley | March 14, 2008 3:10 PM
44

@43
And how many of them were called out by you or by others??

@ 41 Dan, I may be fat, an inconsiderate prick, and lower than Satan's taint, but I really take offense at the D&D comment. That is going too far.
Still I can rest easy knowing that I don't need to result to personal insults in order to "win" and argument.
Yours in Christ
muckfetro

Posted by muckfetro | March 14, 2008 3:20 PM
45

"Satan's taint" "and argument"
Now I agree that I suck. I made the choice not to review before posting, and now I must live with looking like a fool.

Posted by muckfetro | March 14, 2008 3:22 PM
46

Definition of a nerd: a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious.

It's not an insult as much as a description.

Posted by Dan | March 14, 2008 3:47 PM

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