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People who put ketchup on a hot dog should be killed. People who spell ketchup "catsup" should be used as slave labor. Such a conundrum!

That looks about like the minor-league hockey crowd I saw there. Embarrassing. How's the team doing this year?

Posted by Fnarf | March 27, 2008 11:18 AM

Hey, we've been here before! Fnarf, I accept what you say, but must address (again) that people who drink wine with their steak should be killed. And everybody they've ever loved should be killed, too. For good measure.

Other people who should be killed:
- Me
- The entire SONICS team
- Susan Sonta..OOPS! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 27, 2008 11:20 AM

Isn't that crowd about the size of the entire OC population?

Posted by seattle98104 | March 27, 2008 11:23 AM

What fnarf said, for sure. Ketchup on a dog? I hope you puked.

Nothing's free at a Sonics game. The price to pay was watching them fumble about.

Posted by heywhatsit | March 27, 2008 11:25 AM

The Sonics couldn't pay me to watch them play in that drafty old barn - and from the looks of things, I'm not the only one who holds that opinion.

The sooner they pack up and move to Okie City, the better, sez I; let somebody else subsidize this pack of overpriced losers - and the team they purchased.

Posted by COMTE | March 27, 2008 11:30 AM

If I was emperor, wine with steak would be mandatory. You're a child, Mr. Poe, and can't properly taste your food yet.

Posted by Fnarf | March 27, 2008 11:30 AM

Is beer free? Do they still have those huge Snowcaps?

Posted by DOUG. | March 27, 2008 11:31 AM

The Sonics have lost more than 50 of their 65 or so games played this year... so, not so good.

Also, ketchup contains high fructose corn syrup. Big no no.

Posted by Gomez | March 27, 2008 11:48 AM

Anybody who drinks wine with their steak is an asshole. Period. And if you sniff it before you "taste" it, I'll punch the bottom and smash it right in your face. And laugh, all into za night! Hwahahohohoho!

And ketchup kicks ass. You're insane. Do you ever grab your crotch to make sure your penis is still there when drinking wine? I sure would.

Yay for hatred on different tastes!

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 27, 2008 11:51 AM

ketchup is the best condiment EVUH!!

and i'm confused why it's gross to put it on a hot dog...KETCHUP WAS INVENTED TO BE PUT ON HOT DOGS!!!

and steak...yum.

Posted by michael strangeways | March 27, 2008 12:01 PM

I'd put ketchup on a free hot dog any day.

But I drink bourbon with my steak, so the hell with me.

Posted by Hernandez | March 27, 2008 12:05 PM

I have nothing to say.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | March 27, 2008 12:07 PM

Wine with steak - red.

Mustard with hot dog - preferably not the gunk kind.

And looks like they've got plenty of space, so ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 27, 2008 12:09 PM

Gin or beer with steak, motherfuckers.

Posted by Gomez | March 27, 2008 12:14 PM


You know, I spelled it ketchup and the spell check dinged me.

"End money. Free computers."

Posted by Josh Feit | March 27, 2008 12:14 PM

Damn, there's more people at a Sonics game than I thought.

Posted by Giffy | March 27, 2008 12:27 PM

I don't know who to root for, here.
See, I hate Fnarf for being a humorless, pretentious fuckstick, but I also hate Mr. Poe for being a whiny, irritating turd.
Fuck both you guys. I'm putting ketchup in my wine.

Posted by Conundrum | March 27, 2008 12:28 PM

I wish I could understand the attraction of professional sports. Is it leftover obsession with high school and college sports? Or does it come from a need to win (or lose)? If it were that, wouldn't staying at home and playing Monopoly be a more affordable alternative? Teams aren't comprised of local athletes, so there can't be a since of local pride, can there?

It is what it is, I suppose. I realize that indirectly many people care a great deal about pro sports because of the money clinging to it - both legal and otherwise.
Still, I find it perplexing that its a source of so much community effort and expense while Johnnie can't read (or add apparently), while city water becomes undrinkable, or while overpasses, bridges, and viaducts crumble.

That said, the pics at Key Arena are just plain depressing. Yea, team.

Posted by Bauhaus | March 27, 2008 12:28 PM

@5, I said it yesterday and I'll say it again: the City is not a winner in this situation. The half-hearted sendoffs so popular among the sports-hating hipsters here bring to mind an employee who's just been fired but tries to justify an "I quit" instead.

