Hosted by Dan Savage, this annual Stranger event offers a way for the brokenhearted to finally find closure—or at least exact revenge in front of a crowd of drunks. Past nights have seen blowtorched love letters, chopped houseplants, melted jewelry, and pissed-on photos of former lovers, among other things. Still smarting from being dumped? Looking for a way to dispose of a memento from a past relationship guilt-free? Bring it down to Neumo's and have Savage do the deed for you in front of cheering others. (Neumo's, 925 E Pike St, 709-9467. 8 pm, free, 21+).

Tonight brings the best love plays to come out of 14/48, the annual jamboree wherein 14 shorts are written, rehearsed, and performed in one weekend, including what might be the best play to come out of 14/48 ever—the Wayne Rawley one about the 8-year-old boys who look and talk like businessmen, meeting with girls in power suits to negotiate terms. "So we're not eating our boogers anymore?" one of the boy-men cries. "Well that sounds extreme." (Capitol Hill Arts Center, 1621 12th Ave, 800-838-3006. 8 pm, $20.)