Wilderness An American Tale
posted by March 11 at 16:58 PMon
Little Paul John Schalow of El Mirage, Arizona, was minding his own business, celebrating his tenth birthday in the Tonto National Forest, among the cacti and the rocks…
… when he was attacked by a rabid mountain lion.
“It just placed its paw on me, and it bites my head,” Paul told KSAZ-TV Monday. “It scratches my back.
“I just stayed calm. I like animals but I know this one would probably try to kill me.”
Then one of Little Paul’s unflappable uncles pulled out his pistol and shot the rabid mountain lion while it was right next to the kid, baring its fangs.
But the unflappable uncle is a crack shot, a son of the American west, and he killed the rabid mountain lion quite, quite dead.
Then, for reasons nobody entirely understands, one of Little Paul’s unflappable grandfathers “performed an impromptu autopsy on the lion, discovering skunk parts in his stomach.”
Then the family took the mountain lion home, before jackbooted thugs from the Arizona Department of Fish and Wildlife carted it away to test for rabies (yup) and administer shots to Little Paul and his unflappable male relatives.
And that was the day Little Paul became a man.