Posted by joykiller | March 27, 2008 12:31 PM

I ended up with 14 free tickets to the Nuggets game. We're getting tanked beforehand and sneaking snacks in. Though now I want to know which hot dog guy gave you the free one? Near which section?

I hate the Sonics now, but I'm excited to see George Karl, even if he jumped off this sinking ship first.

Posted by Jessica | March 27, 2008 12:34 PM

the worst thing is that josh's boys won. supes blew a 17 point lead.

Posted by SeMe | March 27, 2008 12:34 PM

@18: Soccer players are hot. (Well, the majority of them anyway. I don't need anyone pulling up a picture of Carlos Tevez to contradict me.)

Posted by Abby | March 27, 2008 12:35 PM

I'm whiny?! NU UH!!!

Gomez FTW!!!

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 27, 2008 12:36 PM

@18, I think people like sports for the same reason they enjoy theater, movies, and concerts. Its a fun way to spend a few hours being entertained by others.

Posted by Giffy | March 27, 2008 12:36 PM


Yep. Ugly win, though.

Posted by Josh Feit | March 27, 2008 12:38 PM

@18 - Simple answer: because pro sports and pro sporting events are fun.

Now get off your high horse and buy some Mariners tickets!

Posted by Hernandez | March 27, 2008 12:42 PM

I cry not for these overpaid jerks. Let the yokels in Oklahoma pay for this idiocy. I predict that after 2 years, the 'Ford Center' crowds will make the Key Arena look busy.

Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out of town, Sonics! Hasta luego!

Posted by Bayh Bayh | March 27, 2008 12:43 PM

@9, @10: I have never been anti-ketchup. Ketchup is awesome. But never, ever, ever on a sausage; ketchup on a hamburger, yes, of course. Mustard on a hotdog, but mustard on a hamburger is pure evil. Which is worse, mustard on a hamburger or ketchup on a hot dog? I go back and forth on this one.

@15: Always ignore spellcheck. There, see? Slog just flagged "spellcheck". It wants me to write it as two words. But I'M NOT GOING TO.

Posted by Fnarf | March 27, 2008 12:47 PM

Jessica @20: Karl didn't jump ship, he was fired.

Posted by DOUG. | March 27, 2008 12:49 PM

There is a difference between a hotdog and a fucking sausage. One of them tastes like shit without ketchup/one of them should never be in a bun.

Posted by pencil riot! | March 27, 2008 12:52 PM

where did you get the inspiration to make such arbitrary taste choices fnarf?

Posted by Bellevue Ave | March 27, 2008 12:53 PM

@27, once the Sonics leave, nothing can make the Key look busy except another tenant. With all due respect to the Storm (who play an awfully short season), tenants are few and far between.

Posted by joykiller | March 27, 2008 1:06 PM

@32, The Sonics only play about 40 homes game a year and sell what 5-8 thousand tickets. We should be able to attract concerts, speaker,s conferences, etc, to fill a fair number of those.

Posted by Giffy | March 27, 2008 1:08 PM

I know it can't be, because I'm sure he would never ever be seen at Sonics game, but the guy in the first picture looks a whole lot like our favorite former Unpaid Intern. Unless, of course, the Stranger staff has called him out of retirement and tricked him into performing yet one more useless, half-assed public service.

Posted by Spoogie | March 27, 2008 1:12 PM


How exactly is the City of Seattle the "loser" in this situation?

We've called "bullshit" on the Sonic's owners' pathetic blackmail scheme, saved sevral tens of millions of dollars in refurbishment costs on the Coliseum (can we go back to calling it that again?), plus all the inevitable tax breaks and concessions give-aways the City would have been asked to cough up, and we've rid ourselves of a team that has all but become the laughing-stock of the NBA.

Aside from the loss of some rather minor social-cachet for being a city lacking one of the "big three" major league sports franchises (I'll bet folks in LA, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, San Diego, St. Louis, Nashville, or Kansas City don't feel any particular collective sense of civic diminishment over not having all three, either) I can't imagine what exactly it is we've "lost".

Posted by COMTE | March 27, 2008 1:15 PM

There is nothing arbitrary in Fnarf's taste choices. No adult should be allowed to put ketchup on a hot dog. Ever. Children can do so only to realize how fucked up it tastes. This excuses Mr. Poe.

Posted by elrider | March 27, 2008 1:16 PM


The attraction to Professional Sports...You are watching the best in the world. The picasso of the jump shot....Check out: Sherman Alexie's Stranger article from last year "Net Profit.

