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Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The World’s Hottest 4th Grader

posted by on February 6 at 10:20 AM

It used to be me, and I used to have proof, until Super Tuesday kicked me in the brainz and had its filthy way with me.

At some point during the six hours I spent at Moe Bar, between my new superbestpals buying me shots and Slog commenters being totally nice and something election-related going on in the background, I LOST my Madrona Elementary 1991-1992 yearbook, which NOT ONLY contains a pic of me wearing the world’s sexiest moldable felt hat, but ALSO photographic evidence of an eight-year-old Jonah Spangenthal-Lee’s flowing rat tail.

THIS IS A DISASTER.

Has anyone seen my yearbook? THAT SHIT CANNOT BE REPLACED.

I don’t feel good.

(Confidential to the people who brought me that taco: I’m pretty sure that taco saved my life.)

RSS icon Comments

1

Lindy! I have it! You almost left it at Moe. I tried to give it to you outside Quinn's, but we were all kinda sorta very drunk and you were.. well, this is a public forum, so "disastrously occupied" at the time. As soon as I find my phone's charger, I'll be able to call. Or, I'll just pass it through Eli.

Posted by pbaitch | February 6, 2008 10:54 AM
2

Mercer Island High School's copy of the yearbook that has "Obama Mama" in it has also recently disappeared, so you're in good company.

"Staffers got used to pulling out the 1960 yearbook, until it was recently misplaced."

Posted by stinkbug | February 6, 2008 10:56 AM
3

@1:
I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU.
Thank you times one million.
Also, let us never, ever, ever speak of my disastrous occupation. It's like my heart pumps bad choices instead of blood.

Posted by Lindy | February 6, 2008 11:05 AM
4

Thank god someone found it.

You have an occupation? I thought it was a sideline while you were waiting for international stardom ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | February 6, 2008 11:12 AM
5

Lesson #1 (learned the hard way): Never, ever take anything into a bar that you'd really mind losing.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | February 6, 2008 11:14 AM
6

Wow. I did not know my old Madrona Middle School was now K through 8. I did not know elementaries hawked yearbooks now. But I will start carting around a photo of myself in 4th Grade, when I, too, was a hottie.

Posted by tomasyalba | February 6, 2008 11:23 AM
7

I don't even remember leaving.

Posted by Mr. Poe | February 6, 2008 11:29 AM
8

maybe you're still there?

Posted by infrequent | February 6, 2008 11:42 AM
9

Perhaps. Best we run some tests to be sure, ja?!

Posted by Mr. Poe | February 6, 2008 11:46 AM
10

I didn't know they did yearbooks in grade school these days either. But I still have my yearbook from when I graduated high school . . . in 1971.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | February 6, 2008 11:48 AM
11

Fortunately, the photographic evidence of Jonah's jester's cap is still safe and sound.

Posted by Meagan | February 6, 2008 11:49 AM
12

SPANKY HAD A RAT TAIL! shit. i'm SO happy to know that.

Posted by nipper | February 6, 2008 11:56 AM
13

Why in the world would you have your elementary school yearbook in a bar??

Posted by hm | February 6, 2008 11:57 AM
14

oh! i lost my 9th grade yearbook. an acquaintance asked to borrow it just for a couple of days (to bring to their work to make fun of a mutual friend). i said no because it was irreplaceable. then they laid a huge guilt trip on me, so i said okay. two or three weeks later, i ask for it back, and they say that i never gave it to them. great. that's just great. and now, i hate that person.

Posted by infrequent | February 6, 2008 12:06 PM
15

@14: So weird. Does that count as "losing"? Did THEY lose it and just lie to you? Or did they just keep it? Why would someone keep someone else's 9th grade yearbook? Creepy.

Posted by Gloria | February 6, 2008 12:29 PM
16

I was not a hottie in the 4th grade. No one will ever see my class pictures during that time. Though, I probably didn't hit peak non-hotness until about 6th grade. Who thought it was a good idea to time my most awkward phase in life during the late 80s, when permed hair, big bangs, and awful clothes were in style?

I blame my parents. As usual.

Posted by Julie | February 6, 2008 12:34 PM
17

Christina Crawford - is that you?

Posted by JOAN IN HEAVEN | February 6, 2008 12:37 PM
18

@15. i know! it doesn't make sense. i've developed two theories: 1) the third party (also in the yearbook) kept it because they had lost their copy. 2) it as lost in the acquaintances very messy car/lifestyle (they were a slob).

i'm sure it's been long since destroyed, junkarded, or other recycled. but a little bit of my still hopes to have it returned one day; it's obviously mine with all the signatures addressed to me!

Posted by infrequent | February 6, 2008 12:45 PM
19

I'm glad it was found. Holy shit that hat was awesome.

Posted by Morgan | February 6, 2008 1:28 PM
20

WHERE DID THE TACOS COME FROM!? THIS IS IMPORTANT, I NEED TO KNOW! cus there's no way they're as good as tacos gringos. Last night: Jambalaya tacos! Really!

Posted by Matt Fuckin' Hickey | February 6, 2008 1:44 PM
21

I can't say for sure, but I believe the taco came from Tacos Guaymas. I was just standing there and then suddenly a taco was in my hand. It had beef in it, I think!

Posted by Lindy | February 6, 2008 3:53 PM

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