Posted by cw | March 27, 2008 1:26 PM

Thank you, elrider.

Pencil Riot!, while a sausage is not always a hot dog, a hot dog is always a sausage. And even the greatest sausage can be enhanced by a bun. But ketchup should not touch any of them, not even the lowliest. Sauerkraut, mustard, maybe a few jalepeno slices if it's a particularly dull one. There's nothing arbitrary about it; it's science.

I'll admit, only salt on vegetables beginning with "C" (cauliflower, corn) is arbitrary. But still true.

Posted by Fnarf | March 27, 2008 1:35 PM

@33, 5,000 tickets/game is a serious lowball. Just because no one's in the seats doesn't mean they didn't buy tickets. Then factor in concessions. Factor in the loss of the T-Birds, and the fact that, unlike a pro sports team, one-off events are just that: one-offs. I admire your optimism, and frankly, I hope it turns out that way, but I don't think it's as easy as just calling up Celine Dion.

@35, I'm not suggesting we acquiesce to the ownership's ridiculous demands for a new arena. (The Ballmer proposal was a different animal, I think, because it actually involved private investment in a public facility.)

But irrespective of these funding schemes, the City will no longer have a professional basketball team. It has LOST its team, so it's a LOSER. It will not be able to get the team back. It will have lost a source of civic pride, a great historical franchise, and a source of entertainment for many (even in a season as crappy as this).

Frankly, it's disingenous to imply that the only alternatives are to roll over for Bennett/Stern or run the Sonics out the door with pitchforks and torches.

Posted by joykiller | March 27, 2008 1:43 PM

Ketchup on nothing. Ketchup is disgusting. Mustard on everything. Mustard is the greatest.

While I'm at it, Wine alone, no steak.

Posted by PdxRitchie | March 27, 2008 1:53 PM

Sauerkraut is fucking sick.

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 27, 2008 2:05 PM

That's because you haven't had real Sauerkraut, Mr. Poe.

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 27, 2008 2:44 PM

Sauerkraut is fucking great.

PdxRitchie, I will grant that if I had to choose between the two, I'd take the wine. Unless the steak had a big ol' slice of gristle on the side. Oh, dear God, I love gristle.

Have I mentioned my theory that every bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream contains the actual body of Christ? The ENTIRE body of Christ? Miracles, yo.

Posted by Fnarf | March 27, 2008 2:44 PM

@39, But those one-off events already are a majority of the tenants. The sonics and Storm only account for 45%. The Storm are about a third of that, so we are only talking about a loss of about 30% of total days used.

Plus much of the benefit of the team inures to the owners. The city gets tax revenue and some jobs, but I doubt that many. We could sink 10 or 20 mil into Key arena to make it better for concerts and conferences and probably do about the same amount of economic activity. Hell with current Sonics attendance we would only need to sell out about 10-15 events a year to equal the number of people through the door.

Posted by Giffy | March 27, 2008 3:11 PM

Only bitches eat Sauerkraut. If it's so great, why don't you dump it in your merlot and chug it? Psh. Fags.

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 27, 2008 3:15 PM

Question: why are people still talking about the goddamn motherfucking Sonics?

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 27, 2008 3:16 PM

Joykiller, dude, what you seem not to be grasping is that most people don't care whether the Sonics stay in Seattle or not. We're not throwing parties now that they're going to be leaving, nor are we crying in our beers. We haven't lost our civic pride, because the team wasn't a source of it in the first place. We're just glad to not have our tax dollars going to something that we don't give a flip about, something that is also the source of the occasional traffic annoyance. The only people who have lost anything are those who actually enjoyed having the team here in the first place, and those people are very much in the minority.

Posted by Bison | March 27, 2008 3:25 PM

@46 - good point. Most of us have pretty much consigned them to the "Already Left The Building" category emotionally.

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 27, 2008 3:44 PM

# 24 --

for me, for the first fifty years of my life, it was theatre, ballet, movies, concerts, all of the performing arts. no sports. not ever.

then, at age 50, a business associate gave me two tickets to a sonics season-opener home game. they were great seats, by the way.

i didn't know what i was watching. didn't know the game, the players or how expensive those seats really were. but, by the end of that first experience, someone very deep inside me had been stirred and shaken.

i remember being somewhat fascinated by one of the sonics players who handled the ball a lot and, when he ran down the court leading with his head and neck, he reminded me of a raptor (as visualized in jurassic park). his jersey number was "20". i came to learn that his name was gary payton.

oddly, for the next several months, i began to watch sonics games on television. the sportscaster, kevin calabro, actually became my mentor in appreciating what i was watching. through kevin, i eventually learned about most of the rules and the fouls and the strategies and match-ups. by the end of that first season, i was absolutely, insanely, emotionally involved with the outcome of each and every game.

i'd never really felt this way about any other event at which i was essentially a spectator before in my life.

for me, basketball players' moves on that small court, improvisational, haphazard, lightning-quick and often airborne were the equal of anything i'd ever seen performed by the joffrey ballet.

unlike cinema and theatre, the event's outcome was not pre-determined. that hitchcock film is going to resolve itself the same way no matter how many times i watch it. a play's denouement will be the same tommorrow night as it was last night. basketball is different. nobody knows what's going to happen.

unlike the performing arts where audience members will be shushed if they talk out loud, sports fans are encouraged to speak up. particularly at basketball, it sometimes appears that we can have a voice that actually alters the game--especially during free throws. we actually participate.

when my friends ask me how i became a sports fan at age fifty, i explain these three points to them.

Posted by cineaste | March 27, 2008 3:51 PM

35. Oh my God, I actually find myself agreeing with Comte.

Posted by Gomez | March 27, 2008 3:53 PM

@44, fair enough. I have fond memories of the Key and I certainly hope it continues to be economically viable after the Sonics leave.

@47, do you have any basis for saying "most people don't care" other than the feedback here on a heavily biased internet site? Dollars to donuts most folks do care, even if they're so resigned to the fact the team's leaving that they won't speak up.

More importantly, how many NW natives care? (Yes, native opinion matters more.)

Most people don't attend the symphony or the opera, but I bet they'd care if either one up and moved to Akron.

Posted by joykiller | March 27, 2008 3:58 PM

@51 we know the majority doesn't care because they didn't vote to give the Sonics money to stay. Can it be any clearer?

Posted by UNPAID BLOGGER | March 27, 2008 4:39 PM

@52, no, Seattle voted to put minimum rates of return on any public investment in sports arenas. This is not the same as denying public funding, and certainly not the same as not voting "to give the Sonics money to stay."

(I assume you're referring to I-91, since there were no public votes involved in any of the recent Mukleshoot/Clay Bennett/Paul Allen ideas.)

I should also point out that I-91 was a citywide measure. Any KeyArena upgrade or brand new facility would have county and state funds attached as well. And, you know, there are Sonics fans outside city limits.

Posted by joykiller | March 27, 2008 5:13 PM

@49 Well said. I had a similar experience with the Seahawks. Honestly I do think it a shame for the fans that the Sonics are leaving. However I put the fault solely at the feet of the owners. They never really made a serious go at negotiating a proposal, nor lobbying effectively. I thought the Renton idea had a lot of promise and had the time been spent getting support, perusing private partnerships, and showing how it would help Renton economically, I think a good case could have been made.

Instead they made threats, ultimatums, and refused to compromise, pissing off people. I have no problem with the state subsidizing enjoyable activities, form the Opera to sports, but when those subsidies are demanded instead of requested, it rubs me the wrong way.

Posted by Giffy | March 27, 2008 9:45 PM

@39: The notion that "once lost, forever lost" is complete B.S. Seattle's already been down that road - with the Pilots. But that didn't create an impassible roadblock to getting another MLB franchise in town, although I grant it took more than a decade to do so.

By the same token, there's absolutely nothing to stop a local ownership consortium from buying, say, The Miami Heat, then telling everyone they're going to move the team to Seattle as soon as their lease agreement is up; what's to prevent them? Major League sports has already let that cat out of the bag, so it's not like their ownership boards are going to put up any serious roadblocks to a relocation prospect, when they've already approved dozens of them previously, because they fully recognize, they might need to do the same thing, should their profitability in a particular market not pencil out somewhere down the road.

The day of the eternal "home town team" died when the Dodgers moved from Brooklyn to Los Angeles; teams today are simply corporate commodities that can be moved (almost) at will from one market to another, depending on the whims of the owners, and their impression of where they can extract the highest net profit. Anybody who thinks otherwise, is simply deluding themselves.

Posted by COMTE | March 28, 2008 1:18 AM

was try very hard read whole post, read all comments. you actin like y'niver seen a game of basketball in your blessed lives. the 98 spurs won 20 games, drafted duncan, been winning championships ever since. wah wah.

Posted by J Loomnor | March 28, 2008 2:42 AM

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